Silent Cries
by nebula2
Summary: Another night out with a friend, but are his cries for help still not getting through? Originally started as a one-shot for Fortune Cookie Friday Prompt but has expanded. Each chapter has it's own prompts.
1. Night Out

Disclaimer: Don't own Criminal Minds or its characters. Only borrowing for simple enjoyment.

* * *

Reid sat alone at a table against one wall of the bar wondering what he was doing there. How it was that once again Morgan had managed to talk him into going out, when he really didn't want to?

Reid stared into the ginger ale in the glass that sat on the table in front of him. The glass that felt cool to his skin on his fingers which were wrapped around the glass. Holding onto the glass gave him something to do with his hands as he sat there alone, feeling very self-conscious.

Growing tired of watching the bubbles move their way to the top of the pale liquid, Reid glanced toward the bar where Morgan had been. The older profiler was still there, standing next to a pretty blonde who had caught his eye. From his vantage point, Reid couldn't see the blonde's face. Couldn't judge her reaction, though if he had to make a bet, he would put his money on the blonde being completely captivated by the dark-skinned FBI Agent. Most women were. Which was why going out for a drink with Morgan was always a bad idea and yet Reid had allowed himself to be talked into it once again.

Why?

~_Because you didn't want to face the alternative of sitting alone in your apartment,_~ Reid thought, answering the question. ~_Sit there and jump at every little sound. Check and recheck the security chain on the door. Lie to yourself when you promise that no matter what, you're not going to turn to the clear drug that was in a vial, always near-by._~

Three days had passed since Reid had sat in the New Orleans club and told Gideon that he would not miss another plane. He had meant it. Leaving the BAU wasn't something that he wanted to do.

~_But it is something you might be forced into doing if certain people find out about your addiction,_~ he told himself.

Even realizing that hadn't given him enough resolve to get rid of his stash. Hadn't stopped him from carrying a vial with him in his messenger bag. Reid had told himself over and over that this time would be the last time. Yet, it never was. As soon as he would find himself alone, experiencing the first signs of withdrawal, he would give in. Fear of what he would go through without the drug always led him to injecting the drug again. To escape.

Feeling beads of sweat on his forehead, Reid reached up and wiped them away. Morgan was still engaging the blonde.

~_Apparently he's forgotten all about me_,~ Reid thought bitterly. He looked from his friend down to his messenger bag. It was in there, just like it always was. Slipping away and shooting up wouldn't be hard.

Letting the glass sit on the table, Reid reached for his bag. Pulling it into his lap, he opened the bag. It didn't take him long to find the vial, sitting there beckoning him. Next to it though was a fortune cookie.

~_From last night when I had gone out for Chinese with JJ_,~ Reid recalled, reaching into the bag and removing it. He placed the bag back on the seat next to him, and looked down at the cookie. He hadn't eaten it, because he had started feeling nauseous due to not having the drug. ~_Last night was the longest I had made it. Perhaps if I hadn't told JJ that I was fine and had let her take me home she would have realized the truth. Perhaps I wouldn't have finally given in at four a.m. when the shaking, and vomiting was too much to endure any longer_.~

Reid opened the package and took the cookie out of the plastic. He broke it open as Morgan sat down across from him. Reid looked across the table at his friend.

"Let me guess, you want to know if I can find my own way home tonight?"

"What?" Morgan asked, wondering what he meant. "Oh, are you referring to the blonde?" he added, realization hitting him. "Nah, I struck out. She told me I wasn't her type. Where did that come from?" he asked, indicating the fortune cookie Reid held.

"From last night when I went to dinner with JJ."

"So what does it say?" Morgan asked.

Reid looked down at the two pieces of cookie he held. Pulling the paper out he read the words and smile. ~_Apparently, I was suppose to read this tonight_,~ Reid thought.

"What's so amusing?" Morgan asked, seeing the smile on his friend's face.

"I think this is meant more for you than me," Reid replied. "The world may be your oyster, but it doesn't mean you'll get its pearl."

"Let me see that," Morgan said, reaching across the table, thinking Reid was making something up. He took the paper from Reid's hands and read it himself. Sure enough, those words were written on it. Morgan tossed it back across the table.

Reid reached out for it, his hand shaking. Morgan noticed it, and it caused him to look at Reid a bit closer. He noticed the sweat on his friend's forehead.

"You feeling okay, Kid?" Morgan asked.

~_No. I'm feeling the symptoms of not having my fix,_~ Reid answered in his head. He couldn't find the courage to say those words though.

"Yeah. Fine," Reid told him. "I think I'm about ready to call it a night though," he added.

"Sure," Morgan said, not buying the answer any more than he had his friend's excuse for missing the plane down in Louisiana. Something was wrong. Reid was hiding something though Morgan wasn't sure what. Or maybe he was afraid to admit he did know what it was. "Just let me pay the bill and I'll drive you home."

Reid nodded. This wasn't JJ. There was no way he was going to talk Morgan out of driving him home.

~_Nor do I really want to try,_~ Reid thought, as he watched Morgan head over to the bar to pay for the few drinks they two of them had consumed.


	2. Unexpected

AN: Okay, so I've decided to expand this story, as I think there is more to tell. However, I've also decided to try something challenging for this piece. This story is going to become my 'challenge piece' so to say. As I come across prompts that I think I can base a chapter around, I'll add to it. The first two chapters use prompts from Chit Chat on Author's Corner's Fortune Cookie Friday Prompt. I'll be looking at the forum for other prompts, and I'll also be willing to consider prompts sent to me by PM if anyone wants to send me any. Hope you all enjoy the story!

Prompt: Fear is just excitement in need of an attitude adjustment

* * *

As Morgan stopped the vehicle at a red light, he glanced over at Reid. His friend had his eyes closed as his head rested against the seat. There was still beads of sweat on Reid's forehead, though his face didn't look flushed as it would be if he were running a fever. His arms were folded across himself, and Morgan didn't miss the expression of pain that was on Reid's face.

"Maybe I should take you to the hospital instead," Morgan suggested, glancing back at the traffic light.

"No!"

The intensity of Reid's reply took Morgan by surprise. It was too much of a protest for an idle suggestion.

"Calm, down," Morgan said calmly, as the light turned green. "It was only a suggestion."

Reid rested his head against the seat again and closed his eyes. "I'll be fine. I'm just feeling a little under the weather," he said.

Morgan didn't reply as he wasn't sure what reaction he could expect from Reid if he pressed the issue. Would the kid get out the next time that he stopped to car at a traffic light? Would he demand that Morgan pulled the car over? Or possibly just go completely silent on him?

There was a time that Morgan could pretty much predict Reid's reaction in almost any situation. A time when he could find the right things to say to get the kid to talk to him. These days, there was no telling what reaction you might get from him. He could go from talkative and upbeat to withdrawn and sullen in a matter of moments. And though Morgan hadn't thought it possible, Reid seemed to have lost weight.

The rest of the drive to Reid's apartment building was silent. Reaching the place, Morgan found an empty parking spot along the street and pulled his vehicle into it. As Reid took off his seatbelt, Morgan took the key out of the ignition.

"What are you doing?" Reid asked.

"Walking you up to your apartment," Morgan replied. "And don't bother trying to argue because it won't help."

Morgan opened his door and climbed from the vehicle. As he started around the front of the vehicle, he half expected to hear the slamming of the passenger side door, given Reid's outburst at the suggestion of the hospital. Instead, the door closed with only a soft thud. Stepping up onto the curb, Morgan kept a close eye on Reid.

Reid was moving slowly. He still had his arms folded across his abdomen and appeared to be shivering. Morgan followed closely, wanting to offer help, but feeling that it wouldn't be well accepted.

~_Something is definitely wrong with him and I don't think he's simply caught a bug or something_,~ Morgan thought as he followed his friend up the steps of the apartment building. ~_And I'm afraid I know exactly what the problem is. The trick is trying to figure out how to get through to him. How to help him. The first step is to get him to admit the problem to me, but I almost fear that confrontation. Fear pushing him further away. And what if I'm wrong?~_

As the two agents entered the building, something his father use to tell him came to mind.

_Fear is just excitement in need of an attitude adjustment._

His father had first said those words to him the first time he had taken his son to the public pool for swimming lessons. Six year-old Derek Morgan had been afraid to get into the pool to even attempt to learn. Morgan remembered just staring at his father, not following his words at all. Remembered his father smiling as he knelt in front of him.

"_Think of it this way, imagine that you already knew how to swim. That you were competing in a race and were winning. How would you feel then?"_

"_Happy."_

"_Exactly. But its still the same activity. You're swimming but how you feel about the activity has changed. Instead of fearing it, you found enjoyment is it. Do you understand now?"_

"_Not really."_

"_You will someday. Right now just remember that once you learn to swim it won't scare you so much."_

Morgan smiled as he thought of his father's words. His father was right, he had one day understood what his father had been trying to tell him that day. Fear arose from the unknown. Once you knew what a situation held, you could better control how you felt about that situation.

~_I need a better understanding of what is going here in order to help Reid. I can't just deny a possibility because I fear it.~_ Morgan thought, now following Reid down the hallway to his apartment.

Morgan almost walked into his friend, when Reid suddenly stopped walking, leaning against the wall.

"Reid?" Morgan said, resting his hand on the younger agent's shoulder.

"I'm fine," Reid replied waving Morgan off. "It's just a muscle cramp."

It was a few moments before Reid moved from his spot near the wall. Though he didn't touch the younger agent, Morgan hadn't backed off and as Reid finished the walk to his apartment, Morgan was right behind him. Reid pulled out his key, and fumbled with it as he tried to put it in the lock.

"Here, let me . . ."

"Lay off, Morgan," Reid yelled, pulling his hand away from Morgan's reaching hand. The younger profiler then turned to face him, and Morgan saw anger in his eyes.

"Wow, just calm down," Morgan said, calmly, knowing Reid's reaction was inappropriate for the situation.

Hearing another door open, Morgan looked across the hall to see a head peeking out from the door, Reid's shout having attracted his attention. Reid followed his friend's gaze and saw the concerned look on his neighbor's face.

"Everything is okay, Mr. Hall," Reid replied. "Really. This is one of my co-workers."

Mr. Hall remained silent. He gave Morgan a close look, glancing up and down. The FBI agent looked back at the man, debating on whether he should pull his credentials out or not. Finally, Reid's neighbor closed his apartment door and Morgan let his gaze go back to his co-worker. Reid was trying to put the key in the lock once again. Finally getting the key in the slot, he turned it and pushed the door open, stepping into his apartment. Morgan followed, not waiting for the invitation that he knew was not going to be forthcoming.

The first thing Morgan noticed was the blanket and pillow on the couch. "Have you been sleeping out here?"

Reid ignored the question. "Thanks for giving me a ride home, Morgan. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

Morgan turned to face his friend. Reid was standing a few steps in the door, his bag still hanging on his shoulder, arms folded across his stomach and not looking at all well.

"I can stay tonight if you want," Morgan suggested, hoping phrasing it that way might make the other profiler more receptive to it.

"I can take care of myself, Morgan," Reid replied.

"I'm not trying to imply that you can't but your obviously not feeling well," Morgan told him. ~_Or sleeping well_,~ he added silently, a quick glance at the couch.

"If you want to mother someone, go pick someone else," Reid replied.

"I'm not mothering anyone," Morgan said. "I'm just trying to look out for a friend."

"I've been looking out for myself practically since my father walked out on my mother and me. I don't need you," Reid told him, reaching out and pulling the apartment door open. "Leave."

"Yeah, you wouldn't want anyone to find out where your keeping your stash," Morgan replied, without thinking. He saw Reid's eyes cloud with anger at his words.

"Are you calling me a drug addict?" Reid asked his voice cold with anger.

"What if I am? You're definitely not yourself. Missing planes, lashing out at co-workers, and mood swings that rival either of my sisters when they're going through PMS."

"I told you, I did . . ."

"Quit the lying, Reid. I'm sick of it," Morgan told him, taking a few steps closer to him.

Morgan wasn't sure what kind of reaction he was expecting from Reid, but it definitely wasn't the one he got. Before he realized what was happening, he felt the sting of Reid's open palm on the side of his face. Acting on pure reflex, Morgan reached out and grabbed Reid's wrist in his hand. He suddenly became aware of just how skinny and frail his friend's wrist felt in his grasp. Seeing a wince of pain on Reid's face, Morgan immediately released his wrist and then headed for the door.

It wasn't long before Morgan was once again behind the wheel of his SUV. As he pulled the door closed behind him, he didn't go for his keys. Instead, he slammed his hands down on the steering wheel in front of him, out of pure frustration.

~_Man, I really screwed that up. Why did I let him get to me like that? Getting into a fight with him isn't going to help anything and yet that's exactly what I let him provoke me into,_~ Morgan thought.

He kept seeing the wince of pain on Reid's face as he had held the younger man's wrist in his own.

~_Did I hurt him?_~ Morgan questioned as he looked over at the building he was still parked next to.

Knowing that he couldn't leave things the way they had ended, Morgan took a couple of calming breaths before getting back out of the vehicle. He doubted that Reid would accept an apology right now, but he knew he had to make it tonight. If he didn't, things would only get worse.

* * *

In the apartment, Reid stared at the open door that Morgan had just stormed out of. It was like he could still feel Morgan's hand around his wrist, and his palm stung from when it had made contact with the side of Morgan's face.

~_I can't believe I did that. What's wrong with me?_~ Reid thought as he stumbled toward the door to the apartment. He wanted to call his friend's name but he couldn't find his voice. Not that it mattered, as he didn't see any sign of Morgan as he looked out in the hallway.

~_You've really screwed up this time_,~ Reid told himself, as he grasped the door and pushed it shut, fumbling with the lock without really realizing what he was doing. He turned and leaned back against the door, feeling worse than he did the times that he had lashed out at Prentiss.

If he had a best friend, then Morgan was it. Morgan was the one that he could always count on. The one he knew would be there through anything.

~_Not now_, ~ Reid told himself. _~You've probably just pushed away the one person who could have helped you through this.~_

Giving into the tears that were threatening to fall, Reid sank to the floor. The physical pain from the withdrawal symptoms right now was nothing compared to the emotional pain he was feeling.

There was a knock at the door.

"Reid, we need to talk," came Morgan's voice through the door. There was a pause, another knock followed by the sound of the other profiler trying the door knob.

~_I wish I hadn't locked the door_,~ Reid thought as he listened to Morgan knock and call his name again. He wanted to let his friend in but couldn't find the courage or strength to actually get to his feet and open the door.

His cell phone rang. Instead of reaching for it, Reid drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. The phone stopped after three rings and then was replaced by Morgan's voice.

"Okay, Reid, I know you're right there as I can hear your cell phone ringing, so I'm just going to say what I came up here to say. I'm sorry, Reid. I let my anger get the best of me, and I shouldn't have done that. Whether you want to admit it or not, you need my help, but the things I just said and did, they're not helping either one of us. If you can't forgive me right now, I understand, but I needed to apologize. Needed you to know that I'm still here for you. I'm not giving up on our friendship. I'm not giving up on you, Kid, no matter how hard you try to push me away."

Reid listened to his friend's words and only felt guiltier. ~_I should be the one apologizing. I hit him and just because he was telling me the truth. This is all my fault. I'm not thinking straight. Every time I try to go without the drug I only end up hurting someone I care about_.~

Reid got to his feet. Instead of opening the door though, he walked across the living room. Headed for the bathroom where he knew relief was waiting for him.


	3. Day After

AN: Thanks to Rayne McKenna for providing me with the prompt for this chapter. Hope you all enjoy the progression this story is taking.

Prompt: "We don't see things as they are. We see them as we are."

* * *

SSA Morgan stifled a yawn as he stepped off the elevator onto the sixth floor of the building housing the BAU. He hadn't slept well last night, his thoughts on the 'fight' he had with Reid the night before. Morgan didn't want to think of it as a fight, as that word implied something big had happened. Something that would take a lot of time to get past. That would be hard to fix. ~_Misunderstanding is much less imposing_,~ Morgan thought. ~_But what happened last night was much more than that. It isn't something that can just be swept under the rug. Ignored as if it never happened. No matter how hard it is, Reid and I are going to have to deal with it.~_

As Morgan headed for his desk in the bullpen, he saw that Emily was already at her desk but that the desk across from her was empty. The fact that Reid wasn't here yet meant that Morgan still had some time to decide how to handle things.

"Morning, Prentiss," Morgan said, as he sat down at his desk.

"Morning," Agent Prentiss said, looking up from her computer. She reached out and picked up her coffee cup that she had picked up at a café on the way in. "Rough night?" she asked, taking in her co-worker's appearance.

"Had a tough time sleeping," Morgan replied, switching on his computer.

"What color hair did the girl have this time?" Prentiss asked teasingly.

"The only one sharing my bed with me last night was Clooney," Morgan told her, an easy smile on his face. "Just got a lot on my mind."

"Want to talk about it?" Prentiss asked, growing serious.

Morgan looked over at her. Prentiss had been on the receiving end of Reid's mood swings. She had come to him following Reid's outburst down in Houston. Though they had talked about the situation at length, Morgan hadn't confided his suspicions to his teammate. Suspicions that he felt even more convinced that they were dead on after last night. Still, talking about it would only make it more real. He wasn't ready to confide yet. What happened last night needed to stay between him and Reid for now, and not just for confidentiality. Morgan couldn't deny that part of the reason he didn't want to mention it to someone else was that he was ashamed of how he had reacted.

"Not right now," Morgan told her. "Thanks for asking though."

Prentiss nodded. "If you change your mind, you know where I am."

Morgan nodded as the two of them turned their attention to work. Morgan was scanning his work email when Reid came into the bullpen.

"Morning Morgan, Prentiss," the genius said, as he walked between their desks to his own. He lifted the strap of his bag over his shoulder as Prentiss returned his greeting.

Morgan didn't say anything as he looked at his friend. He looked much better than he had the night before, though there were still dark circles under Reid's eyes. The fact that Reid seemed to be ignoring what had happened last night had Morgan concerned. Somehow he would have felt more comfortable if Reid had been giving him the silent treatment this morning.

"Morning," Morgan offered, still looking at his friend with a perplexed look.

As Reid settled at his desk, Morgan turned back to his computer. The middle of the bullpen was not the place to try to talk to Reid about last night. He was back to reading his email when Prentiss' next comment caught his attention.

"What happened to your wrist, Reid?"

Morgan head snapped back into the direction of his friend. Immediately he noticed the ace bandage encircling Reid's wrist. A pang of guilt went through him as well as a flash of Reid's face last night when he had grabbed the younger agent's wrist.

Reid glanced at the ace-bandage following Prentiss' question. "I slipped on the steps last night and when I went to catch myself I must have sprained my wrist," he lied.

Prentiss nodded, more than willing to accept the story. Morgan recognized it for the lie that it was and silently wondered why Reid was protecting him. Morgan continued to watch his friend even as Prentiss went back to her work. As if he felt eyes on him, Reid glanced briefly up in Morgan's direction. Even in that brief glance, Morgan saw a mixture of emotions - fear, guilt, anger, confusion and pleading.

Though Morgan turned back to his email, he didn't really see what was on the screen in front of him. Instead, using his peripheral vision, he kept an eye on Reid. As the younger agent hadn't come in with coffee, Morgan knew it wouldn't be long before Reid went to the break area to get a cup. When he did, Morgan planned on following.

He didn't have to wait long, as Reid soon got to his feet and headed for the coffee maker. Morgan waited a minute or so, before he got up himself. Reid was pouring coffee into a mug sitting on the counter, when Morgan walked up behind him.

"Reid, I'm sorry," Morgan said softly, not wanting to take the chance of anyone overhearing.

Reid jumped, slightly, the movement causing some of the dark liquid to spill onto the counter-top. "You said that last night," Reid said, as he placed the coffee pot back on the base.

"I meant about the wrist and you didn't have to lie to protect me."

"I didn't. I lied to avoid the questions the truth would have brought up," Reid replied, as he continued to fix his coffee. "Besides, it was my fault. I provoked it."

"I'm just as much at fault as you were," Morgan said, not about to shy away from taking his share of responsibility of what had happened the night before.

Reid didn't say anything as he wiped up the spilled coffee with a paper towel.

"Reid, we need to talk about what happened last night."

"No we don't. Let's just forget it ever happened," Reid said, an almost pleading tone to his voice.

"I know you won't be to actually do that, and I don't want to," Morgan told him, watching him closely for his reaction.

Reid didn't say anything. Instead, he silently picked up his coffee cup and headed back to his desk with it. Watching his friend retreat, Morgan sighed and ran his hand back over the top of his head. He wasn't sure he had gotten anywhere with Reid. Wasn't sure if he hadn't just made things worse.

Not knowing what else he could do right then, Morgan decided to get himself a cup of coffee. He jumped slightly when he heard Garcia's voice beside him.

"Why so glum, Sugar Plum?" the blonde tech asked, leaning against the counter beside him.

"It's nothing. Just a rough start to the day," Morgan told her, turning around to lean against the counter, coffee cup in hand. As he took a sip of the dark liquid his gaze went to the bullpen once again.

"Well, here's some advice for turning the day around. 'We don't see things as they are. We see them as we are.'"

Morgan looked at her quizzically.

"It's the saying on my phrase a day calendar, I have at home," Garcia replied to his silent question.

"And just what is it suppose to mean?" he asked.

"Just that who we are and how we're feeling shapes the way that we see things. If you're having a bad day because something in the morning didn't go right, the fact that nothing seems to go right the rest of the day, isn't necessarily what's going on. You're just focusing on the bad things because of your attitude. Look for the good things and the day will brighten up."

"I sure hope you're right, Baby Girl," Morgan said, as he looked over at her, feeling slightly better just being in her presence.

"Try it and if you're having trouble looking for positive things yourself you know where to find me. I'm sure I can manage to put a smile on your face."

"You always do, Sweetheart," Morgan said, smiling down at her.

"That's more like it," Garcia replied, taping his cheek slightly before turning and with a light step headed toward her office.

As he headed back toward his desk though, the light mood that the tech's presence had momentarily brought, disappeared quickly. ~_Reid is determined to ignore what happened last night and what's going on with him, and I need to find a way to make him face it without destroying our friendship_,~ he thought. _~The problem is, I have no idea how to do that_.~


	4. Internal Conflict

AN: Okay, here's chapter 4. Got the prompt from a family members facebook status.

Request: if anyone has any prompts they would like to send my way, feel free to send them by PM.

_Prompt: Talking to yourself isn't bad. It's not even that bad when you start arguing with yourself. It's when you lose that argument that you know you're in trouble.

* * *

_

They had finished reviewing the case again on the plane as the headed to San Francisco, CA. Hotch and Gideon were sitting across from each other at the single seats at the front of the jet, both lost in their own thoughts. Behind him, Morgan could hear the soft voices of his two female team members. The words were too low to make out exactly what they were saying.

Morgan sat on the inside seat, his fingers drumming lightly on the table in time to the music coming through his headphones. His eyes were on his fifth team member who had moved to the back of the plane, as far away from everyone else as he could get. Morgan had been watching Reid closely the last week, following the incident at Reid's apartment. Though he hadn't noticed the symptoms that had been present that night, Morgan had noticed other things.

For one thing, Reid had been avoiding being alone with him. Apparently, Reid still had no intention of talking about the incident in his apartment. His method of avoiding that was to make sure someone else on the team was around them. Also, the mood swings were still there. Reid would be quiet and withdrawn and then a short time later, hyper and talkative, and then go back to looking tired. Morgan knew it wasn't a normal cycle of emotions, at least not in the time period it would take for Reid to transition through them. The younger man seemed tired quite often and not quite as sharp mentally, at least to the young genius' standards. Even now though, the kid could out think most people he knew.

Reid got his feet, grabbing the messenger bag that had been sitting next to him. Morgan watched as the younger agent headed toward the planes bathroom, silently wondering why he took the bag with him. It wasn't as if he was on a commercial flight where someone might steal something.

~_Or maybe he's just afraid of someone going through it. If that is the case, it would mean that he has something to hide._~

Not for the first time, Morgan wondered if maybe he shouldn't search the bag, though he hated to think about the consequences of that act. Not so much of what he might find but more Reid's reaction if he found out. Morgan knew there would be no salvaging their friendship if that were to happen.

As he stared in the direction his friend had disappeared Morgan thought about the conversation he had with a friend who was a doctor. As Hankle had been hooked on Dilaudid, Morgan had posed hypothetical questions to his friends about the drug and what to look for in someone addicted to the drug. He had also posed questions about withdrawal symptoms and treatment programs. Morgan hadn't liked hearing the answers his friend had given him. Nor did he want to think about what lay ahead of Reid if the younger agent was indeed using the drug.

~_He's going to need a lot of support whether he realizes it yet or not. I need to handle this in a way that I can be there to do just that_,~ Morgan thought, realizing that anymore it wasn't really a question for him as to if Reid was using. He had gone through that argument with himself plenty of times. As much as he didn't like the answer, he always ended up with the same one. The question was now, how did he get Reid to admit it to him? How did he help his friend get through this?

It wasn't long before Reid returned to his seat. Morgan waited until Reid was settled before moving. Taking the headphones off, he placed them and his mp3 player on the table, as he got to his feet. He walked the short distance and sat down on the seat next to Reid. The younger profiler glanced over at him but didn't say anything.

"Reid, we need to talk," Morgan said, keeping his voice down low.

"Not now," Reid said, in a voice even lower than Morgan's. He cast a glance at the rest of their team at the other end of the cabin.

"Yes, now," Morgan told him. "We can't keep acting like what happened at your apartment never happened and as soon as we step off this plane you're going to go back to avoiding me."

"I haven't been . . ." Reid let his voice trail off as Morgan fixed him with a don't argue with me look.

"Look, I wasn't thinking when I said those things that night. I never should have said what I did. I was frustrated because I'm worried about you."

"I don't need you to worry about me."

"Yeah, well your stuck with it, Kid, whether you like it or not and I can tell you, its going to take a lot more than a slap for you to drive me away."

"I don't want to drive anyone away," Reid replied, looking down at his shoes.

"Maybe not but that's where this is all headed. Don't tell me you can't see it."

"Sometimes its like I don't know what I'm doing. I mean I hear what I'm saying but its like someone else is talking." Reid said, hesitantly. "I know, I'm probably making no sense whatsoever."

"No, Kid, I think I get what your trying to say," Morgan told him, thinking that it was the first answer in awhile from Reid that he didn't doubt the truthfulness of.

"It was like that when I hit you. I wasn't even aware I was doing it." Finally, Reid looked up from his shoes. Turning his head, he met Morgan's gaze. Again Morgan saw that swirl of emotions that he had seen that morning after their argument. "I'm sorry, Morgan. I shouldn't have hit you. I don't blame you for your reaction. I wouldn't have blamed you if you had hit me back."

"I blame myself, Kid. I could have really hurt you . . . "

"You didn't. I'm fine."

Morgan shook his head. It was obvious they both felt guilty about what had happened and that they were both willing to take responsibility for their actions. Going back and forth about this wasn't going to help anything or get them anywhere.

"Reid, you know you can talk to me about anything don't you?" Morgan asked.

Reid looked back down at his shoes. "There is nothing to talk about."

Morgan could tell Reid was withdrawing again. Retreating back into himself. ~_Perhaps it's about time I give it a rest,_~ Morgan thought. He reached out and placed a hand on Reid's shoulder, feeling the younger man tense up at the simple gesture. He didn't remove his hand right away though. "I think there is. When you're ready to come to terms with that, I'll be here for you. Remember that. Until then, there isn't much I can do."

With that said, Morgan got to his feet and moved the short distance back to the chair he had been occupying. He caught JJ's concerned glance as he did so and tried to give her a reassuring smile, before he turned and sat in the chair with his back toward his other four teammates. Putting his headphones back on, he glanced back at Reid. The younger agent was sitting very still, eyes staring straight ahead at the other side of the jet.

~_I should have told him. Told him why I've been acting the way I have been,_~ Reid thought as he stared straight ahead, not really seeing anything. ~_It's not like he doesn't already suspect it. His words back in my apartment tells me that much. That's the real reason you feel so bad about hitting him, because Morgan was only telling you the truth. Whether I admit it or not, I am a drug addict. I need my fix just to feel like I'm acting normal anymore._~

~_But I can't tell him_,~Spencer thought, arguing the other side of the situation with himself. ~_If he knew for sure would he feel compelled to tell Gideon and Hotch like he did with the nightmares? I can't take that risk. This isn't as simple as being pulled off a few cases. If Hotch knew for sure, he would be required to report it to his superiors. It would mean my job._~

~_If Morgan knows, if he's figured it out, who else has? Gideon knows something is off but he didn't elaborate down in New Orleans. Was that because he doesn't suspect the drugs or is it because he would technically be in the same position as Hotch?_~

~_Then there is Em. She told me in Texas she had never seen me act like this. Even she knows something is different with me. She told me as much,_~ Reid thought, remembering the dark-haired agent's words to him outside the homeless shelter. ~_I just threw her concern back in her face then, just like I did with Morgan's.~_

_~I can't keep doing this. I can't stop alienating the only people who have ever cared about me but I don't know how to stop. I can't stop. I've tried. Every time I try I end up lashing out or the nightmares come back.. Between that and the withdrawal symptoms, I'm just not strong enough to beat this. I want my life back but stopping won't do that. The drug is the only thing anymore that gives me some sense of peace.~_

_~But is this really peace?~_

_~I need to tell Morgan. I need to ask for his help?~_

_~He isn't going to help you now. Not after what you did.~_

_ ~He just said he would. All I had to do was ask?~_

_~He's setting you up.~_

Reid jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw JJ standing in front of him.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," she said, a smile on her face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine."

"You look a little lost," she said, her voice full of concern.

"I'm fine. Just trying to figure some stuff out."

"Ah, one of those internal arguments. My brother use to speak his thoughts out loud when he would try to work things out. I remember asking one time if he was worried people might think he was crazy if they caught him talking to himself and to this day I remember his reply. He told me, "Jay, talking to yourself isn't bad. It's not even that bad when you start arguing with yourself. It's when you lose that argument that you know you're in trouble."

Reid smiled at the words. It wasn't often that JJ shared bits of her childhood with anyone, even him, and he was afraid to say anything. Afraid to lash out at her and have yet another team member mad at him.

"Still, a sounding board helps sometimes. You want one now, Spence?" JJ offered.

Reid shook his head. Still not trusting his voice. Not trusting he wouldn't say something he shouldn't.

"Okay," JJ said. "How about some coffee. I was getting a cup for myself. Would you like one?"

"Yeah, thanks," Reid told her, finally speaking.

He heard Detective Castro asking why the UnSub uses fire to kill his victims. Reid knew the answers. Just like he knew what the victims were thinking right before they died now, he knew how arsonists felt about setting a fire. What this guy felt every time he set a fire and watched it burn. What did that say about him?

"He's ah like a drug addict. Only fire is his drug. Each time an addict needs a fix they need more of the drug to get off, so his crimes will most likely get much worst," Reid replied. He felt eyes on him and glancing to his left, saw Morgan watching him. Without looking, Reid could feel the others watching him. His whole team, still he pressed on with what he was saying. "It would be almost impossible for him to quit without help."*

Reid glanced at Morgan again. The older agent was still looking at him. ~_Did he get my meaning? Does he realize I'm asking for his help?~_ Reid wondering. He knew he could never come right out and ask him for help. Not after he had thrown Morgan's previous offers right back into his face.

Reid thought of the vial and the syringe that was hidden in his bag. Despite having taken a dose after they got here, when JJ thought he was just getting coffee, Reid suddenly had an urge to take more. To hide from this hell his life was becoming.

*Quote taken from the Criminal Minds episode "Ashes and Dust"


	5. Step Closer

**AN: I still need prompts so I continue this story by having a prompt for each chapter. Any Requests?**

**Prompt: Comes from an episode title of Star Trek Deep Space Nine: _Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night_**

* * *

Morgan made one more check of the hotel room, to make sure he wasn't leaving anything behind. The case was over, though definitely not with the outcome that any of them had hoped for. The UnSub was dead along with Evan Abby, who had set off the fire that had killed them both. You could argue that Abby had sacrificed himself for the greater good by keeping the lot from unknowingly being transferred over to an elementary school lot without anyone knowing about the contamination that lay beneath.

~_Still, there were other ways to go about it_, ~ Morgan silently argued, the fact that Abby's way had cost two more lives not settling well with him.

Satisfied that he had gotten everything, Morgan picked up his go-bag and slung the strap over one shoulder as he headed for the door. The team was meeting in the lobby, then going to get breakfast at a local restaurant before heading to the airport and home. As the hotel room door shut behind him, Morgan walked down the hall to the next room, which Reid had been staying in. He had caught Reid's look when he had compared an arsonist setting fires to an addict getting a fix. _~"It would be almost impossible for him to quit without help."_~ Morgan had heard those words replay in his head as they had worked on the case. He had caught their meaning. Had heard once again one of the silent cries for help in the battle Reid was currently fighting alone. Unfortunately, he hadn't had the opportunity to talk to Reid about the subject. Morgan planned on changing that before they joined the team this morning.

Morgan reached Reid's room and rapped on the door. He waited for a response to the knock. When one wasn't forthcoming, Morgan knocked again. Just as he was about to head down to the lobby figuring Reid had already headed down himself, the door finally opened.

"Hey, Kid. I was starting to think you had already gone down," Morgan commented, as he looked at Reid who was standing in the doorway. Reid didn't respond to his greeting. He wasn't sure what compelled him to do so, but Morgan let his gaze drift downward, and caught the partially rolled up left sleeve of the younger agent's shirt. He knew what that meant. Knew what had taken Reid so long to answer his knock. The feeling that arose within him, took Morgan by surprise. Instead of the anger he would expect to feel, he felt sadness and desperation.

~_Kid, I'm here for you. I want to help you through this. You don't have to do this alone. There's no way you can do this alone_, ~ Morgan thought, thinking about what his doctor friend, Eric, had told him about what Reid would be facing if he was indeed using Dilaudid. He had asked general questions about drug addiction of Eric, as well as specific questions of the drug that had been Hankle's choice. It was a guess at this point, Reid not having admitted anything to him. Morgan's gut told him he was right though.

He looked back up at Reid, catching his friend's gaze briefly before the younger agent broke eye contact. Reid glanced down at his sleeve briefly, but he made no attempt to fix it. It was as if he was saying he was done hiding what he was doing by his lack of action. Instead, he lifted his head again, but his gaze looked past Morgan at some point on the wall behind him.

Uncomfortable with the silence that had settled between them, Morgan decided to break it.

"Kid . . ."

"Not now, Morgan," Reid replied, not letting him get any further. The words weren't a command but a plea.

"_He's got to be ready to quit. Until he's ready to admit that he has a problem and that he wants to overcome it there isn't anything you or anyone else can do," Eric had told him. _

"_So I just leave him alone until he decides he's through trying to destroy his career and friendships? His life?"_

"_No, I'm not saying that. Keep offering help. Keep trying to get him to talk about it. It's okay to push but don't push so much that all you end up doing is destroying the friendship that you have."_

Though he didn't want to push too much, Morgan couldn't just let it go that easily. He needed to know. "Then that wasn't a plea for help back at the police station?" Morgan asked, keeping his eyes on Reid's face, searching for things that may not be conveyed with his friend's words.

"We have a plane to catch," was Reid's response, neither admitting nor denying the question.

"Will you let me drive you home when we get back so we can talk about this then?" Morgan asked, clinging to the slight hope he saw in the fact that Reid didn't outright deny he had been asking for help. He saw Reid give a slight nod. Knowing that was the best answer he was going to get for right now, when Morgan spoke, it was with another question. "Are you packed?" Morgan asked, letting the subject of what was bothering the younger agent go for now.

Reid nodded again before turning and going back into the room. The younger agent picked up his messenger bag, and lifted it over his head letting the strap rest on his left shoulder, the bag resting against the right side of his body. He then picked up the black go-bag on the bed and turned toward the door again. Not another word passed between the two of them as they headed down to the lobby.

Prentiss and JJ were already there when Morgan and Reid stepped off the elevator but there was no sign of Hotch or Gideon yet. Morgan walked over to wear Prentiss was leaning against the wall, her bag at her feet. JJ was sitting in a chair not far away from her. Instead of joining his teammates, Reid went and sat down on a couch on the other side of the lobby. As Morgan and Prentiss started discussing a recent movie they had both seen, JJ got up and crossed the lobby sitting on the couch next to Reid.

Trying to ignore JJ's presence, Reid started counting the circles in the pattern on the lobby's rug. JJ reached out to ruffle Reid's hair, but he moved away from the gesture.

"Are you okay, Spence?" JJ finally asked quietly.

"Fine," Reid replied, brusquely.

JJ was taken back by the harshness in her friend's voice, not accustomed to hearing him use a tone like that, especially when talking with her. Hurt by the response but not wanting to leave him, she remained where she was. Without really thinking about it, JJ reached out to button the left sleeve of his shirt that he had never bothered to fix.

"Quit it!" Reid said, pulling his shirt out of her grip. "I'm not some little kid! I can dress myself!" he told her, getting to his feet and stalking toward the front entrance leaving behind a visibly upset JJ.

Morgan and Prentiss had ended their conversation at the sound of Reid's outburst. They both looked from the sight of Reid storming out of the hotel entrance to the crushed look on JJ's face. Knowing that he wouldn't be any good at consoling JJ right now, Morgan headed for the front entrance of the hotel himself, leaving Prentiss to go to the team's media liaison. The ding of the elevator, caused Morgan to glance over his shoulder. The doors of the elevator parted to reveal Hotch and Gideon arriving in the lobby.

~_One other thing that checking on Reid helps me avoid is explaining to those two what just happened, _~ Morgan thought, as Hotch and Gideon stepped into the lobby, perplexed looks already on their faces. He continued for the door, leaving the explanations to the girls.

Stepping through the door into the sunny San Francisco morning, Morgan glanced to his right and then to his left. He spotted Reid about fifteen feet down the sidewalk, leaning against the building. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and his head rested back against the building. Morgan took a few steps in his direction, more to stop blocking the door than to actually get any closer to Reid.

Though the younger agent looked troubled, it didn't look as if he had any plans on going any further than he had right then. Taking into consideration his earlier talk with Reid, and his reaction to JJ's gestures of friendship that would normally have not bothered him, Morgan decided that going to Reid right then might be a bad idea. He had separated himself from the group when he had come into the lobby. Chances are that he wanted that distance even more now. That any attempt to talk to or comfort him would be met with resistence if not hostility.

~_The best thing to do is just to give him a bit of space for now, _~ Morgan told himself, though he didn't move to head back into the hotel. He couldn't bring himself to let his friend out of his sight, worried that he might disappear if he did so. Given the fact that Reid had ignored calls while they had been down in New Orleans, there was no reason to believe he wouldn't do so again in the right circumstances. Morgan was so focused on Reid that he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning, he saw Gideon standing close behind him.

"JJ?" Morgan asked.

"Hotch and Prentiss are with her. She's pretty upset. What happened?"

"I'm not really sure. Prentiss and I were talking and then the next thing we knew Reid was storming out saying something about he wasn't a little kid. You know what those two are like. JJ was probably just doing something she normally does but the state of mind Reid has been in lately . . ."

Morgan let his voice trail off, not wanting to give away too much. He knew Gideon had suspicions of his own but whether they were on the same track as his, Morgan wasn't sure. If they weren't, he wasn't about to get the older profiler thinking along those lines.

"Why don't you go grab your bag and Reid's bag as well," Gideon said, nodding his head in the direction of the hotel entrance. "As soon as JJ's ready, we'll head for the restaurant. I'll keep an eye on Reid."

Morgan nodded, relieved that he wasn't the only one who didn't like the idea of letting the kid out of their sight right now. Heading back toward the entrance, Morgan opened the door, held it for a woman carrying a toddler, and holding a young boy by the hand, and then stepped back into the hotel. He looked over in the direction of the couch where JJ was still sitting, Prentiss and Hotch on either side of her. The blonde media liaison was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue that one of her co-workers had produced.

Somehow, the sight of JJ crying because of something Reid had said to her, hurt worse than when the genius had slapped him.

~_There are wrongs darker than death or night_, ~ Morgan thought, as he walked toward his bag which still sat against the lobby wall, next to Prentiss' bag.


	6. Talking But Not Really Talking About It

AN: Thanks to LoveForPenAndDerek for suggesting the prompt I used in this chapter! I appreciate it as well as the other suggestions I got. Still need more if anyone would be so kind as to send other prompts my way. Hope you all enjoy.

Prompt: Tomorrow, you promise yourself, will be different, ye tomorrow is too often a repetition of today. Author James T. McCay

* * *

Gideon looked up from the crossword puzzle he was working on to find Hotch staring past him. Glancing over his shoulder, the federal agent found that Hotch was looking in Reid's direction. The youngest member of their team was sitting alone at a corner table in the restaurant, a plate of food from the buffet sitting in front of him. Though he normally would have sat with either him or Hotch, or the two girls, Reid had once again chosen to isolate himself from the group.

"You're wondering if we should go join him, aren't you?" Gideon asked, turning his head to look at his friend and co-worker.

Hotch let his gaze shift from Reid to the man sitting at the table with him. "Am I being that obvious?"

Gideon shrugged. "Just to those who know you well," he replied. Both men knew that meant everyone on the team. "I thought we both decided that the less we know about what is going on with him, the better everyone involved would be."

"We did," Hotch said with a sigh. "I'm just starting to wonder if that was the best decision."

"Morgan appears to have taken an interest in the matter," Gideon commented. "Let's just be patient and see if he can handle things. In fact, I'm sure he'll probably end up sitting with Spencer whether he's wanted or not."

"And if he doesn't."

"Then you and I can move to that table if you'd like."

"Maybe we should have never let him try to handle this on his own. Perhaps we should have stepped in as soon as we saw the signs," Hotch said, his gaze back on his youngest team member. As he watched, he saw Morgan approaching the table and taking the seat across from Reid. The younger agent didn't even bother to look up.

"We both tried talking to him, remember. He kept insisting everything was fine. Short of making it official and ordering a second psych eval, which I will remind you any one of us on this team could fake our way through, there wasn't much else we could do. His job performance, while not up to his normal standards, hasn't really suffered any."

"I'm just worried."

"Everyone on this team is. Let's give it some time and see if Morgan can get him through this."

"So we just sit back and watch?" Hotch asked, in a tone that clearly said it was a course of action he was not at all happy with.

"'_Tomorrow, you promise yourself, will be different yet tomorrow is too often a repetition of today,_ '" Gideon said softly.

"Yeah, well what took place this morning is definitely not something I want to see repeated," Hotch replied, picking up his coffee cup as Gideon returned to his crossword puzzle.

* * *

Prentiss watched as JJ stabbed a piece of fruit with her fork. The blonde had been quiet since they had arrived at the restaurant but the dark-haired agent could tell that the incident back at the hotel had her friend troubled. Having been on the receiving end of one of Reid's outbursts, she could understand. ~_And JJ is closer to him than I am, so I imagine she feels even more hurt by it.~_

"It'll blow over," Prentiss said in a reassuring tone.

"Oh, I know it will. I know that wasn't him so I'm not taking it personally," JJ replied, looking across the table at Prentiss. She saw the disbelieving look that Prentiss gave her, as the other agent took a bite of her scrambled eggs. "I'm not," JJ told her, with more conviction in her voice this time again. "I'm more hurt by the fact that I know something isn't right but he won't talk to me about it."

"Maybe he's trying to protect you," Prentiss said.

"I'm the one that should have been protecting him better. If I had been there to back him, then none of that mess that happened in Georgia would have happened."

"You don't know that," Prentiss told her, hearing the guilt in the other woman's voice. "Hankle may have ended up taking you both or you could have both been killed. Besides, it's not like you didn't have your own hands full dealing with those dogs."

JJ felt a shiver go up her spine at the mention of the black dogs. She had never been overly fond of dogs, but she had never been scared of them before. Now she found herself changing her route to avoid crossing paths with people out walking their dogs when she was out walking in her neighborhood or walking in the park.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right JJ? I know we've talked a bit about what happened down in Georgia, but if you still need to talk . . ." Prentiss asked, having seen the slight shudder from her friend.

"I know," JJ said. "I'm fine, really I am. I just wish I knew that the same could be said for Spence. I don't know what has gotten into him lately, and he's lost weight. He's going to make himself sick."

"We just need to be patient. Make sure he knows we're here for him when he's ready to accept our help."

"So we just sit back and watch him self-destruct. I don't like that option."

"It's either that, or be prepared to be the recipient of a whole lot more of those outbursts like this morning. I have a feeling that isn't something you want to do. Not to mention he's even more likely to accomplish what he's trying to do."

"Which is?" JJ asked, though she already knew what Prentiss was going to say and was just trying not to admit it herself.

"Trying to push us away. Convince himself that no one is there for him."

"Why?"

"Because it makes the way he feels easier to justify in his mind," Prentiss told her. Though the dark-haired agent had seen this behavior before in people she had known. Had seen it work and had seen the people who cared about them stand fast and not let their friend or loved one push them away. The question was - what was causing his behavior? What was it Reid was hiding? She had tried not to ponder those questions too much, as she was fairly certain she didn't want to know the answer to them.

She looked at the back of Morgan's head a few tables away as he sat with Reid. Morgan was blocking her view of her other co-worker but somehow she could still picture what Reid looked like right about now, looking lost and not making eye contact with the dark-skinned agent.

~_I'm more than happy to let Morgan try to handle the situation, ~ _Prentiss thought, Reid's words about her not really knowing him echoing through her mind. ~_I just hope Morgan can get through to him.~_

Though she didn't have much of an appetite, Prentiss returned to her breakfast as the two women fell silent. Looking across the table at her friend, she could see how miserable JJ still was and from the lackadaisical way she stabbed at the fruit she had gotten for her breakfast, Prentiss had a feeling JJ's appetite was as lacking as hers was.

_~Why do I have a feeling this is going to be one long plane ride home?~ _Prentiss thought as she stabbed some more of the scrambled eggs on her plate.


	7. Reaching Rock Bottom?

**AN: Thanks to all that have reviewed. You're comments are appreciated as always. Also, a thanks to brittanydelko4ever for providing the prompt for this chapter. Had not intentions of going where that prompt took me, but I like the turn the story took with it. Thanks! Still willing to take other suggestions for prompts.**

_**Prompt: a barfight**_

* * *

"You really should eat something," Morgan commented as he spread cream cheese over the second half of the toasted bagel. He had eaten the first half while watching Reid push food around on his plate.

"What do you think you are, my mother?" Reid snapped, not looking up as he stabbed the oblong piece of sausage that was on his plate.

"No, just a concerned friend," Morgan replied calmly, refusing to react to the words or the tone in which his friend had said them.

Instead of taking a bite of the sausage, Reid put the fork down on his plate. He reached for his coffee cup and took a long drink of the hot liquid. He glanced over at Morgan, who was now calmly eating his bagel. Reid fought the urge to tell the other profiler to leave. To go sit somewhere else because though part of him didn't want him sitting at the table, monitoring whether he ate or not, he also didn't want to be sitting alone in the restaurant, especially considering the looks he had been getting from Hotch. Having Morgan around was a better option than the unit chief considering the fact that he had just shot up with Dilaudid a little over an hour ago.

Across the table from him, Morgan tried to think of some neutral topic to bring up. Something to break the silence that existed between the two of them. He didn't like it, usually having no problem talking with the young genius even if his comments often caused Reid to go off on some obscure tangent or start spouting off statistics.

_~He hasn't been doing that much lately, and I'm kind of missing it, _~ Morgan realized.

Reid picked up the fork, the sausage still impaled on it, and took a small bite of it. He then laid the rest of it back down on the plate.

Morgan held himself back from the comment that was on the tip of his tongue, knowing it wouldn't be well received by the younger man. Continual prodding wasn't going to get him to eat more.

Reid got to his feet then, his bag still over one shoulder. He had only taken about two steps when he reached out for the table and closed his eyes. Morgan was immediately on his own feet.

"Kid?" Morgan questioned, resting a hand on Reid's upper arm. It didn't seem like the younger man was going to faint, or his knees buckle, though Morgan planned on being ready if it should happen.

"Just felt dizzy there for a moment. I probably stood up too quickly," Reid replied, slowly opening his eyes.

To Morgan, he seemed to sway just a little. "Perhaps you should sit back down," Morgan suggested.

"No, I'm fine. The dizziness has passed though I still feel sick to my stomach," Reid replied, moving to take a step in the direction he had been headed.

Morgan nodded, and without a word started walking with Reid toward the bathroom. He knew if he asked, his friend would insist he was fine and didn't need him to come with him but at the same time probably wouldn't just openly tell him to go away. Morgan was correct in that second assumption, as Reid said nothing as he walked beside the younger man, keeping a close eye on him. The dark-skinned agent caught Hotch's gaze as they walked and could read the question in their supervisor's gaze. Morgan shook his head once, indicating to Hotch that he had the situation under control.

In the bathroom, Morgan leaned against one of the two sinks as Reid went into the first of the two empty stalls. No sooner had Reid entered the stall then the sounds of Reid's stomach forcefully trying to empty itself reached Morgan's ears. Knowing that the kid hadn't eaten much at dinner last night nor breakfast this morning, he figured most of what was being forcefully expelled was bile.

~_According to Eric, the dizziness, nausea, and vomiting are all typical side effects of Dilaudid use, _~ Morgan thought, now even more convinced that Reid's recent issues were drug related. ~_I need to get him to admit it to me.~ _However, Morgan knew that now was not the time to do that. ~_As soon as we get back home,_~ Morgan told himself. ~_That's when I'll do a little pushing._~

It was a while before Reid finally came out of the bathroom stall. Morgan could tell Reid still wasn't feeling too well, but he stayed silent. Not saying a word either, the younger agent walked to the other sink. Morgan watched as Reid washed his hands, then cupping them took a drink of it and rinsed out his mouth. After drying his hands on a paper towel, Reid headed for the door, Morgan right behind him.

Reid didn't bother heading back to the table and instead headed for the exit of the restaurant. Morgan made sure he made eye contact with Gideon before he followed. It looked as if his breakfast wasn't getting finished this morning either.

* * *

Morgan leaned his head back against the headrest of his own SUV. He was parked outside of Reid's apartment building trying to decide on what he should do. Reid had let him give him a ride home but he hadn't been too talkative. In fact, Reid hadn't said a word to him the entire drive despite having promised to talk before they left California. When Morgan had pulled the vehicle to the curb, Reid had quickly gotten out of the vehicle, snatched his go-bag from the back seat and headed for his apartment building. Morgan had been so surprised by the actions that he hadn't attempted to follow.

A half hour later, he was still sitting in the vehicle trying to decide what to do. He had promised himself that he was going to push a little, and try to get Reid to talk to him. As soon as he was alone with Reid though, he hadn't known what to say. Wasn't sure how he could approach the subject in a way that could get him to talk. Though Morgan had made several attempts to engage Reid in conversation, his friend had either given noncommittal answers or ignored him all together. Morgan had contemplated pulling the car over so he could better engage his companion in conversation but had hesitated. He had been afraid that exactly what had happened here would happen. That Reid would vacate the car and stalk off. At least here Morgan knew where he was. If he had pulled over somewhere else, Reid would probably be walking the streets right now.

It was then that Morgan saw Reid come out of the front door of his apartment building. Without even glancing in the direction that Morgan was parked, Reid came down the steps of the building and turned, heading down the sidewalk away from Morgan. ~_Now what is the kid up to, _~ Morgan thought, getting out of his car and following his friend.

Morgan ended up tailing Reid to a bar. ~_If he is using this is a very bad idea_, ~Morgan thought as he stepped through the front door. Pausing after stepping into the building to scan the area, he quickly spotted Reid just sitting down on a stool at the bar. There was an empty stool on either side of him and Morgan decided it was time to quit following him and make his presence known. Walking toward the bar, Morgan took a seat on the stool to Reid's left.

"I still don't want to talk," Reid told him.

"Fine," Morgan replied, "then we'll sit in silence."

As the bartender came back with a glass of pale liquid with bubbles in it and began to put it in front of Reid, Morgan reached out and placed his hand on the bartender's wrist. The man immediately gazed at Morgan.

"What is it?"

"Just ginger ale, like the man ordered," the bartender replied.

Morgan removed his hand and nodded. The bartender placed the glass on the counter and pushed it toward Reid. He then glanced back to Morgan. "What can I get you?"

"A cola please," Morgan replied.

With a nod the bartender moved to get him his drink.

"I'm not stupid, you know," Reid commented, placing his glass back on the bar after taking a sip.

"Did I ever say you were?" Morgan asked, not sure what Reid was referring to.

"You had to ask what I ordered. You were worried it was alcoholic."

"Just looking out for a friend. I don't think you're stupid but I do think you're lost," Morgan replied. The bartender placed a glass in front of Morgan who murmured his thanks.

"I'm not lost enough to mix certain things with alcohol."

Morgan nodded. It wasn't a direct admission, and giving their surroundings that was probably a good thing. However, it was a step in that direction.

Before either of them had a chance to say anything else, a hand was placed on Reid's shoulder. Reid turned his head to look over his shoulder at the owner of the hand. A man about six foot tall, with broad shoulders, and dressed in biker attire was standing behind him. Two other similarly dressed men were standing behind the first guy.

"You're sitting in my barstool," the guy said.

Reid shrugged his shoulders and turned his head back forward again. "There are other stools. Go sit in one of them."

Shocked that it was Reid who had just said that, Morgan didn't react.

"I don't want to. I want you to move."

"Make me."

Angrily the guy grabbed Reid's arm and pulled him to his feet. Turning he shoved the federal agent forward one of his companions sticking out a foot to trip him, causing Reid to fall to the ground.

Getting over his shock at his friend's response to the guy, Morgan was getting to his feet.

Reid scrambled to his feet, and went after the guy who had shoved him to the ground. The guy who had tripped him grabbed him from behind, pulling Reid from the first guy and holding him as the first guy punched him in the gut.

Meanwhile, the third guy had interposed himself between Morgan and the three fighting. As the guy took a swing at him, Morgan grabbed his arm, twisting it behind the guy and pushing him toward the bar. The guy's head hit Reid's glass spilling the carbonated drink across the bar. Holding the guy against the bar with his one hand and the weight of his body, Morgan pulled out his badge with his other hand, flipped it open and put it in front of the guy's face.

"You may want to rethink this," Morgan told him.

"Hey guys, this dude is FBI," the guy Morgan had a hold of yelled out.

Morgan felt the guy he was holding stop fighting. He let him go, taking a step back and turning to check on the other two guys. One was still holding Reid's arms. The federal agent was trying to catch his breath and not putting up much of a struggle. The first guy had stopped in his assault and was now looking in Morgan's direction.

"My suggestion is that the three of you walk out of here before I arrest you for assaulting a federal officer," Morgan informed him.

The guy who had spoken first took a look at the badge Morgan was holding, and then back at Reid who was still being held by his pal. Sensing movement to his side, Morgan glanced quickly to the third guy who had swung at him, to see him making a retreat for the door.

"Let's go," the first guy said, to his buddy.

The man holding Reid let go of him. Morgan immediately moved to Reid's side, even as he kept an eye on the retreating bikers.

"What the hell was that?" Morgan asked him.

"It wasn't his stool," Reid replied.

Morgan shook his head as he put his arm around Reid. "Let's get you home."

The younger agent pulled away. "I'm fine," Reid told him, pulling away, his movements and tone of voice not revealing that he was feeling any pain.

~_Probably because he's high on pain killers right now_, ~ Morgan thought. "I have a feeling that attitude is going to change," Morgan told him.

Morgan put his credentials away, pulled out his wallet to get money to pay for their drinks. Tossing the money on the bar near his unspilled drink, he put his wallet away.

"Let's go, Kid," Morgan told him, grabbing a hold of Reid's arm just above the elbow. He was relieved when Reid didn't resist him, but started walking toward the entrance. He really hadn't wanted to drag the younger agent out of the bar, but had been prepared to do so if necessary.

~_I'll take the kid back home, get some coffee in him and a few hours to come down off the high. If nothing else, maybe this incident will finally get through to him and show him that something has got to change, _~ Morgan thought as the two headed out of the bar.


	8. Admission

Prompt: a parachute - Thanks to brittanydelko4ever for providing me with the prompt.

* * *

"Maybe now would be a good time to search his apartment, Derek," Dr. Eric Rollins suggested to his friend over the phone.

Morgan shook his head, even though Eric couldn't see the gesture. "It wouldn't help matters any. I need him to face his problem not convince myself there is a problem. At this point, I don't have any doubts. Not after the behavior I've seen from him today. He's on something," Morgan told him. "Though, at this point I'm just speculating as to what," he added, as he glanced through the open door of Reid's bedroom.

Reid was currently sprawled out on his bed, asleep. He had headed there as soon as the two of them had walked through his apartment door four hours ago. Morgan figured avoiding him had been part of Reid's motive, but as the kid had slept for awhile now, he had to concede that exhaustion was part of the reason too.

"Well, the first thing you need to do is convince him that he needs help, and as hard as that's going to be, it isn't always the hardest part of the recovery of an addict. Depending on what he's on, detox could be rough. I can help you find a treatme . . ."

"There is no way I'm going to be able to convince him to enter a treatment program. Even if there wasn't a chance of him and others losing their jobs over this, he'd never go for it."

"Derek, if he's using Dilaudid, which considering the hypotheticals you've been posing I'm inclined to think that's what you think your friend is on, a cold turkey detox can be very painful if the abuse of the drug has been extensive or long term, dangerous even."

"I know. You've told me. Eric, I don't know what else to do. I'll try to talk him into a detox program but I know he won't go for it and I'm not about to lose him to this drug. I almost lost him seven weeks ago. If I need to help him through detox on my own, then that's what I'm going to do, no matter how hard it is."

"Call me if you need me. For anything or anytime. I'll even help you through an unofficial detox if that's what he insists on."

"Thanks Eric," Morgan said, his attention diverted to a groan from the bedroom. "I got to go. I think he's starting to wake up."

"It's been about what five hours since that bar fight?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, from what you told me about the fight, I've got a feeling he's going to be in some pain from that even if he isn't starting to feel withdrawal symptoms. The pain itself might be enough to want him to take more of the drug, so keep an eye on him. Also, given the amount of time that's past since we know he hasn't taken anything, it would be okay to let him take some ibuprofen to help with the pain. I'll probably be at the clinic for a couple more hours. See if you can't convince him to come see me here and barring that, see if he's receptive to me stopping by there," Eric said, his training as a doctor coming through.

"Got it," Morgan said, even as he got to his feet. He ended the call and clipped his cell phone to his belt as he walked into the bedroom.

The light from the lamp next to the bed allowed Morgan to see that though he was starting to get restless, Reid was still asleep. Another groan escaped the younger man's lips. ~_What ever the kid is using, it's probably at least most of the way out of his system by now. I have a feeling he's going to regret taking on those guys at the bar_,~ he thought.

Morgan left the room and headed for the kitchen to put a fresh pot of coffee on, having made himself some earlier. As it started to brew, Morgan headed back to the bedroom to find Reid slowly sitting up on the edge of the bed, his movements slow and stiff.

"How are you feeling now?" Morgan asked.

"Like I jumped out of a plane and forgot my parachute," Reid remarked, his right arm going across his mid-section almost protectively.

"Yeah. Even I don't go mouthing off to three guys who are that big," Morgan commented, as he sat down on the bed next to Reid. "Now that you're thinking a little straighter, are you ready to talk?"

Reid groaned slightly as he placed his elbows on his knees and let his head come to rest in his hands. "You're not going to let this go are you?" he responded.

"I think I might have let it go too long already," Morgan told him, reaching out to place his hand on Reid's back. He felt the younger man tense up, but didn't draw his hand away. "Reid, I've got a friend who's a doctor, he could . . ."

"I might have a problem but I'm not going into rehab. I don't want to lose my job over this, nor do I want anyone else to lose their jobs."

"He helps run a free clinic. Just let me take you down . . ."

"Get out!" Reid said suddenly, getting to his feet, and pointing in the direction of the door. He immediately regretted the movement as it shot a new wave of pain through his bruised mid-section. With a groan of pain Reid sank to his knees, one hand back across his mid-section and the other on the bed for some support.

Despite the outburst, Morgan didn't even consider leaving. Instead he moved to kneel down beside Reid.

"Not this time, Kid," Morgan told him quietly. "Not unless you want me to call someone else to be with you because I can't in good conscience leave you alone in this condition."

"Like anyone would come," Reid replied, tensing as Morgan put an arm across his shoulders but not trying to pull away.

"Any of them would, Reid. We hate to see you like this, but we've just been unsure of how to help you."

Reid said something so low that Morgan didn't quite hear him. When he asked him to repeat it, the younger man just shook his head. Instead of pressing the matter, Morgan helped Reid to his feet and got him sitting back on the edge of the bed.

"I think that coffee should be ready," Morgan said, as he headed toward the doorway of the bedroom. He needed a few minutes to think out what he should do next.

Feeling like he was in over his head, Morgan went to the kitchen and prepared two cups of coffee. ~_I feel like I'm just making things worse. I want him to accept my help not shrink further away,"_~ Morgan thought pouring the dark liquid from the coffee pot into the mugs. He added milk and sugar to both cups, and, not feeling any more ready to deal with the situation, headed back to the bedroom.

The room was empty when he reached it. A glance at the bathroom revealed a closed door and a light coming from underneath the door. Morgan placed Reid's cup down on the night stand and then took a sip from his own cup. As the ceramic rim of the cup touched his lips though, a slight commotion from the bathroom drew his attention. Listening, it almost sounded as Reid was looking for something. Morgan set his cup down next to Reid's and walked across the room to the closed door.

"Reid, is everything okay?" Morgan asked, standing outside the door.

He got no answer. From inside he heard the sound of something light hitting something else, as if something was being dropped. He then heard the sound of glass breaking.

"Reid, open the door," Morgan called out, knocking on the door.

He waited a moment but got no answer. Within, he could hear sobbing as more glass broke. Reaching for the doorknob, Morgan was relieved to find it unlocked. Pushing the door open, he stepped inside to find needles along with some other common bathroom items scattered on the floor. Reid was now standing at the sink, hands gripping the side of it with his head bowed.

"Reid?" Morgan asked, concerned about his friend and still not quite sure what had been broken as the mirror was still intact. He approached the other man slowly.

Reid didn't respond, though his shoulders started to shake as he started crying harder. Reaching him, Morgan tentatively put a hand around Reid's shoulders. When the younger man didn't stiffen up or try to pull away, Morgan gently pulled him into a hug. The fact that Reid wasn't resisting the action told Morgan just how hurt and lost his friend was feeling right about now.

"Easy, Kid. We'll get you through this," Morgan told him softly, his eyes landing on the sight of several small broken vials lying in the bathtub. The profiler knew he had discovered the source of the broken glass sound.

Morgan wasn't sure why Reid had come into the bathroom. What he did know was that by breaking those vials, his friend had at least taken a step in the right direction. ~_Now the trick is to keep him going in that direction,~_ Morgan thought.

"Morgan, I need help. I've tried to quit on my own but I can't do it. I always give in. At first I just used the drug as a way to escape what happened down in Georgia, at least for a little while," Reid said, the words muffled a bit as Morgan still held him close as the younger man had made no attempt to pull away from the embrace. "I kept telling myself that I had it under control. That I could stop any time. That I didn't really need it. Now . . . I need the drug in order to function."

"No you don't, Kid. Admitting there is a problem is the first step. You can stop, you just need some help. We could still find a . . . "

Reid suddenly pulled away, backing away from Morgan. "No! After everything else I've put all of you through I'm not going to take any chance of one of you losing your jobs over this!"

"Okay, okay," Morgan said, reaching out and grabbing Reid's arm to keep him from continuing to back away. He wasn't sure Reid was aware of his surroundings and he didn't need him tripping over something and getting hurt."Forget that idea," Morgan said, holding onto Reid's arm. "You do know what your facing though, don't you?"

"I've read the literature," Reid responded seriously.

"At least let my friend help us through this," Morgan suggested, even as Reid started shaking his head in response. "Kid, hear me out. We'll keep all this quiet. My friend will come here, no records. We'll keep this all unofficial but he can help us through the process. Make it a little easier on you."

"I don't want to get anyone in trouble."

"You're not going to."

"I don't know. I hate to even get you . . ."

"I'm not leaving you like this, Reid, so don't even try to suggest that I let you deal with this alone. I should have probably gotten more involved before this," Morgan said, cutting his friend off. "You trust me don't you?" he asked. He watched as Reid nodded his head in response. "Then trust me when I tell you that Eric will keep this quiet. You don't need to worry about that. Okay?"

There was a pause before Reid finally nodded his agreement, wiping the last trace of tears away.

"Okay, there's coffee out there for you. Let me clean up in here and then we'll figure out exactly how we're going to handle this," Morgan told him. Reid's nod was barely noticeable.

Taking a couple steps toward him, Morgan gave his friend another hug. "We've got a rough patch ahead of us, Kid, but it's going to be okay. We'll get you through this."

The hug was brief, and as Reid walked back out into the bedroom, Morgan glanced around the bathroom. With a sigh he began to clean up the mess Reid had made, hoping that he hadn't just made a promise that he couldn't keep.


	9. First Step Down a Long Road

**Prompt:** Comes from the CM episode "The Stranger" and is the opening quote used: _"Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters " - Stephen King_

* * *

After cleaning up the mess Reid had created in the bathroom, Morgan searched the bathroom for any other vials or needles. He didn't find anything and by the time he left the room everything was put back together. Walking into the bedroom, he found that Reid had retreated back to his bed. The younger man was sitting with his back against the headboard. He was hugging one of his pillows close to him, with his knees drawn up in front of him. Morgan could see the beads of sweat on Reid's forehead and the slight shivering despite it being warm in the apartment.

~_He's starting to feel the effects of withdrawal_, ~ Morgan thought as he watched the younger man. He hated to ask what he was going to ask but it had to be done. "Reid, I need to know for sure what you're on."

"Dilaudid," came the one word reply. Reid didn't look at Morgan but instead kept his gaze straight ahead.

"You have any more other than what was in the bathroom?" Morgan asked.

"One vial and some needles in my bag," Reid replied, his voice void of emotion. "The bag is by the door."

Morgan had figured he'd have some in his messenger bag. He took Reid telling him where it was at as him resigning himself to Morgan looking through it. The dark-skinned profiler nodded. "Reid, I want to search this place. Make sure there isn't anything else hidden anywhere. It would only be a temptation to you later," Morgan said sadly, hating himself but knowing it was the only way to be sure.

"I know."

Morgan walked toward him. Reaching the side of the bed, the older man picked Reid's cell phone up from the bedside table. "Here, call yourself out sick. Neither one of us is going into work today," Morgan said, as it was already well past midnight.

"What about you?" Reid asked, as he took the phone from Morgan.

"I'll wait a bit and then call in telling them I need to take some time off for a family emergency," Morgan replied, picking up the two mugs of coffee, the liquid now cold. His own was almost full and Reid's mug only half-empty.

"I don't want you lying. If they find out . . ."

"I won't be lying, Kid. I consider you family, so don't worry about me," Morgan told him.

Reid nodded and flipped open his phone. Turning, Morgan walked out of the bedroom as Reid started to place the call. He paused at the door only long enough to transfer both mugs to one hand and reach down for the messenger bag. With all three items in hand, Morgan headed for the kitchen. Reaching the room, he placed the bag on the counter, took the mugs to the sink, dumped the contents down the drain and placed both mugs on the counter. Leaning back against the counter he unclipped his cell phone.

"Hey, Derek. What's going on?"

"He's ready to quit, but like I thought, he's refusing to go through a treatment program. He's determined to go through this on his own. Can you help us out, Eric? After everything you've told me, I'm scared for him."

"Your friend knows you're asking for my help?"

"Yes, and I got him to reluctantly agree to it," Morgan told him. Reaching up, he trailed one hand back over the top of his head, as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Man, I hate some of the things I've had to do and the questions that I've had to ask. I know I have to search his apartment, and he seems resigned to it but it just doesn't seem right, Eric. I'm supposed to be his friend."

"Which is why you're doing all of this. Dealing with an addiction is never easy and it isn't just the person with the illness that gets hurt. Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters."

"Don't get all philosophical on me, Eric. I'm not in the mood."

"All I'm trying to say is that things aren't as they should be right now. Your friend isn't acting like himself, and some of what you have got to do to help him isn't going to feel like something a friend would do. Just remember, you're doing this because you care about him and once he's past his addiction, he'll understand even if he doesn't now."

"I sure hope you're right," Morgan said.

"I am. I may not know everything, but this is one area in which I have experience," Eric told him. "I'll be there as soon as I can. I've got to put a few things in order, and make sure I have what I need before coming over. Did you find out for sure what he's on?"

"It's Dilaudid."

"Good. I like knowing exactly what I'm dealing with."

"He's already showing withdrawal signs."

"Do you know if he has any of the drug on him?"

"He broke three vials and he said he's got one in his bag, which I've got here in the kitchen with me. I haven't checked the bag though."

"Check for it now," Eric instructed.

"Okay," Morgan said, stepping away from the counter he was leaning against and crossing over to the one where the messenger bag was sitting. "Do you mind explaining why I'm doing this?" Morgan asked as he tucked the phone between his head and shoulder, and reached out for the bag. Opening it, he began searching for the vial and needles Reid said was in it.

"Because I need to know if I need to 'waste' some here at the clinic before I leave or not in case it's needed."

"Needed?" Morgan said, stopping his search. "Are you saying you may purposely give him it. I thought we were supposed to be helping him quit."

"We are but Dilaudid, even when it is being used in the correct manner, is something that the dose should be tapered gradually and not just stopped. Depending on how much he has been taken and how often, it may be necessary to ease him off the drug if the effects of the withdrawal get to be too much for his body to handle. So, is there some there?"

Morgan went back to the search. It wasn't long before he came up with the vial. The needles weren't far from it. "Yeah, there is a vial in his bag."

"Good. Less paperwork. Once he's past the worst of the withdrawal symptoms, we'll waste it. Meanwhile, I need to finish up here, call out of work for a few days, and stop by and talk to my wife before coming over there. If you can, get him to drink some water. Dehydration is going to be something we're going to have to fight against, once the nausea sets in. Don't hesitate to call if you need me before I get there."

"Okay," Morgan said, placing the vial on the counter and closing the bag. He gave Eric Reid's address, informed Eric that he would leave the apartment door unlocked for him and then ended the call.

Morgan put his cell phone back in the clip, and then finished looking through the messenger bag. He didn't find anything else, which helped Morgan's mood a little. ~_At least he was honest about that, _~ he thought, picking up the vial and needles and tucking them away in a cabinet above the stove. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, and the bag off of the counter, he headed back to Reid's bedroom. He'd check on Reid and then, if Reid wasn't in the mood for company, Morgan figured he would get the unpleasant task of searching the apartment over with.

* * *

Morgan finished putting the books back on the shelf, satisfied that he had searched the apartment thoroughly. Reid had even produced the key to the locked drawer of his desk without Morgan having to ask, for which he was thankful. He hated doing this but knew it had to be done. He was just thankful it was over and even more so that the search hadn't uncovered anything. At least Reid had been truthful about how much of the drug he had on him. That in itself felt like a small victory.

The task completed, Morgan headed in the direction of the bathroom, where Reid had been the last time he checked on him, about fifteen minutes ago. Nausea from the withdrawal had set in, and Reid had been violently emptying what little contents there was in his stomach, into the toilet, the action only aggravating the bruises he had from the bar fight earlier. Morgan had tried to comfort him, only to be pushed away by his friend. He at least wanted to check on Reid, even if the younger man still didn't want him to stay.

Morgan found Reid where he had left him, on his knees, bent over the toilet bowl. As he stepped into the room, another bout of dry heaves racked Reid's body, the sounds mixing with the soft cries of pain the younger man was making. With a sigh, Morgan walked further into the room, grabbing the bottle of water off the sink that he had left the last time, as he passed by. Bending over, he gently eased Reid back away from the toilet, as the bout of dry heaves had come to an end. Reid didn't resist him this time, and Morgan settled himself on the floor, back to the wall, with Reid leaning against him, soft sobs shaking his body.

"Shhh, just relax for a bit, Kid," Morgan told his friend softly, as he placed the bottle on the floor next to him for now.

"I can't do this," Reid said softly. There was a tone of defeat to his voice.

"Yes, you can. I know its going to be hard but you don't need the drug," Morgan told him, having a feeling he knew how far Reid had gotten on his other attempts to quit. "Do you really want things to continue how they have been going - snapping at your friends and picking fights in bars?"

"No."

"Good, because that's not you, Reid, and we all know it. That's why we're all sticking by you, despite how you've been acting. It's the drug that is making you do those things."

Reid didn't reply as he rested against Morgan, the sobs continuing but the heavy breathing slowing. They remained that way for a few minutes, Morgan not knowing what else he could say to his friend. After awhile though, Reid pulled away from him, leaning his head back over the toilet as dry heaves racked his body again.

Getting to his feet, Morgan went to the cabinet under the sink remembering the basin he had seen there, while straightening up the room. Leaving the bathroom, he took the basin out to the bedroom and placed it on the floor near the bed. Returning to the bathroom, he knelt down next to Reid and reached for the bottle of water. Picking up the bottle, he unscrewed the cap and held it out to Reid.

"Take a drink."

Reid's reply was a quick shake of his head. Not backing down, Morgan insisted again. Giving in, Reid took the bottle from Morgan, who figured the younger man had given in simply because he didn't have the strength to fight it. Reid took two sips and then handed the bottle back to Morgan who twisted the lid back on. It hadn't been much but thinking of Eric's words and knowing how he had felt the last time he had spent the night throwing-up, Morgan figured it was at least something.

It wasn't long before Reid was leaning over the toilet bowl again, dry heaves racking his body. Morgan was relieved that nothing came up. At least Reid was keeping the fluid down for now. Morgan waited for the latest bout of dry heaves to pass before reaching down to help Reid up off the floor.

"Come on, Kid. Let's get you somewhere where you can rest."

"There's no way I'm going to be able to sleep the way I'm feeling," Reid replied, not resisting Morgan's helping hand up. He knew he wouldn't have the strength to even if he felt like it.

"Yeah, well that doesn't mean you can't lay down and rest," Morgan said, guiding Reid toward the door and out of the bathroom.

It wasn't long before Reid was on the bed, curled up in a ball, facing away from Morgan, who sat on the edge of the bed. The older man noticed that his friend was laying with his arms crossed across his abdomen. Sweat beaded Reid's face, but even in his curled up position, Morgan could see he was shivering.

Morgan wasn't sure what he should say. He didn't know what he could do to ease his friend's discomfort. The dark-skinned profiler settled for sitting there in silence, hoping that his presence would be some comfort. When Reid started gagging, Morgan held the basin for him until the spell passed. It was during one of those spells that he heard the apartment door open.

"Derek," Eric called out, followed by the shutting of the apartment's main door.

"In here," Morgan called out, relief flooding through him at the sound of his other friend's voice. He knew he had to be strong for Reid, and was grateful that he was going to have Eric there to be strong for him.

Footsteps caused him to look away from Reid to the doorway, his eyes falling on the form of Dr. Eric Rollins. Morgan expressed his gratitude to the doctor silently with his eyes, even as Eric Rollins walked purposefully into the room, already starting his assessment of his patient.


	10. Haunted

_**Prompt: Star Trek Deep Space Nine Episode title - "A Man Alone"**_

_**If anyone has any prompts feel free to send them my way!**  
_

* * *

~_If there is a hell on Earth this is it_, ~ Reid thought, as the wave of abdominal cramps eased up. He took in a deep breath, grateful for that small relief, though with the ache in his back and legs, the pain was still intense.

He stayed curled up in the fetal position which seemed to be the most comfortable. If he didn't move, at least the bruises from the bar fight didn't hurt. Morgan's doctor friend had said he hadn't broken anything in the fight. Right about then though, Reid wasn't sure how it could really matter, given the pain he was feeling. He didn't see how a broken rib could make anything worse.

Reid felt a cold cloth being pressed against his forehead again but he didn't bother with opening his eyes. He didn't need to in order to know who had done so. There were only two people in the apartment with him right now and despite Morgan's friend insistence that Morgan go lay down for a little bit, he had heard Morgan's protests to that idea. His friend had refused to leave his side right then. Inside, Reid knew it wasn't fair to Morgan. He wasn't sure how much time had past but he knew it well into the early morning hours by now. The words to tell Morgan to take his friend's advice, Reid couldn't recall the guy's name right then in the haze he was in, were on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't bring himself to voice them.

Reid felt a hand on his back again, gently rubbing in a circular motion. Though it didn't do anything to help the pain, that simple motion was a source of comfort and in the hell Reid felt like he was lost in right now, he would take whatever small comforts he could get. That was why he didn't tell Morgan to go get some rest himself, though he knew his friend needed it. It was selfish. He knew that, but on some level he didn't care at this point.

The muscles of his abdomen tightened again. Reid bit down on his lower lip, trying to hold back the cry of pain that was close to slipping out. His ears heard a slight whimpering, and his trained mind immediately thought that someone was in trouble. It took a moment for him to realize that the whimpering was coming from him.

~_I can't do this. It's too hard. I need the drug. The drug will put an end to this pain. It will help me forget all about Georgia. It'll end this suffering. I just need to escape._~

"I just want to end the pain."

"Kid, the drug was only masking the pain. It's not ending it," Morgan said calmly, his words making Reid realize that he had said at least some of those words out loud.

Another voice cut through the haze of pain he was in.

"Spencer, it's not too late to change your mind," the voice said. "You don't have to do this cold turkey," the voice continued, and Reid finally realized it was Morgan's doctor friend. "I can get you into a detox program."

"No," Reid said, shaking his head. He felt the cloth slip from his forehead.

"I can taper you off the drug then. Just tell me how much you were taking and how often. It'll take longer, but it'll be easier on you."

~_Yes_, ~ Reid's mind screamed, wanting the drug in any amount. He wanted to feel it going through his veins. Wanted the escape that the drug provided. Yet he knew that if he gave in now, his resolve to quit would crumble. ~_It's just a step backward and I don't know if I have the strength to move forward again if I give in.~_

"No. Please don't. I don't want it," Reid said, in his mind saying those words to Tobias as he tried to convince him not to inject the drug but was in no position to stop him.

"It'll help."

"I don't want it," Reid pleaded again, keeping his eyes closed.

Tobias took his arm and wrapped the belt around it. The belt was secured tight. Reid knew that pleading wasn't going to help. It hadn't the first time, and it wouldn't this time. He had to fight him. Keep Tobias from injecting him again.

"I don't want it," he said, lashing out, reaching for the belt with his other hand, trying to get it off.

"Easy, Kid, calm down."

Reid felt hands grab a hold of him. He fought. Opening his eyes, he lashed out at the two people who were trying to hold him down. He couldn't give in. He couldn't let them drug him again.

~_Two? There shouldn't be two. It was only Tobias and his other personas_.~

"Spencer, I'm not going to give you anything you don't want. You need to calm down though. The withdrawal is putting enough stress on your body. This isn't helping any."

~_That's not Tobias' voice_, ~ Reid realized, even as he continued to struggle. Despite those struggles though, he felt strong arms reach from behind him, and take hold of his forearms. Unable to resist, his arms were soon pinned, the strong arms holding him tight against whoever they belonged to.

"Kid, calm down." The words were whispered in his ear. "I don't know where you think you're at right now, but you're safe. Just relax before you hurt yourself more."

"Morgan?" Reid asked, his mind starting to separate between what was really going on and what he was just reliving in his mind.

"That's right," Morgan said. "We're at your apartment. You're safe. Eric and I are only trying to help you through this."

"I felt a belt around my arm. I thought Tobias was going to . . ."

Reid let his words trail off, realizing how absurd they sounded. Tobias was dead. It couldn't have been he.

"It was just the blood pressure cuff, Spencer," Eric said calmly, removing his weight from Reid's legs, now that the younger man seemed calmer. He realized what had set Reid off and what his mistake had been. Recalling Reid's pleading to his questions about other methods of detox, Eric realized that his patient had already been partly lost in his memories at that time. "I should have warned you. Should have told you what I was going to do. I'm sorry."

Reid had now relaxed completely against Morgan. Though the older agent's arms still encircled his friend, he wasn't being met with any kind of resistance. Eric saw Reid nod in reply to his words. The doctor realized that this wasn't just a typical case of withdrawal they were dealing with. There were other emotional issues that they were battling.

* * *

Morgan glanced at the window. Sun was peeking around the edges of the drawn blind. They had gotten through the first night, though he knew they still had a long way to go. He felt Reid tense up as he still rested against him. After Morgan had restrained him when Reid had lashed out with him, Reid had resisted being moved. Wanting to keep him calm, Morgan had stayed where he was, arms protectively around his friend. Though Morgan was starting to feel stiff from sitting in one position so long, the only movement he had made was to coax Reid into drinking some water. Water, which so far Reid had kept down.

~_At least that's one thing that is in our favor_.~

The sound of a knock at the door echoed through the apartment. Morgan glanced down at his watch and saw that it was seven-thirty. The only one who would know about Reid calling in sick at this hour would be Hotch, though the others would find out soon after arriving at the office. That of course didn't mean that it wasn't JJ or Garcia. Either of them could have decided to stop by and check up on Reid and offer him a ride to work. Whoever it was, he knew he had to answer the door. Not answering it would only cause whoever was out there to worry more.

Morgan started to ease Reid's weight off of him, so that he could rest the younger man down on the bed. Reid stirred but didn't resist. Morgan doubted Reid had much strength in him to resist.

"I'll be right back," Morgan told him.

"Don't let anyone in here. I don't want them to see me like this," Reid pleaded. "Not now."

"Okay," Morgan assured him.

The knock sounded again as he got to his feet. Across the bed, Eric had dozed off in a chair he had brought into the room.

~_He's going to end up with a stiff neck_, ~ Morgan thought, as he made his way out of the bedroom.

Reaching the front door, Morgan glanced out the peep hole. Then, sliding the security chain out, he opened the door, to find Hotch getting ready to knock again.

"I was hoping I would find you over here when I got the notification that you had both called out," Hotch said, as he took in Morgan standing at Reid's front door. "How is he?"

"It's been a rough night," Morgan replied. "He doesn't want the rest of you to see him like this. Can you tell the others to stay away for a few days?"

Hotch nodded. He knew Garcia, Em and JJ weren't going to be happy at that news but they would respect the request.

"How long are the two of you going to be out?"

"From what I've been told, at least a week," Morgan said, wearily wondering if he could go through another night like the one he had just gone through, much less six more of them.

"You can't do this by yourself, Morgan."

"I brought in a friend to help. He's a doctor."

"That's good," Hotch said, relieved to hear that his two agents weren't' trying to get through this blindly. "Still, you're not a man alone in this. If you need anything, food, a bit of time away from everything, even just someone to talk, just call. We'll do whatever we can."

"I appreciate that. Right now, I think the less of us involved the better off we're going to be."

Hotch nodded. "I'll put the paper work through for the two of you to be out for the next week. You're going to have to use your time to get paid for . . . "

"I know. It's worth it. He's family so whatever I've got to do to get him through this, I'm going to do." In the pause that followed, the sound of someone getting sick floated out to them, from the bedroom. "I've got to go," Morgan said.

Hotch nodded. "I'll bring you by something for dinner tonight."

"Thanks," Morgan replied, feeling grateful for the offer.

As Hotch turned and headed down the hallway, Morgan closed the door, slid the security chain back in place and headed back for the bedroom. It was going to be a long day, just like it had been a long night.

Walking into the bedroom, Morgan saw that Eric was awake now. He was sitting up in the chair, holding the basin as Reid's stomach forced bile and the water that he had drank back up. As Morgan crossed the room, Reid laid back against the pillows, his eyes closed tight. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Morgan reached out and took Reid's hand in his own.

"Who was it?" Reid asked, without opening his eyes.

"Hotch. He wanted to make sure we didn't need anything."

"I don't want them involved in this."

"Kid, we're a family. Even if you keep them all at arm's length, we're all already involved in this."

"I'm sorry," Reid said, his resolve crumbling as he started to cry.

Morgan reached down and gathered his friend in his arms, not sure what else he could do for him right now.

Eric got to his feet. "I'm going to go see what I can find us for breakfast," he told Morgan, more wanting to occupy himself with something outside of the bedroom more than an actual desire for food.


	11. Support System

**_Prompt: Tweety Bird (courtesy of a friend at work)._**

* * *

The cold water on his face did little to refresh him. It did however make him feel a bit more awake, and Morgan figured that was something at least. He cupped his hands underneath the water once again, and then splashed some more water on his face. The federal agent reached for a towel to dry his face, and then grabbing the large plastic bowl with the washcloth still in it, he filled it with the cold water.

Morgan turned off the water and, then turning, headed back out into the bedroom. Reid was in the exact position he had been when he had left him a few minutes earlier. His friend was curled up in the fetal position, his head not even resting on one of the pillows. As a bout of dry heaves overcame him, Reid didn't move from his position.

~_Which only goes to show how exhausted he is_, ~ Morgan thought, crossing to the bed. He placed the bowl of water on the night stand and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Please, make it stop," Reid pleaded quietly.

"I wish I could, Pretty Boy," Morgan said softly, as he grabbed the wash cloth from the water. He wrung out the excess water and then pressed the cool cloth against his friend's forehead. "This is all going to end eventually."

"I just want it to end now," Reid managed to get out, before the words turned into a moan, and his body stiffened up.

Morgan glanced at the time on the alarm clock. Eric had been gone almost two hours now, having left to pick some things up. Right about now, Morgan wished he could will him to come through the front door. He was starting to think that this was a bad idea. That perhaps one of the other methods Eric had suggested would be the better way to go despite Reid's protests.

~_If I go against his wishes though, will I ruin our friendship? ~ _Morgan asked silently, despite Reid's current pleas to him to make things stop.

"I can't do this," Reid said, his voice not much more than a whimper. "Did you throw it all out?"

"Yeah, Kid, I did," Morgan said, the lie slipping out easily in this instance. He could tell Reid's will power was failing and if the younger man knew there was some of the drug in the apartment he might give in. He dipped the cloth in the water again, and wrung it out. "You don't need it. This will all end eventually," Morgan said quietly as he placed the cloth against Reid's face.

Morgan heard the sound of the front door opening and breathed a sigh of relief that Eric was back. It took a few minutes before the doctor entered the room. Morgan spoke before his friend had a chance to say anything.

"Is there anything you can do to ease his pain?" Morgan asked, hating seeing his friend suffering.

"I've got something that should help him some," Eric said, moving toward the side of the bed opposite of Morgan. He knelt down at the bedside. "Spencer, I need you to tell me how you're feeling right now. What hurts?"

"My back, abdomen and legs."

"A certain part of your legs?"

"Mostly the calves."

"Okay," Eric said, getting to his feet.

Without a word of explanation, the doctor left the room. Moments later he was walking back into the room, a couple of heating pads in his hands.

"The wraps I brought back with me are warming in the microwave now," Eric said. "I should have thought of this last night when I came here, though actually helping patients through the detox process is not something I usually do," he said, once again going to the opposite side of the bed from Morgan.

Eric placed the two heating pads on the chair he had been sitting in earlier and sat down on the edge of the bed. Taking the top heating pad, he placed it across Reid's lower back. With Morgan's help, the two coaxed and helped Reid out of the fetal position and onto his back. Eric placed the second heating pad across Reid's abdomen and then went for the other heating wraps he had placed in the microwave to warm up. Returning, the doctor soon had the wraps encircling Reid's lower legs.

"Did you get him to drink any water while I was gone?"

"Yeah, but he only kept it down for a few minutes."

"It's something. Even though he didn't keep it down long, the body would have been able to absorb some of it. We're just going to have to keep pushing the liquids even if he is having trouble keeping it down. I picked up some Gatorade while I was out, we'll try that later too, along with trying to get some Ensure in him."

"What if we can't get enough fluid into him. I know enough to know the body can go without food a lot longer than it can without water, and that dehydration is not a pleasant experience."

"Trust me. I won't let it get that far. If we can't keep him hydrated, we'll move him to the clinic so I can give him IV fluids. Trust me, Derek."

"I don't want to be taken to the clinic, hospital or any place," Reid protested, from where he was laying. He wanted to show more of a protest against the action, but he just felt weak, and the heat on his aching muscles was actually easing the pain.

"Reid, we're just talking possibilities. Don't worry about it. It may not come to it," Morgan told him.

"It's not an option. There would be too many questions. Too many people . . ."

"Spencer, listen to me," Eric said, leaning over the bed and trying to make eye contact with his patient. "I know you're worried about your friends. I know that you don't want them to get into any trouble over this. I understand that and will do my best to protect you all, but I also have to look out for your health. That's the most important thing to me."

"It doesn't matter . . ."

"Don't even finish that, Kid," Morgan said, interrupting Reid before he finished. He could hear the defeat in the younger man's voice, which was bad enough. Morgan knew he couldn't handle hearing him say that it didn't matter what happened to him. That it didn't matter if he died. Morgan reached down and took one of Reid's hands in his own. "It does matter. It matters to us. We almost lost you in Georgia. There is no way we're going to lose you now. You've got to keep fighting. We can get you through this."

"After everything I've done, I don't . . ."

"Forgiveness can be a wonderful thing, and this group we're with knows exactly what that word means. I found that out after that whole mess in Chicago. You were all there for me, despite what you found out about my past. Now, it's our turn to get you through this and what's happened. We'll all move past it, together. You trust me, don't you, Kid?"

"Yes."

"Then trust me when I say Eric and I are going to do what's best for you."

"I just don't . . ."

"Trust me, Kid," Morgan said, cutting off Reid's protests.

* * *

_~Well so much for that_, ~ Morgan thought, as he held the basin once again.

As Reid has been keeping down the water and the Gatorade, Morgan and Eric had coaxed him into drinking some of the Ensure. That hadn't worked, as Reid was now throwing it back up not even ten minutes later.

As the spell passed, Reid laid back down on the bed and once again curled into a ball. As Morgan moved to get up to empty the basin, he found Eric right there.

"I'll dump it. You look like you're about to be sick yourself."

"Thanks," Morgan said, gratefully. He was feeling a bit queasy. Dealing with people throwing up had never been his strong suit.

"Not a problem. After you've been puked on, rinsing out a basin is nothing."

Morgan groaned. "I didn't need elaboration on that," he told him.

As Eric headed for the bathroom, Morgan got to his feet. "I'm going to go warm up those heating pads again, Kid," he told his friend, giving Reid's shoulder a quick squeeze.

* * *

A half hour later, Reid had drifted off into a restless sleep.

"Derek, go lay down on the coach for a while, and try to get some sleep yourself," Eric said as he eased the now cool heating pad out from behind Reid's back.

Morgan shook his head. "I'm fine."

"You're exhausted. I don't think you've slept the whole time I've been here, and I get it. You want to be there for your friend, but he's resting right now. Try getting some rest yourself. I'll be here. If something happens, you're only a room away."

Morgan glanced down at Reid. He wasn't sure what his friend was experiencing but his face was anything but peaceful. The young man tossed his head back and forth every so often, even in his sleep.

"Making yourself sick isn't going to help anyone."

Morgan glanced up at Eric to see him gazing steadily at him. Morgan knew his friend was right and he couldn't deny he was tired.

"Go, before I end up with two patients," Eric told him.

"Okay," Morgan said, getting to his feet.

Leaving the bedroom, Morgan made his way out to the living room. He walked around the couch and laid down, grabbing one of the throw pillows to settle underneath his head. Though he had thought sleep would be elusive, it wasn't long before he was drifting off to sleep.

The next thing Morgan was aware of was a knocking at the door. He glanced at his watch which read five thirty. He didn't think Hotch would be back so close to the time they normally left the office. ~_Well, the time most of us leave the office, ~_ Morgan amended, as their unit chief rarely left the office on time.

Reaching the door, he looked into the peep hole. He sighed when he saw the two familiar faces waiting on the other side of the door. Slowly he opened the door part way, blocking entry to the apartment with his body.

"Hi," he said, looking first at JJ and then Garcia who was standing behind her. "I'm sorry but I can't let you in. He doesn't want visitors right now."

"We know. Hotch told us," Garcia replied. "How are you doing though?"

"I'm fine," Morgan told her.

"I brought your go-bag from the office," JJ said, holding out the black bag that Morgan took on cases with him. "I thought you might need a change of clothes and stuff, and gauging from the fact that you're still in the same clothes you wore to the office yesterday, I'd be right."

Morgan took the bag from her. "Thanks, I appreciate it," he told her sincerely.

"How is he?"

"It's been rough, JJ," Morgan replied, knowing he couldn't lie to her. "It shouldn't have gotten this far. I should have stepped in sooner."

JJ reached out and laid her hand on her teammate's arm. "Hey, we all missed the signs, not just you. Or maybe we were hoping it wasn't what we feared. This isn't your fault."

"She's right, Sugar," Garcia told him. "And you're helping him now. That's the important thing. You'll get him through this and we'll all have our Junior G-man back."

Morgan nodded. "Thanks. I needed that little pep talk."

"Yeah, well any time you need a repeat or either of you needs anything, just call. Anytime."

"I will. As soon as he's up to having visitors, I'll let you all know, too."

The two women nodded. Garcia held out the stuffed animal she was holding to Morgan, the balloons that he had noticed floating above her head moving too.

"Give this to Reid for me. I understand he doesn't want us to see him right now, but I had to let him know I'm thinking about him."

Morgan took the stuffed animal from her. It was a medium-size Tweety Bird, dressed in a leather jacket. Garcia had tied two get well balloons to one foot.

Morgan smiled. "I will, Baby Girl."

"We'll be going now," JJ told him. "Oh, I just to warn you, Prentiss will be stopping by later. She went home to make soup, which according to her is about the only thing she can make well. I think we just all want to feel like we're doing something."

"Well, we both appreciate it," Morgan told her. "I'll stay in touch."

As the two women headed down the hallway, Morgan pushed the door shut. Tweety bird and go-bag in hand, he headed for the bedroom. Eric was sitting in the chair at the bedside and he looked up from the medical journal he was reading as Morgan walked into the room.

"You look a bit better after your nap," Eric said, quietly his eyes following Morgan as he made his way to the bed.

"It helped," Morgan replied. "How's he doing?" he asked, as he placed the stuffed animal Garcia had dropped off on the night stand.

"About the same. He hasn't stayed asleep more than a half hour at a time, I don't know if it's the pain or the nightmares waking him up, maybe a bit of both."

"Nightmares?"

"Nightmares or flashbacks. Something is troubling his sleep. He's said some things in his sleep, and has woken up suddenly a few times. I've been able to calm him down fairly easily, though he won't talk to me about them. Perhaps he'll talk to you. Who was at the door?"

"Some co-workers."

"They drop off a change of clothes for you?" Eric questioned, a nod toward the bag that Morgan held.

"Yeah."

"Then why don't you go shower and change clothes."

"Yes doctor."

"Hey, you called me to help you out and that's what I'm doing. Besides, I'm the one who has got to smell you."

"Next you're going to be telling me to eat something."

"One thing at a time," Eric replied.

As Morgan headed into the bathroom, Eric turned his attention back to the medical journal. A few minutes later, a soft moan beside him caused him to look up again. Though Reid didn't have his eyes open again yet, the doctor knew he was coming around again and it wouldn't be long. Tossing the medical journal aside, he got to his feet to get the heating pads ready again and grab a cold bottle of Gatorade out of the refrigerator. He would do his best to deal with the physical effects of the withdrawal process, and he hoped that Morgan could make some headway with the emotional issues that were tormenting the young man.


	12. Guilt

**AN: Thanks to all my readers and those of you reviewing. Your encouragement is much appreciated. If someone can think of a prompt to send my way for the next chapter, that would be appreciated too.**

Prompt: _The Passenger_ - Deep Space Nine episode title

* * *

Dr. Eric Rollins walked out of the bedroom, leaving Morgan and Reid alone. The latter had been drifting off to sleep again, which given the stress this whole ordeal was putting on his body, was a good thing. The doctor made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water and opened it. Taking a drink of the cold liquid, he headed back to the living room.

As Eric lowered his body onto the couch, he realized how tired he was. Though he had been getting on Derek's case about getting rest, the truth was he hadn't had much more than his friend had, and what he had gotten had come while sitting in the chair. The doctor took another drink of the water, and then twisting the cap back onto it placed it on the floor beside the couch.

Laying down, Eric was soon in a light sleep. Long hours during med school and his residency had taught him to grab sleep whenever he had a chance. A knock at the door woke him up. He sat up on the couch, a glance toward the bedroom. Morgan was nowhere in sight, indicating that he either hadn't heard the knock or did not want to leave Reid's side. Getting to his feet, Eric crossed over the door. A glance through the peep hole showed a raven-haired woman, roughly around his own age.

Not sure if it was a neighbor or co-worker of Spencer's, Eric slid the security chain out of place and opened the door.

"Oh, Hi," the dark-haired women said, upon seeing him. "I may have gotten the wrong address," she told him, glancing toward the black numbers on the door. "Though I'm pretty sure Garcia told me it was apartment 426."

Eric smiled at the sight of the woman's flustered face. "Are you looking for Spencer Reid?" he asked her.

"Ah, yeah. I'm a co-worker of his."

"Then you're at the right apartment," Eric told her. The woman let out a quiet sigh of relief that the doctor just barely heard. "I'm Dr. Eric Rollins. I'm a friend of Derek Morgan," he told her, holding out his right hand.

"Emily Prentiss," she replied, shifting the containers she was holding to a secure position against her body and cradled in her left hand. She reached out and shook Eric's hand.

Before any more words could be exchanged between the two of them, a shout came from inside the apartment.

"NO! HOTCH!"

Both words were drawn out in a yell so full of fear and anguish that Prentiss suddenly felt a chill come over her. The silence that followed the yell was as bad as hearing the words had been. Prentiss' instinct was to rush in and see if she could do anything to help but she held herself back. Reid was already upset with her for other things she had said and Hotch had said it was his request that the rest of them stay away for now. That Reid wasn't up to seeing them.

Eric, seeing the stricken look on the face of the woman before him, was about to explain to her about the nightmares and assure her that Derek was with their co-worker and friend. He opened his mouth but didn't get a chance to speak as another shout came from the direction of the bedroom, this one just as fear filled as the other had been.

"Eric!"

Responding on instinct to the shout, Eric Rollins turned from the door, the woman standing out in the hallway completely forgotten. As he let go of the door, the momentum started pushing it closed. Through the diminishing gap between the door and the door frame, Prentiss watched Eric hurry out of sight. Before the door closed all the way, she stuck out her left foot and stuck it in the gap, keeping the door from closing.

Now standing alone just outside of Reid's apartment, Prentiss stood there unsure of what to do. She couldn't hear any more sounds coming from within the apartment. She debated on whether that was a good thing or not. There may have been no shouted commands but did that mean everything was under control or that there simply wasn't any need for them.

Prentiss stood rooted in the spot as minutes ticked by. She knew she should probably leave as Reid hadn't wanted any of them stopping by. Yet, after hearing his yell and then Morgan's shout for Eric, she just couldn't leave. At least, not until she knew what was going on. Without knowing that Reid was okay. Still, something stopped her from taking those final steps into the apartment.

A hand on her shoulder caused her to jump.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Hotch said, having walked up behind Prentiss.

"It's okay. I just stopped by to drop off some soup and corn muffins," she said, explaining to her supervisor why she was here before he had to ask.

"Then why are you standing in the hallway with the front door part way opened?" Hotch asked, unable to keep his concern out of his voice. He didn't need to be an FBI agent to know that there was something wrong with the situation.

Prentiss explained the situation to him, leaving out the fact that she had heard Reid yell Hotch's name. She wasn't sure what that was about and didn't want to cause her supervisor to ask questions that she couldn't explain.

"I haven't heard anything else since," Prentiss said, finishing her account.

"Let's go in and wait then," he told her, reaching past the female agent to push the door all the way open. There was no way he was leaving until he received an update on Reid, and Hotch had a feeling that Prentiss felt the same way.

Hotch allowed Prentiss to precede him into the apartment. Stepping inside, he pushed the door shut with his free hand. He looked in the direction of the bedroom. He could now hear a murmur of voices coming from within, but couldn't make out what was being said. As much as he wanted to go find out what was going on, he held himself in check. The last thing he wanted to do was to get in the way.

"I see you've brought something here yourself," Hotch commented quietly to Prentiss instead.

"Yeah, I made some soup and bought some corn muffins," she said, glancing down at the containers in her hands. "I wanted to feel like I was doing something."

"I know that feeling," Hotch told her. "Let's take this stuff to the kitchen and put it away for now," he suggested.

Prentiss followed her supervisor through the unfamiliar apartment, having never been there before today. She glanced around. Somehow, the appearance of the apartment didn't surprise her any. The dark-haired agent felt that it suited her shy, awkward, genius teammate very well.

The two profilers put the soup and the meals that Haley had prepared into the refrigerator without any other words passing between them. Prentiss placed the container with the muffins inside on the counter. Her back to the counter, Prentiss leaned against it gazing at the cabinets across from her. There were many things she wanted to say, wanted to ask, but she couldn't seem to actually put voice any of them. It was as if she were to say them out loud it would make everything more real. Finally, she couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"Did we wait too long, sir? I mean I knew something wasn't right back in Texas," Prentiss said, thinking of Reid's words about how she didn't really know him. "I keep thinking that if I had said something to you or Gideon about it then, well that maybe it wouldn't have gotten this far."

Hotch shook his head. "You can't blame yourself. I think we've all known something wasn't right and given what happened, why would it have been? The problem was we were all recovering from Georgia and we missed our chance to head it off. After things started, well, what we could actually do was limited."

"Perhaps if we had tried sooner . . ."

"Gideon did," Hotch told her. "He didn't get anywhere."

He remembered the night that Gideon had stopped by to see him. It was right after they had returned from New Orleans. Hotch could tell the older profiler was upset as soon as he had opened the front door. Gideon had refused to come in, asking Hotch instead to step outside. Gideon had admitted to confronting Reid and said that the encounter hadn't gone well.

"_He's not ready. I may have made things worse."_

"_So what do we do?"_

"_We only have two choices - follow policy and give up on him or continue to wait him out."_

"_I don't like either choice."_

"_Neither do it. I feel like I'm the passenger on a train going through hell."_

"_Imagine how he feels."_

The agreement hadn't been made in words. Both agents knew that no matter what the consequences to themselves, they couldn't go through official channels on this. Knew that Reid would see that as a betrayal and that they would definitely lose him for good. Neither agent was ready to give up on him then. None of them were ready to give up on him now.

~_We just need to make him realize that. Despite everything, the only way we're going to get through this is relying on one another_, ~ Hotch thought.

Footsteps caused both agents to look toward the kitchen doorway to find Dr. Eric Rollins entering the room.

"I thought I heard voices in here," Eric commented.

"How is he?" Prentiss asked, voicing first the question that both of them wanted to ask.

Eric hesitated, his professional training keeping him from readily answering that question. ~_But we're not at the hospital or the clinic. This isn't officially happening and these people are his friends, just like Derek. I wouldn't hesitate to tell Derek something, and he figured if his friend was here now, he wouldn't hold back giving the information to them.~_

"Spencer had a panic attack stemming from a nightmare. Derek and I got him through it, he's stable and is recovering from it. Derek is with him now, still trying to keep him calm. It's the best we can do right now."

Prentiss felt a wave of relief flood over her. After all the worst case scenarios she had gone through in her head, a panic attack didn't seem all that serious.

"Well, I should probably go. I just wanted to drop off the soup and corn muffins I brought over for you all," Prentiss said. Now that she knew Reid wasn't in any immediate danger she felt extremely uncomfortable in his apartment uninvited.

"We all appreciate it," Eric told her as she walked toward him to leave the room. He grabbed her hand as she passed by. He waited for Prentiss to look at him before he continued. "After he gets through this initial stage, Spencer is going to need all of you. I can only do so much for him. After that it's going to be up to his friends."

"We'll be ready," Prentiss said, with much more confidence that she actually felt.

Prentiss left, leaving Eric and Hotch alone in the kitchen. Before either man could say anything, Hotch's phone rang. Taking it out of his jacket pocket, he saw Morgan's name and number on the screen.

~_Apparently, he doesn't know I'm here,~_ Hotch thought as he answered the call. "Hotchner."

"Hey, Hotch. Do you think you could come over here? Reid needs to see you right about now."

"I'm actually out in the kitchen," Hotch replied.

"I'll be right out," Morgan told him.

Hotch was just slipping the cell phone back into his pocket, as Morgan walked into the kitchen. Discreetly, Eric headed back into the living room. This was a conversation that he didn't need to be a part of.

"Morgan, what's going on?" Hotch asked.

"Eric told you about the panic attack?" Morgan asked, not bothering with asking for an explanation for the unit chief's presence. Seeing Hotch's nod of acknowledgment, the dark-skinned agent continued. "It was set off by a nightmare. Apparently, Reid's been suffering from nightmares ever since Georgia, making it hard for him to sleep."

"_Morgan, I need the Dilaudid. It makes the nightmares go away for a time."_

Morgan tried to ignore the memory of his friend saying those pleading words to him. He knew Reid needed to talk things out in order to get a lasting peace from the nightmares but he finally felt as if he understood how his friend had became so dependent on the drug. Remembering his own nightmares that had haunted his sleep, Morgan could remember feeling like he would do anything to be rid of them.

"Right now, the one that seems to be bothering him most is one in which Tobias shoots you. Remember, Reid was forced to pick one of us to die and he reluctantly chose you."

"To give us a clue," Hotch said. "And given the circumstances I can't blame him for making that choice to save his own life. It wasn't like I was in any immediate danger."

"I know that," Morgan said, wondering if Hotch knew about the shot that Tobias had fired into the air after Reid had made his choice. The bullet that would have killed Reid in front of them for a second time, if he hadn't made that choice. Hotch had already left the room, but Morgan didn't know if he had heard it or not. "Apparently Reid feels guilty about making that choice and though he hasn't admitted it, I think he feels like you hold him responsible for that choice. This last nightmare was so vivid to him that he really thought it was real. Thought that Tobias had really shot you. That was what sent him into the panic attack. I'm still having trouble getting him to really believe it was just a nightmare. He needs to see you. Needs to hear you tell him that you don't hold that choice against him."

"Of course," Hotch said, feeling guilty that he hadn't already had that conversation with the younger man.

"_I knew you'd understand."_

Hotch had been too overwhelmed by his own emotions at that point to make a reply to those words. All he had been able to do was hold Reid tight, thankful that they had gotten the team's youngest agent back alive. He had thought that would be enough. Thought Reid knew that he wasn't responsible for making that choice. That there was no blame involved.

~_I should have put it into words, ~ _Hotch thought regrettably, as he and Morgan headed in the direction of the bedroom.


	13. Unecessary Apology

**Prompt: Another Deep Space 9 episode title - **_**Battlelines**_

* * *

Hotch stepped into the bedroom behind Morgan and took stock of the situation. Reid was sitting up in the bed, his back against the head board. The genius was hugging a pillow closely to him, and his knees drawn up close. Hotch couldn't remember ever seeing Reid so pale and though his eyes were open, it was as if he wasn't really seeing anything in the room. The young genius had never looked so vulnerable or lost.

With a lot of restraint, Hotch kept himself from actually acting on his first impulse - which was to rush forward and gather the young man before him in his arms. Hold him close and try to soothe away the hurt like he remembered his mother doing for him when he was a kid. This wasn't about what he wanted though, this was about what Reid needed. Though Hotch had often felt a fatherly affection for his youngest agent, it was something he had never voiced. Something he tried to keep hidden, though as he worked with some of the best profilers in the business, he often wondered if he had been successful.

Hotch remembered his own words to Gideon back in Georgia.

"_You know I always take advantage of Reid for his brain but I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally."_

Once again he was seeing the results of that. Once again he had let Reid try to deal with the emotional things on his own. Given everything that Reid had seen in his twenty-five years, it was no wonder, that it had finally come to this. A person could only take so much, and despite being the youngest Reid had probably had to deal with more than any one person on the team. The teasing from peers growing up, a father who walked out on him, a mother with schizophrenia, co-workers who had resented him getting the position with the team at such a young age, the horrors that came with the job, and then being held captive and tortured for over two days. To make matters worse, his eidetic memory didn't allow for those things to fade away into the past.

~_If anyone ever had an excuse to turn to drugs, it's Reid, _~ Hotch thought as he moved past Morgan and sat down on the side of the bed, the bright splash of yellow from the stuffed Tweety on the night stand seeming out of place and letting Hotch know that Garcia had reached out to him in her own unique way.

Reid didn't make any movement, and the elder agent wondered if the young man had even noticed his entrance.

"Hey, Reid," Hotch said quietly and calmly, as he reached out a hand to touch Reid's forearm. The younger man flinched noticeably at the touch but did look in the older agent's direction.

Hotch wasn't sure what to say. Asking how he was doing seemed like such a stupid question. It was clear his subordinate wasn't doing well. The exhaustion, pain and fear were all very evident by just looking at him.

"Hotch?" Reid asked tentatively, his eyes finally focusing. "I saw Raphael shoot you."

The statement was so quiet, yet held so much conviction that it tore at Hotch's heart. It was clear in those few words that the nightmares seemed real for the younger man.

"It was a bad dream."

"It seemed so real."

"Well, it couldn't be, now could it? I'm right here and I'm absolutely fine," Hotch told him.

"I never should have chosen anyone. I shouldn't have let Raphael control me like that. It wasn't fair to put anyone else in danger but I didn't want to die. Not then. Not like that," Reid said, his voice wavering with emotion. "I'm so weak. I'm sorry."

"You've got nothing to be sorry about. You did what you needed to do to survive. I'm not going to hold that against you. No one would and nobody else was in danger. Reid, you gave us the clue we needed to find you. A weak person wouldn't have been able to do that."

Reid didn't respond as tears started to fall down his face and he hugged the pillow he was holding closer to himself, sinking his chin down into it, taking his gaze away from Hotch. Moving closer to the head of the bed, and the distraught young man, Hotch reached out to pull Reid into a hug. The genius resisted the gesture at first, keeping his body rigid and his knees drawn up close to him.

"Spencer, I'm proud of how you handled the situation. You kept your head about you in a situation that most people would have just given up in. We found you because you gave us the clues we needed," Hotch said softly, attempting to get the younger man to relax.

"I know you would never put yourself ahead of the team."

"I know. I don't hold you responsible for anything you said during the time that Hankle held you captive. You did what you needed to do to survive," Hotch told him, both hands now on Reid's shoulders, wanting to hug the young man tight but afraid to push too much. He wanted to be a comfort to the younger man, not break him further.

"I cost two people their lives and endangered yours," Reid replied.

"No, you didn't. You are not responsible for those deaths. There was nothing you could have done to stop Hankle. He killed those people, not you, and I was never in any danger."

"I want to believe that," Reid said, tears still streaming down his face.

"I'll repeat it as many times as I have to until you do believe it," Hotch told him. "You need to try to relax, Spencer. This isn't good for you and you're safe."

"I don't want to be alone."

"We're not going to leave you alone."

"I've felt so alone."

"I'm sorry that we made you feel like that."

"It's not your fault. I kept pushing you all away."

"We shouldn't have let you do that. We're not going to let you do so now, no matter what you do. Please, stop resisting us, Spencer. It's not showing weakness to seek comfort from people who care about you. It's human nature. Don't fight it."

Hotch's words finally broke through to him, causing Reid's resistance to crumble. Uncurling himself from the ball he was in, Reid suddenly fell into Hotch's embrace, resting his head on the older man's shoulders. Hotch wrapped his arms around Reid's smaller frame, holding him tight, the pillow crushed in between them.

Standing just inside the doorway, Morgan watched the scene in silence, hoping that Hotch's words were really getting through to their co-worker. That knowing that Hotch didn't hold him responsible would allow for Reid to start forgiving himself. The younger man had his eyes closed, but tears still ran steadily down his cheeks, stabbing at Morgan's heart. He hated seeing his friend in so much pain, and would do anything he could to alleviate it.

After a few moments of silence, Reid's voice finally broke it. The words were so soft that Morgan couldn't make them out from where he was standing. Still holding him tight, Hotch was able to though and it didn't take Hotch long to realize that the younger man was recounting his dream. He was telling it in such vivid detail that had Hotch not known better, he would have thought it was a true account.

~_And if I feel that way, I can only imagine how real it seemed to him, _~ Hotch thought, as he listened to Reid's narrative. As much as hearing it bothered him though, the older agent did nothing to stop him. He knew Reid needed to get this out. Needed to share the nightmare so that he could move past it and start the healing process.

"There was blood everywhere and I knew you were dead," Reid said quietly, ending the tale.

"It was just a bad dream, Spencer. I'm right here and I'm very much alive," Hotch told the younger man softly.

"It seemed so real," Reid whispered.

"No what's real are my arms around you," Hotch told him quietly. "Focus on that. Let the nightmare go."

The two fell silent. As Reid didn't make any attempt to pull away, Hotch kept his arms around him, holding him as tightly as he dared. They knew where the battlelines were drawn now, but Hotch knew there was still a long fight ahead of them. A fight that they couldn't let Reid fight on his own no matter how much he attempted to do just that.

Suddenly, Hotch felt Reid go rigid in his arms, and he clung more desperately to him.

"Spencer, what is it?" Hotch asked, trying to sound calm despite the panic he felt.

"It hurts."

"What does?"

"My chest. It feels tight."

"Okay, just try staying calm. Slow easy breaths," Hotch said, even as he heard Morgan's retreating footsteps, and knew he was going for Eric. He felt Reid's fingers as the younger man clenched his shirt, as if he was drowning and was trying to keep himself above water. "It's going to be okay, Spencer," he said soothingly, as his hand started making circular motions on the younger man's back.

"Don't let go," Reid pleaded.

"I won't. I got you," Hotch told him, even as Eric hurried into the room, sitting on the bed opposite of Hotch.

* * *

Morgan and Hotch watched on silently as Eric took Reid's blood pressure again. Reid didn't stir from the sleep bought on by the mild sedative Eric had given him a half hour ago, when the genius' blood pressure and heartrate had been elevated too much for the doctor's liking.

"It's come down some in the last half hour," the doctor said, as he removed the ear pieces of the stethoscope from his ears. "The pulse is at a more reasonable rate, too."

"How long will the sedative last?" Hotch asked.

"Normally, two to three hours, however given what he's been through he may be out longer than that."

Hotch nodded and looked up at Morgan. "Why don't you go try to get some rest yourself," Hotch suggested, though both men knew it was more than just a suggestion.

Morgan shook his head. "Someone should be here when he wakes up."

"I agree and I will be."

"Shouldn't you head home?"

Hotch shook his head. "Given Reid's nightmare, I'm not leaving until he's awake and I can make sure he is aware of me leaving. I was here when he went to sleep, and waking up without me here might only alarm him again. Go get some rest. You look like you could use it."

Morgan nodded reluctantly. As much as he hated leaving, he knew Hotch was right. Turning, Morgan left the bedroom, leaving Hotch and Eric to continue the vigil.


	14. Progress

**Prompt: Mr. Bubbles**

**AN: Not sure if the prompt was meant as a joke or a serious suggestion, but I ran with it anyway. Thanks to Rayne McKenna for providing it! Hope you all enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

~_Three days_, ~ Morgan thought wearily, as he pulled the sheets off the bed. Though not past the withdrawal stage yet, the symptoms weren't as intense anymore. Morgan was starting to think that he could see the light at the end of the tunnel. That this whole ordeal might actually come to a conclusion. Not that he didn't want to be here for Reid. The kid was his friend, and he would do anything for him. ~_No, he's a brother, ~ _Morgan corrected himself, ~_and even when we get through this first stage, he's going to have a long road ahead of him. A long road that I plan on being there for every step of the way. I'm just tired and sick of these walls_, ~ Morgan thought, tossing the dirty sheets into a corner for the time being and picking up the clean fitted sheet.

Walking past the bathroom, Morgan knocked on the door, quickly receiving an "I'm fine," from Reid. The younger man was feeling better today relatively speaking, despite the fact that he didn't look any better to Morgan. Well enough to want to take a warm bath and though he had insisted he could do so alone, Morgan had made him promise not to lock the door. Morgan had also coaxed his friend into drinking some ensure and eating some soup, though he didn't really have an appetite. Morgan was just relieved that he had been able to keep it down so far.

Eric had left to spend some time with his family, the doctor having not left the apartment since his shopping trip the first day here. With someone on the team dropping by each day, always bringing food and whatever else they needed. There had been no other need for them to leave the apartment. Though Morgan had urged his friend to leave to spend time with his wife and kid, the doctor had steadfastly refused, which had only increased Morgan's worry. If Eric wouldn't leave, that meant he was worried, and that didn't sit well with Morgan especially not after the night following Reid's conversation with Hotch.

Morgan had thought the first night had been bad, but the second night had been worse. Hotch had woken him up before he had left for home, having spoken with Reid once more. Morgan had then headed for the bedroom. Despite his weariness, Eric had refused to go try getting some sleep himself, still worried about Reid's elevated heart rate and blood pressure. Even under sedation they had remained elevated. The fever later in the night had only increased concerns. The sun had been rising when Eric had finally felt comfortable enough to leave his patient's side and get some sleep on the couch.

Last night had been better, all three of them able to get some much needed sleep, albeit most of his own had come sitting in a chair with his feet propped up on the bed. Still, compared to the first couple of nights, it had gone better, disturbed only by a few nightmares that Morgan was able to coax Reid into talking about. As hard as it was for him to talk about them now, Morgan knew it would help Reid in the long run to do just that.

Morgan had noted how relieved Eric had seemed this morning when Reid's vitals had been close to normal. Reid was complaining of only aching and a general feeling of malaise, but the cramps and other withdrawal symptoms had apparently gone away, for the time being at least. Morgan had insisted that Eric leave for a while, knowing his friend was missing his family as much as they would be missing him.

As Morgan finished making the bed, he heard the bathroom door open behind him. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Reid coming out, looking very tired. Walking over to him, Morgan wordlessly slipped an arm around his waist, helping to support him. The fact that Reid didn't protest the action, told Morgan the younger man was feeling just as tired as he looked.

"Did the warm bath help any?" Morgan asked as he eased Reid down to the bed.

"A little," Reid replied, as he laid down on the bed. He immediately rolled over to his side and curled up.

"Can I get you anything?" Morgan asked, sitting on the side of the bed, and resting a hand on Reid's shoulder.

Reid shook his head in reply. Morgan sat there silently for a couple of minutes and then started to get to his feet.

"Don't leave," Reid said, his voice a soft desperate plea.

Morgan immediately settled back down on the edge of the bed, and rested his hand on the younger man's shoulder again.

"Okay. I'm right here," Morgan told him. He tried to catch Reid's gaze but the younger man was hiding his face with hands. Unsure of what to say, Morgan sat there quietly, wondering what he could do. This wasn't an outward threat that he could shield his friend from and right about now he would give anything to make everything okay for Reid.

~_Should I try to make him talk? ~ _Morgan asked himself. ~_Talk about what, though? What went on down in Georgia or what's been going on since then? What is tormenting him more? Is he even ready to face either? ~_

Faced with questions and no answers, Morgan did something that he hardly ever did - nothing.

"I know this isn't fair to you, but I need you here, Morgan," Reid finally said, breaking the silence.

"Then I'm going to be right here, Reid."

"If you weren't here, I don't think I could stop myself from using it again. I just want this jumble inside of my head to go away and the Dialaudid did that, at least for a time. I'm not strong enough to keep away from it if I were alone."

"You're not alone, Kid. I'm right here."

"For how long?"

"As long as you need me," Morgan told him, giving the shoulder his hand was still resting on a squeeze. "You know Reid, talking about whatever is going through your head will help."

"Not now," Reid said, the two words coming out in a gasp. His voice was shaky as he continued. "Please don't make me . . ."

"Shhh, I'm not going to make you do anything you're not ready for," Morgan told him, stopping the protest. "Just know that any time you want to talk, no matter what time of day it is, I'm here."

Though his arms still blocked his face, Morgan could see the nod that Reid gave in reply. They went back to sitting in silence, Morgan watching the steady fall and rise of his friend's chest, which was the only movement. The older man wasn't sure how much time had passed when Reid suddenly sat up, moving himself to the side of the bed.

"I need out of here."

"Reid, what is it?" Morgan asked, concerned. He got quickly to his feet, looking down at the younger man.

"I can't stay here any longer," Reid said. "I need to get away from here for a bit." He paused long enough to look up at Morgan, who couldn't help but compare the look in the brown eyes to that of an animal that felt trapped. "Morgan take me somewhere else."

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care. Even if we just drive around for a bit, I need out of here," Reid said desperately.

Morgan nodded, and reached down to grasp Reid's upper arm, helping the younger man to his feet. Remembering his own feelings of wanting to get out of the apartment, Morgan could understand how he felt. He just hoped this wasn't too much for Reid to handle.

* * *

An hour later, Spencer Reid sat on a park bench, enjoying the brightness of the sun shining down, though he sat in the shade. The cool breeze on his skin felt soothing, just as the warmth of the sun as he and Morgan had walked from the car to this bench had been a good feeling. After the last few days, Reid was just relieved to be feeling anything other than the pain, fear, guilt and despair that had become his constant companions over the last few months.

Not far away, Morgan stood in the sun on the parks grass. Holding the blue plastic wand in his hand, the older man blew bubbles into the air. Bubbles that caught in the breeze and floated away. Reid wished those bubbles would take his problems away with them.

~_But it just isn't that simple, ~ _he thought.

Placing the wand back in the Mr. Bubbles bottle, Morgan looked back toward the bench where he had left Reid sitting, to find the younger man watching him. Walking back to the bench, he sat down next Reid.

"Here, you take a turn," Morgan said, holding the bottle of bubble solution out to the younger man. Reid shook his head. Taking the wand out of the solution, Morgan gently blew a few bubbles in his friend's direction.

"Stop it," Reid said softly, batting at the bubbles with a hand. Morgan didn't miss the small smile that came to the younger man's lips as he said the two words though. "Just where did you get those anyway?" Reid asked, as Morgan put the wand back in the bottle.

"Garcia. She gave them to me about a week ago. Told me I needed to lighten up a bit and enjoy one of life's simple pleasures. Figured it wouldn't hurt to give it a try."

"Is it helping?"

"I managed to get a small smile out of you, so yeah it's helping," Morgan replied.

Reid looked away from Morgan then. Glancing around the park he watched the others enjoying the warm sunny afternoon. From kids playing to athletes working out, to mothers walking by pushing strollers. Every so often, he would catch somebody looking in his direction and see the look of pity on their faces.

"I had hoped that getting out of the apartment would let me escape it for a bit but it's not helping. They know."

"Who knows?" Morgan asked, not following the change in the conversations.

"The other people here in the park. I can see it when they look at me. They know what I am. Know that I'm an addict."

"No Reid, they don't know that much," Morgan said, reaching out to place a hand on Reid's forearm. "They're reacting to what they see. You don't look well, Reid, even more so after the last few days. They think you're ill and they're right. Addiction is an illness, one that we're going to get you through."

"There doesn't seem to be an end," Reid replied, shaking his head and looking down at the grass in front of him.

"There is. You'll find it. Just give it time."

"There's too much time. Handcuffed and restrained in that chair, I was all too aware at the passing time. Seconds ticking along into minutes and minutes into hours. Time seemed to move slowly, especially when Charles Hankle . . ."

Reid's voice faltered. Morgan gently squeezed his friend's arm.

"Keep going, Reid. Get it out," Morgan coaxed quietly. "It'll help in the long run."

"Charles Hankle wanted me to confess my sin. He believed that physical punishment was the way to elicit that confession, from me and from his son. Every blow he struck to my bare foot made me think about what Tobias must have gone through growing up and then the pain would block any rational thought out. I just heard Hankle's voice telling me to confess my sin. My own desperate voice telling him I wasn't a sinner, until finally I realized I was. I committed one of the worse sins there is. I sent her away."

"Sent who away, Reid?"

"My mother. She needed my help and I sent her away. Locked her away at Bennington so that I wouldn't have to deal with her."

"Reid, you know that isn't true."

"Yes it is. She's at Bennington because I committed her. I turned my back on her."

Morgan sighed. "Look, Reid, I can't imagine how hard a decision that was for you to make but you never turned your back on her. You were getting her the help that she needed, that you couldn't provide."

"I sent her away."

"Reid, I've seen you with your mother. I've seen the love that you have for her. You brought her out here when you thought she was in danger. Took the time to fly back out to Vegas with her. Know that you call the sanitarium every week to check up on her."

"How?" Reid said, looking over at him.

"They called yesterday and I talked to them. Seems they were worried that you missed your weekly check in."

"What did you tell them?"

"That you were feeling a bit under the weather but it was nothing serious. I knew you wouldn't want to worry her."

Reid let out a sigh and sank back against the bench.

"Those aren't actions of a son who has turned his back on his mother. They're the actions of a son who loves his mother enough to get her the help that she needs, despite the pain it causes himself. You may not be sin free, Reid, but sending your mother away isn't a sin you're guilty of."

Reid felt himself nodding. Clinging to Morgan's words because he wanted them to be true more than that he really believed them yet.

"Morgan, how can I get rid of these memories? I just want them to go away. To be able to go on with my life and not have them haunting me."

"You can't get rid of the memories, Reid. I wish I could tell you otherwise. As for getting past them haunting you, the best thing you can do is make new memories. Happy memories that can help the terrible ones fade into the past."

"I don't think I know how to make happy memories at this point. All I seem to remember is causing pain to those around me. Hitting you. Snapping at Prentiss. Making JJ cry."

"Reid close your eyes," Morgan said. Reid looked at him with questions in his eyes. "Trust me," Morgan said softly. He waited for Reid to do as he had been told. "Okay, now take a deep breath and let it out slowly."

Morgan paused as Reid followed his instructions. "Now open your eyes, and look around you. Look at what a beautiful day it is. Take in the people enjoying themselves. Taking pleasure in Garcia's simple pleasures," he said. He removed the plastic wand from the bottle of bubbles, and held it out to Reid. "Now take this and blow some bubbles."

"I don't want . . ."

"Come on. For me," Morgan coaxed.

Slowly, Reid took the plastic wand from Morgan. Holding it in front of his lips, Reid pursed his lips and blew gently. Several bubbles formed and blew away in the gentle wind that was still blowing. Reid watched them drift away into the air, a representation of the carefree innocence of childhood. As children's laughter reached his ear, Reid couldn't stop the small smile that turned up the corners of his mouth slightly.

"There you go. You just made a happy memory. Hold on to it and when those other feelings start to overwhelm you, remember how you're feeling right now."

Reid didn't speak, afraid of shattering the easy feeling that had come over him right then. Instead, he nodded in reply. It might have been a small step, but it was a step out of the darkness.

* * *

As he drove the SUV back toward Reid's apartment building, Morgan kept stealing quick glances at Reid in the passenger seat. The simple outing to the park had worn Reid, who had been exhausted to begin with, out even further. He sat limply in the passenger seat, his head resting against the window. Morgan could see that the younger man's eyes were opened, but wondered if he was really seeing the scenery that was going by.

Returning his attention to the road, Morgan continued the drive. It wasn't until he heard a gasp from his passenger that he glanced in Reid's direction again.

Reid now wore a panicked expression. His eyes were locked on something outside of the vehicle. His breaths came in gasps as Morgan recognized the symptoms of another panic attack. The dark-skinned profiler quickly pulled the car over to the side of the road. Putting the vehicle into park, he climbed from the SUV, ignoring the honks of a passing motorist. Making his way around the vehicle he pulled open the passengers' door. Morgan realized immediately that Reid wasn't aware of his presence. His eyes were focused on something behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, all Morgan, saw was the cemetery they had been passing.

Confused, he turned his attention back to Reid. "Reid, can you hear me?" Morgan asked, placing one hand on his shoulder and the other hand against the side of his cheek. Reid gave no indication that he was aware of Morgan's presence. "Reid, focus on my voice," he continued, as Reid's gasps for air continued. Moving in front of him, he blocked the view of the cemetery from the younger man. "Come on, Pretty Boy, snap out of it," Morgan said, tapping the side of Reid's face lightly.

"I'm not strong enough," Reid said, through gasps for air.

"Reid, focus on my voice. My voice is what's real."

"Morgan?"

The single word was barely understandable but it was enough to let the older man know he was getting through to Reid.

"That's right. I'm right here. Focus on my voice. Take a deep slow breath," Morgan told him, placing his second hand on Reid's other shoulder, looking for any signs of recognition in the younger man's gaze.

Suddenly, the young man before him dissolved into tears. His breaths coming in erratic broken sobs. Morgan put his arms around him, and held him close, the seatbelt awkwardly between them. Reid was limp in his arms, making no attempt to even hold on to Morgan.

"Easy Reid," Morgan said soothingly, wondering what was going on. Wondering what nightmare Reid had just been reliving. "Take it easy. I've got you," he said, knowing that he needed to keep talking. Needed to give Reid something to anchor him in reality now that he had gotten through to him. Wanting answers, but knowing his first priority was getting Reid to calm down and past the panic attack that had come over him.


	15. Letting Someone Else Near

_AN: After an annoying bout of writer's block, I was finally able to finish this chapter. Thanks to Rayne McKenna for supplying the prompt for this chapter. She gave me a few and this wasn't the original one I was going for with this chapter but as I was struggling with it, I decided to end it sooner than I had planned and this prompt just sort of sneaked it's way in. Plan on the original prompt being in the next chapter. Hope you all enjoy!_

**_Prompt: The Wizard of Oz_**

* * *

Seeing that Reid was sleeping peacefully for the moment, Morgan got up and left the room. The younger man had been completely spent when they had gotten back from their trip to the park. Morgan had a feeling that the combination of not getting enough rest the last few days, the withdrawal symptoms, the outing and the panic attack had totally exhausted him. Now, Morgan hoped that the nightmares would stay away and let Reid get the sleep that he desperately needed. The thought of calling Eric had crossed his mind, but he had held himself back from calling his friend. Reid seemed stable right now, just exhausted, and Eric had said he would be back tonight. Morgan had convinced himself that there was no need to call the doctor away from his family just yet.

Morgan collapsed onto the couch. Resting his head against the back, he only intended to rest his eyes for a few minutes, wanting to be awake in case the nightmares disturbed Reid's sleep. Before he knew it, he was hearing a knock on the front door. From the stiffness in his neck Morgan had a feeling he had been asleep for a while. A glance at his watch told him he had been out for about two hours.

Getting to his feet, he headed for the front door. A quick glance out the peep hole showed the colorful face of one Penelope Garcia.

"Hey, Baby Girl. Aren't you sight for sore eyes," Morgan told her, as he opened the door.

"Hey, back to you," Garcia said, trying hard to sound cheerful and not really accomplishing it. "I brought some cookies. I would have brought real food but I just left the office."

"That's okay. There's enough food in that refrigerator to last us a couple days yet," Morgan told her accepting the tin of cookies the blonde tech held out to him.

Garcia smiled at that. Em, JJ and herself had been stopping by with food quite often the last couple of days. "It makes us feel like we're doing something," she said, though it was an unneeded explanation.

Morgan nodded. He knew that having to stay away was hard on their co-workers.

~_Hell, I'm here and I still feel frustrated at my limitations of what I can do to really help Reid, _~ Morgan thought to himself as he said something else out loud. "It's past seven o'clock. What were you still doing at the office?"

"The team's on a case. Hotch just finally called it a night which meant that I just finally got to leave the office."

"What's going on?" Morgan asked, a pang of guilt at not being with them going through him, even as he stepped aside to let Garcia take a step into the apartment.

"Several truck drivers have disappeared from truck stops along highway 40 in Eastern Tennessee. Both state police and the Knoxville field office have hit a dead end and asked for . . . "

"What is it?" Morgan asked as Garcia trailed off.

"I wasn't supposed to say anything to you. Hotch didn't want you worrying about them and feeling guilty about not being there when you're here."

"Well, it's too late for that," Morgan told her, at the same time he admitted to himself that his unit chief "So you better tell me what you know because I'll get answers one way or the other."

"What about, Reid? Hotch said he didn't really want us here . . ."

"I think he's still sleeping," Morgan told her, realizing that he should probably step into the bedroom and check on the younger agent. "I don't think he'll mind if you hang around to keep me company for a while."

"If you're sure," Garcia said hesitantly, her eyes darting around the apartment. "I don't want to upset him."

"Relax, Baby Girl. Have a seat," he told her, gesturing to the couch as he closed the door. "Just give me a minute and I'll join you."

Garcia nodded and walked slowly toward the couch. Morgan headed for the partially closed door of the bedroom. Pushing the door open, he saw that Reid was indeed still asleep. The younger man tossed his head restlessly in his slumber, which concerned him. ~_What's going on inside that head of yours? _~ Morgan asked himself as he crossed over to the bed.

Reaching down, Morgan placed his hand gently pushed the hair that had fallen across the younger man's face back out of the way before letting his hand rest on Reid's forehead, the pale skin feeling warm to his skin. At the touch, the younger man calmed. Morgan stood there for a few minutes, before withdrawing his hand. Reid remained asleep, and the older agent decided that it wasn't worth waking him up to check if he was really running a slight fever or not. He knew they still had quite a few hours left before the withdrawal symptoms would be completely behind them. Sleep was probably the only relief from the hell Reid was living in right now, and with the nightmares, even that wasn't a sanctuary at times.

Satisfied that his friend was going to stay asleep, Morgan made his way back out to the living room. Garcia was sitting nervously on the couch, her weight on the edge of the cushion she had sat down on. Morgan got them both a drink and returned, sitting down beside her. After coaxing the blonde tech to relax a bit, he soon was getting details about the case the rest of his team was on.

A half-hour later, Garcia had brought him up to date on the case, which hadn't had much development in the course of the day. As Garcia got her feet with both glasses in hand and headed for the kitchen, Morgan got to his feet. Walking around the couch, he headed back to the bedroom to check in on Reid again.

This time, Morgan found Reid awake. The younger man was sitting cross-legged on the bed. He was hugging a pillow that he was leaning over, his head resting on the soft object. Morgan couldn't see his friend's face as he walked into the room. Reaching the bed, he sat down behind Reid.

"How are you feeling?" Morgan asked, resting a hand on Reid's back.

"The cramps are back."

"You should have called for me."

"Who's out there?" Reid asked instead of actually replying to what Morgan was saying.

"Garcia. She stopped by on her way home from work and we started talking. Don't worry, no one is going to force you to see anyone if you're not up for it, though she really does want to see you, Reid."

"I don't know why."

"Because you're her friend and she wants to show her support during all of this, just like I'm doing and just like Hotch. The whole team wants to help you through this, Reid. You've just got to let us."

"I don't deserve their support. Not after what I've done. Not after the way I've treated them. I think Garcia might be the only one I haven't snapped at."

"We all know it wasn't really you during those times."

"It's no excuse. I'm so ashamed of what I did."

"I know what's that like, Kid, feeling ashamed of something that you've done in the past. Wanting to hide it from everyone and not have to face it. Do you think I wanted any of you to know about what happened with Buford or that sealed record but you know, in the long run, it's a weight off my shoulders now that it has happened. The team knows my secret now and no one turned away from me just like none of us are going to turn away from you. You've made some bad decisions but you're still our friend."

"I don't deserve friends like you," Reid said, the words getting muffled as he buried his head in the pillow.

"Whether you do or not, you're stuck with us," Morgan told him.

"I wish I could just tap my heels together three times and the last few months would have never happened," Reid said, his head still buried in the pillow.

"Just like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz when she wanted to go home, huh Kid. Give Garcia a little bit of time and she might be able to find some ruby red slippers that would fit you."

The comment elicited a small laugh from Reid that ended in a groan of pain as his abdominal muscles contracted sharply.

"I'm going to go warm the heating pad up," Morgan said, starting to stand up.

"Don't leave me alone," Reid pleaded softly.

"I'll just be a few minutes. I'm not sitting here watching you suffer without trying to do something to ease the pain."

"It's not that bad," Reid said, the tone of his voice saying otherwise.

"You're not fooling me, Kid," Morgan told him, now standing beside Reid. "Garcia could come in and sit with you," he suggested, knowing that it would do them both some good to see each other.

"She shouldn't have to see me like this."

"You do realize you're hurting them by trying to protect them this way?"

Morgan's words caused Reid to move his head on the pillow so that he was able to look up at the older man. Morgan could read the question in his eyes.

"Being kept away and not able to show their support is much worse then being able to help you through this. I know. As hard as these last few days have been on me, and I have no doubt they've been worse for you, if I hadn't been here and I knew you were going through this, I would be driving myself crazy."

"I can't seem to do anything right. No wonder everybody leaves me," Reid said quietly, burying his head in the pillow once again.

Morgan knelt down beside the bed. "No one is leaving you, Kid," he said quietly slipping an arm around the younger man's shoulders. "Can I have Garcia get the heating pad for me? I'll have to call her in here if you don't want me to leave though. Can I do that?"

Reid gave a slight nod, without lifting his head.

"Hey, Garcia," Morgan called, even as he moved to sit on the bed behind Reid. Not able to do much else, he subconsciously started rubbing the younger man's back, his hand making circular motions.

"Yeah?" Garcia asked tentatively, as she peeked her head around the corner. Morgan saw the look of surprise, and sympathy that crossed the analyst's face.

"I need you to do something for me?"

"Anything."

Morgan told her where to find the heating pad and the instructions to heat it. With a nod, Garcia left the doorway to carry out the task. It wasn't long before she was returning, the heating pad wrapped in a towel, held in her hands. She approached the bed and handed it to Morgan.

Though Morgan tried to coax Reid to lie back, the younger man refused to do so. He stayed sitting up, the pillow hugged tightly to him, as if he needed something to hold onto to. Morgan finally settled for positioning the heating pad between the pillow and Reid's body.

Garcia had stood quietly nearby, watching everything as it unfolded. She wasn't sure if she was still wanted in the room, but as no one told she to go, she hovered, her heart suffering as she watched the silent suffering of her friend. As Morgan slid the heating pad into place though, Garcia finally got the courage to move. Walking to the other side of the bed, the blonde tech crawled onto the bed until she was sitting next to Reid. Slowly, she reached out and put her arms around the small frame of her friend. She felt him stiffen beneath her gentle touch, but she didn't pull away. Instead, she reached out and started gently stroking her hand through his hair, speaking soft words of comfort to him.


	16. Another Apology

**AN: Thanks to Rayne McKenna for yet another prompt for this chapter. Sorry about the long wait for an update!**

**Prompt:_ Edgar Allan Poe - I had a lot of fun with this prompt as you will see._**

* * *

Coming out of the obliviousness of sleep, Morgan opened his eyes and looked around. His surroundings were not the familiar ones that he normally woke up to but were familiar. Opening his eyes further, and shaking off sleep, Morgan sat up. It wasn't long before he realized where he was and why he was here.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Morgan headed toward the bedroom door, his sock-covered feet making no sound on the hardwood floor. Reaching the doorway, he paused his gaze falling on the lone figure sitting on the couch. He let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. He'd had a hard time falling asleep a few hours ago, worried that as soon as he fell asleep Reid, though finally past the withdrawal process after six days, would leave. As Eric had warned him many times, getting Reid off the drugs was only the tip of the iceberg. Keeping him from going back to them was going to be the longtime battle. Still, keeping an eye on him twenty-four hours a day was impossible and when he had started dozing off while he and Reid had watched TV, his friend had suggested he get some sleep. Morgan hadn't been able to logically argue with that suggestion and had headed for the bedroom.

As tired as he was though, having been up most of the night with Reid as the nightmares had made sleep almost impossible for his friend, the need for sleep had finally won out. Still, seeing Reid on the couch where he had left him was a relief.

"Yes, I'm still here," Reid said, without looking back at Morgan. "I didn't go anywhere. You're welcome to look for fresh track marks if you want."

~_Don't let him get to you_, ~ Morgan told himself. ~_He may be past withdrawal but he's still not himself. He's still overtired and that's bound to make him cranky. The nightmares have only gotten worse and he still needs to heal emotionally from what was done to him._~

Eric had warned him that the nightmares and insomnia probably wouldn't go away for a while as they were rooted in the emotional trauma Reid had suffered in Georgia. He had speculated that if not the cause of the drug addiction that they had definitely fueled it.

"_Give it a couple of days, and let's see how he does. If getting sleep is still an issue at that point, I'll give him something to help him sleep," Eric had told him the day before as he had gathered his stuff to go home. "I'll stop by daily for the next week or so to check on him, longer if necessary. The best thing you and your friends can do for him right now is just be supportive. Even if he doesn't want someone around, he shouldn't be alone for a while, as that's only going to make the desire to go back to the drugs that easier to resist. His appetite probably won't be there for a few days, so coaxing him to eat is going to be necessary. His body has been through hell the past six days and it needs proper nutrition and rest to recover."_

"_What about him going back to work?"_

"_Not for a few days yet. He needs to regain his physical strength first. Like I told him, I'll let you know when I think he's physically ready to go back but only he can decide when he's mentally and emotionally ready."_

"I don't think that is necessary," Morgan replied casually, walking slowly into the living room and around the couch.

Morgan noted that Reid had a book open in his lap, his feet propped up on the coffee table. He had on one black sock and one tan argyle sock with a black and grey diamond pattern. A bottle of water, about a quarter of the way empty, was sitting nearby.

"What are you reading?" Morgan asked, as he sat down on the couch next to Reid.

Reid flipped the cover over so that Morgan could read the title - The Collected Works of Edgar Allan Poe.

"Shouldn't you be reading something more, I don't know, upbeat?" Morgan asked.

Reid shrugged. "It was what I was in the mood to read. Besides, I think that the poem "The Raven" contains a very good motto for an addict to live by."

"Oh?"

"Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore'," Reid said lightly.

Morgan smiled. "Yeah. I can see your point there," he replied. "Did you eat anything while I caught up on my beauty sleep?" he asked, as the only thing he had seen the younger man eat all morning was the two slices of toast that morning.

"Have you ever read 'The Raven'?" Reid asked, instead of answering Morgan's question.

Reid's avoidance of the question told Morgan what he needed to know. He hadn't eaten anything. "No, I haven't," Morgan replied, answering the question posed to him. "Why don't I go make us something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat something."

At the words, Reid suddenly closed the book and threw it in the direction of the wall. The book didn't reach the wall, falling to the ground, its pages falling open to a random page. Reid took his feet from the coffee table, and sitting up, leaned forward. He rested his elbows on his legs and hid his face in his hands, blocking his face from Morgan's view.

The action took Morgan by surprise. He wasn't sure what he should do. Giving Reid the support he needed without smothering him or making him resentful was going to be a fine line to walk. Morgan felt as though he was balancing on that line right now. Getting to his feet, Morgan walked over to the book.

"I'm sorry," Reid said, as Morgan bent down to pick up the book. "I know you're trying to help but as much I want your help, I also feel ashamed at needing it. At showing weakness just like when I turned to the drugs. I feel like there is a war raging on inside of me that I don't understand."

Morgan straightened up from retrieving the book and looked in Reid's direction. Reid was looking up at him now, his face a mixture of fear, confusion and shame. ~_Patience_, ~ Morgan reminded himself, as he tried to figure out what he should do. ~_There are going to be times I need to push and do what I know needs to be done for his physical well-being and times that I'm going to have to let that go for the sake of his emotional well-being. Which time is it? ~ _

As he contemplated the thought, he looked down at the book he now held. He glanced down at the page that it had opened to when it fell. The title of the poem was at the top of the left page - "The Raven."

~_What are the chances?_~ Morgan asked silently, taking it as a clue as to how he should handle the current situation. "So, seeing as I haven't ever read this poem you're quoting from, would you mind reading it to me?" he asked, as he walked back to the couch, choosing to let the subject of food go for now.

Morgan sat back down next to Reid, and handed the book to him. He thought at first the younger man would refuse as he looked down in surprise at the page that was opened. Instead though, Reid settled back against the couch and started reading.

"_Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,_

_Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,_

_While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,_

_As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door."*_

As Reid finished reading the last line, there was a knock at the door, causing him to jump slightly.

"Well, whoever it has good timing," Morgan quipped, getting to his feet.

Morgan crossed over to the door, glancing out the peep hole as he reached for the doorknob. Seeing Prentiss standing in the hallway, he opened the door far enough for him to be able to stand in the gap. Garcia had been back to visit a few times, but Reid hadn't said anything about being ready to face the rest of the team.

"Hi, Prentiss. The case is over then I take it?" Morgan asked. He had kept in contact with the members of his team and tried to keep tabs on the case as much as possible.

Emily nodded. "We got back this morning."

"You can invite her in," Reid said, form his spot on the couch. Morgan could hear the hesitancy in the words but was relieved that the younger man was ready to stop keeping the rest of the team at arms length.

"Come in," Morgan said, stepping aside and opening the door the rest of the way.

Feeling a bit uneasy, Emily stepped into the apartment. She kept hearing the shouts she had heard the last time she was in this apartment. Her eyes fell on Reid, still sitting on the couch. Emily already felt the young genius was too skinny, and that was before he had lost more weight since she had seen him last. His face was pale, except for the dark shadows under his eyes.

"I made some lasagna," the dark-haired profiler said, holding up the Pyrex dish she was carrying. She felt like the words were stupid even as they came out of her mouth but she was sure what else to say, and as nervous as she was, she had to say something.

"Great," Morgan said, reaching out to take the dish from Prentiss.

Emily gave it up reluctantly. Now that her hands were empty, she wasn't sure what to do with them. Though her mother would scold her for unlady like behavior, she finally stuffed her hands into the pockets of her slacks.

"I'm starving. I'll just take this into the kitchen and warm it up some, and then the three of us can sit down and eat together," Morgan said, even as he headed for the kitchen. He was hoping that the presence of Emily would put an end to Reid's protests of not being hungry.

As Morgan left the room, Emily took a few tentative steps toward the couch. Not moving to get up, Reid closed the book and placed it on the counter. Not looking in her direction, he started speaking.

"Look, Emily, I know I haven't been exactly nice to you lately. I've lost track of the number of times I've snapped at you for no reason. I knew you were only trying to help, but at the time I didn't want that help, and it made me felt weak that you all thought I needed it, even though I did. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry and I completely understand if you can't forgive me."

The words broke through Emily's hesitancy. She quickly closed the distance between her and the couch and sat down next to him.

"Oh Spencer, forgiving you is not a problem. Yes, those words you threw at me hurt but that's all they were words. I could see you were hurting but I had absolutely no idea how to help you. I still don't know how to help you," shed admitted.

"Just tell me you'll be here for me through all this. I know it isn't over and I don't want to do this alone. I can't do this alone."

Emily reached out and put her arm across Reid's shoulders, pulling him close to her.

"Anything you need, that it is in my power to do, I will do," she told him sincerely.

Reid shook his head slowly. "I just don't get you guys. I treat you all terribly, and you should all be furious with me, and instead . . ." Reid paused, swallowing hard to fight back the emotions that were raging inside of him. "Instead, everyone is just showing sympathy for me. Is willing to let my behavior slide. I don't get it. If I were you all, I'd hate me. Hell, I hate myself as it is."

Prentiss gave Reid a slight squeeze. "None of us hate you."

"I'm sure JJ does."

"Then you'd be wrong. We may hate the choices you've made and hate some of the things you've done but we don't hate you and we want to help you through this. The fact that we haven't really been able to do much this past week has been driving us crazy. I'm glad you're finally letting people help."

Reid was shaking his head, causing Prentiss to wonder what he was disagreeing with.

"None of you needed to see what I went through the past few days. I hated that I had to put Morgan through that, but I needed someone's help."

"I'm just glad you finally asked for help. I may only have known you for a few months, but the guy I got to know before Georgia was a pretty great guy, and I'm looking forward to getting him back," Prentiss told him lightly, making reference to the words he had thrown at her during a case in Texas.

"I want that person back too. I feel like I don't know myself any more."

"Give it time. We'll get you through this," Prentiss told him. "You know, JJ is really worried about you. Can I tell her its okay to come see you?"

The scene in the hotel lobby, when he had made her cry came to mind. Reid groaned and hid his face in his hands.

"I can't believe I hurt her like that. Are you sure she wants to see me?"

"I'm positive," Prentiss told him, her hand now resting lightly on his back. "I'm supposed to call her and let her know how you're doing as soon as I leave here."

"I can't deal with another apology tonight. I just can't do it," Reid said softly.

"I'll tell her to wait until tomorrow," Prentiss suggested.

Reid nodded, and sitting up turned to face Prentiss. She could see unshed tears sparkling in her eyes. "Tell her I'll understand if she doesn't want to come."

"Oh, she'll want to come," Emily told him, reaching out to hug him.

Prentiss wrapped her arms tightly around him and held him close. It wasn't long before she felt Reid returning the hug and a slight shake of his body as the tears finally started to fall.

"Shh . . . it's going to be okay," Prentiss said softly. She glanced up to see Morgan standing in the doorway of the kitchen, a look of concern and relief on his face.

_* "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe_


	17. Battling a Demon

**AN: This chapter's prompt was suggested by RoseLaurel. Thanks for the suggestions for the prompts!  
**

**Prompt: A small milk white owl statue with striking red eyes watched.**

* * *

"I could stay tonight if you wanted to head home and catch up on some sleep. You look as tired as Reid does," Prentiss said as Morgan walked her to the apartment door an hour later. Reid had retreated to his room about twenty minutes earlier after eating very little.

Morgan shook his head. "I appreciate the offer, but I don't feel comfortable leaving him, especially not at night. The nightmares have gotten worse as he's gotten past the withdrawal symptoms. He still needs me here, Prentiss."

Emily reached up and patted her co-worker's shoulder. "Neither of you is in this alone. Don't make yourself sick trying to help him. It won't do either of you any good."

"Yes mother," Morgan told her lightly. Prentiss shot him an exasperated look, which caused him to smile. "Seriously, though I hear you. We'll figure something out eventually. Right now, I think I need to just hang in for a few more days."

"You're a good guy, Derek Morgan."

Embarrassed, Morgan glanced down at the floor. The awkward moment was broken by the sound of breaking glass from the direction of the bedroom. Morgan was immediately heading in that direction.

"Reid?" Morgan called out, reaching the bedroom door. Reid was nowhere in sight, and Morgan headed for the bathroom.

The door was open, and Morgan found the source of the noise. The medicine cabinet mirror was shattered. Reid was standing in front of the sink. Crossing over to him, Morgan looked down to see his right hand covered with blood.

"What's going on, Kid?" Morgan asked quietly, as he reached out to grasp Reid's right wrist. There was a good size piece of glass sticking out between the knuckles of the ring finger and middle finger, which Morgan pulled out.

"I hate myself and I don't know how you guys can't hate me too. I almost got JJ killed. I gave in to an UnSub when he asked me to choose people to live just to save myself and then turned to drugs when things got hard because I didn't want to deal with the reality of everything. I've not only ruined my life but the lives of the only people other than my Mom who have ever cared about me. I'm a terrible person. I don't know why Tobias brought me back. He should have let me die."

"Hey now, don't talk like that," Morgan told him, taking a towel that Prentiss handed to him, and wrapping it around Reid's bleeding hand. Taking a quick count, he came up with at least three different cuts on the hand.

"Why not? It's the truth. You've got your own life Morgan and here you have been cooped up in this stupid apartment with me for the past week. I'm sorry."

"I've been where I've needed to be," Morgan told him, as he clasped the Reid's bleeding hand between his own. He glanced over his shoulder at Prentiss. "Can you keep pressure on this? I need to make a phone call."

"Yeah, sure," Prentiss said, stepping forward and taking Reid's towel clad hand in her own.

Already taking his cell phone from its clip, Morgan walked out into the bedroom. Pressing the button for Eric's number, the doctor was soon on the other end of the line.

"Is he talking about the pain at all? Making comments about his hand hurting or anything like that?" Eric asked, after Morgan had explained to him what happened.

"No. The only thing he's said so far is talking about hating himself and wishing Tobias had let him die down in Georgia. Why?"

"It's a tactic some addicts use. They injure themselves to get drugs legally."

"I don't think that's what this was."

"Just make sure you keep that bit of information in mind when you're dealing with him, Derek. I know he's your friend but when they're looking for a way to get drugs addicts can do some underhanded things and he is a recovering addict. Right now though, we need to get him patched up. Bring him down to the clinic. I should be able to deal with it there."

Ending the call, Morgan headed back into the bathroom. Reid was seated on the closed lid of the toilet, while Prentiss knelt down in front of him, applying pressure to his right hand.

"Okay, Kid, Eric is going to meet us down at the clinic . . ."

"I'm fine, Morgan," Reid protested.

"We'll let a doctor be the judge of that. It's either the clinic or the emergency room, though you're going to have a lot more explaining to do if you take that second option."

Morgan heard Reid sigh and knew that he was giving in. Reid free his hand from Prentiss' grasp, and closing his left hand over top of the other, held his right hand against his mid-section as he got to his feet.

"I'll clean up here, for you," Prentiss said, glancing first at the broken mirror and then down at the blood staining the white basin of the sink.

Morgan nodded, as Reid stepped past Prentiss. Putting his arm around Reid's shoulders, Morgan started leading the younger man toward the front door. It wasn't long before they were downstairs, and walking out of the apartment building. They had past a couple of Reid's neighbors on their way into the building, who had asked after Reid with genuine concern. Morgan assured them that it was just a slight mishap and that Reid would be fine, even as he continued to usher the younger man toward his car.

They were on their way to the clinic before Reid spoke again.

"I wasn't trying to hurt myself on purpose," he said quietly.

"Then what were you trying to do?" Morgan asked, keeping his attention focused on the road and the traffic around him. Reid answered the question, but the words were too soft for Morgan to make out. "What was that, Kid?" he asked, hoping Reid would repeat the answer and not clam up on him.

"I just couldn't stand looking at my own reflection. I hate myself right now. I've hurt so many people that I care about in so many ways. When I saw myself in the mirror, it was like I was seeing all that displayed in front of me and I just wanted to put an end to it. Just wanted to get rid of the reflection of what I have become."

Morgan chanced a glance in Reid's direction. The younger man had his forehead resting against the window. Morgan couldn't help but notice how lost his friend looked right about now but he was at a loss for words. He didn't know what he could possibly say that would help ease the anguish Reid was feeling right now.

"Kid, please don't get mad at me but I feel obligated to make this suggestion."

"I don't need to see a psychologist Morgan. I'm not crazy."

"I know you're not. However, you are dealing with a lot of emotional issues that a professional would be able to help you sort out."

"I'm sorry I said anything," Reid said quietly. "I won't burden you with anything else."

~_Damn it!_~ Morgan silently swore. "That's not what I meant. You can tell me anything, Kid. I'll always be willing to listen but the thing is I'm not always going to have the answers. I have no idea how to help you sort things out and come to terms with things. That's all out of my expertise."

Morgan paused as he waited for an answer. When one wasn't forthcoming, he cast a quick glance at Reid again. The younger man was staring silently out the window. Morgan let out a sigh. ~Eric warned me this could be harder than getting him through the detox process.~

The rest of the drive to the clinic was silent. After parking, the two profilers walked silently into the building. There were several people sitting in the small waiting room, and a middle age woman wearing scrubs sat behind the desk. From the top counter of the desk, a small milk white owl statue with striking red eyes watched. Morgan had to do a double take to make sure the thing wasn't alive as it seemed almost real.

"Can I help you?" the woman asked.

"My friend cut his hand. We were supposed to meet Dr. Rollins here," Morgan told her.

"Ah yes, he told me he was expecting you. One moment, please."

The woman disappeared through a door and moments later returned with Eric behind her.

"Come on back," Eric told them, standing in the doorway. He gestured to another door just beyond the end of the desk.

Eric led them to one of the curtained off areas in the room behind the desk. Murmurs of voices could be heard as other staff members talked softly with other patients.

"Not the best set up, I know but we make do with what we can get here," Eric said in a way of an explanation as he drew the curtain closed behind them. "Why don't you go ahead an lay down, and we'll get that hand taken care of," he said, looking at Reid.

As Reid climbed up onto the examining table, and laid back, Eric walked over to the counter unit in the corner of the small area. He washed his hands, donned gloves and grabbed what he would need to clean the wounds. As he turned back to the table, the doctor hooked a rolling chair with his foot and moved it toward where Reid was laying. Placing his things on the exam table next to Reid, Eric settled in the chair, and reached out to take Reid's towel wrapped hand, which the profiler had been laying across himself.

Eric carefully unwrapped the towel, examining the cuts as he held the injured hand in his own.

"You said you pulled a piece of glass out of his hand?" Eric asked Morgan as he rested Reid's hand down on the table.

"Yeah, from that cut," Morgan said, pointing to the cut between knuckles that fresh blood was still slowly oozing out of. The other cuts seemed to have stopped bleeding already.

"I think that one is going to need a few stitches," the doctor commented as he began to wash off the blood and disinfect the wounds. "Spencer do you want something mild to help with the pain?" Eric asked, not about to give him any prescription strength drugs or narcotics but knowing even Ibuprofen would help some, and not just with the pain. Already he noticed some swelling present.

Reid shook his head. The answer encouraged Eric who up until this point had still suspected punching the mirror had been a way to get some strong drugs.

"Okay," Eric said. " What I'm going to do then, is inject a numbing agent into that area of your hand so I can put the stitches in with minimal discomfort."

His explanation got a nod in response from Reid. Once he had finished cleaning and disinfecting the three cuts on Reid's hand, Eric examined them for stray pieces of glass. Finding none, he picked up his stuff and went back to the counter. After numbing the hand, he started putting in the few necessary stitches. From the other side of the table, Morgan had to look away from the procedure. Glancing down at Reid's left hand, he saw that the younger man had it clenched in a fist, his knuckles turning white.

Reaching down, Morgan took the hand in his own. Easing it out of a fist, he slipped his own hand into his friend's. Given the conversation on the ride over here, Morgan was surprised when Reid didn't pull his hand away.

"A few stitches and you'll be all patched up, Kid. Nothing to worry about."

"You're the one who couldn't watch," Reid commented, feeling the pressure on his hand from the needle going into the skin, but not feeling any pain.

"So sue me, I hate the sight of any type of needle."

"Bet Garcia would love to know that tidbit of information."

"I'm sure she would. She would also hold it over my head, which is why you're not going to say a thing to her," Morgan told him.

"My lips are sealed," Reid replied lightly.

"All finished," Eric said a short time later.

As Reid went to sit up though, the doctor placed a restraining hand on his shoulder. "Not so fast, there. I want to go find our portable x-ray machine and make sure you didn't fracture anything. There is quit a bit of bruising."

"I'm fine," Reid protested.

"Kid, listen to your doctor."

Reid looked from Eric to Morgan and then back to Eric. He was not only overpowered, but he was also outnumbered. He let his head rest back against the pillow in resignation and closed his eyes.

Seeing that his patient wasn't going to make an immediate escape attempt, Eric turned toward the cabinet above the counter. Taking an ice pack from a shelf, he broke the seal, shook it and tossed it and a towel to Morgan.

"See that he leaves that on that hand until I get back," Eric said, walking through the break in the curtain.


	18. How Much?

**Prompt:** _"Everything in this world exists to wear you down" from Bleach Magna _

Thanks to The Laughing Mann for providing the prompt!

* * *

Morgan walked into Reid's bedroom to retrieve the ice pack. The x-ray had revealed no fractured bones in Reid's hand. Eric had finally let them leave, giving Reid instructions to ice his hand frequently for twenty minute intervals until the swelling went down.

Reid had drifted off into a restless sleep. Walking over to the bed, Morgan reached down to retrieve the ice pack. He was debating on whether or not to wake the younger man up, when Reid sat quickly up in the bed with a gasp. Reid's eyes darted around the room as he took in his surroundings.

"You're okay, Reid. It was just a bad dream," Morgan told him, sitting down on the side of the bed. He reached a hand out, intending to place it on Reid's shoulder but the younger men drew away from him.

"I'm fine," Reid told him, laying back down on the bed. The younger man turned onto his side, his back facing Morgan.

"Was in another nightmare?" Morgan asked softly, looking down at his friend.

Reid gave no indication that he had even heard the question. Instead, brought his feet up, curling his body up into a fetal position.

"Reid, come on. Talking about it will help," Morgan said. He paused, waiting for a reply. He didn't receive one. "Are you not talking to me because of the suggestion that you talk to a professional?"

Once again, Morgan waited for an answer that was not forthcoming. The older man cursed silently at himself for making that suggestion. He had known that it wouldn't go over well with Reid. That the younger man wouldn't really consider going to talk to some stranger and put in his place, Morgan had to admit that he probably wouldn't want to either. Still he worried that he wouldn't be able to give his friend the support and help that he needed, and had felt compelled to share that fear with his friend. Also, there had been the off chance that Reid would take him up on the offer. Unfortunately, the only thing he had seemed to accomplish was to get Reid mad at him.

Morgan sighed. "When you're ready to talk, I'll be ready to listen," he told the younger man standing up and walking toward the door.

Morgan paused in the doorway. He looked back at the bed, hoping that Reid would change his mind. That he would share with him whatever it was that had disturbed his sleep. Reid hadn't moved however. With a sigh, Morgan left the doorway and headed for the kitchen to put the ice pack back in the freezer. As tempting as it was just to walk out of the apartment in frustration Morgan knew that he couldn't do that.

~_Doing so will be like an admission that I'm giving up on him. Everything that has been gain will have been lost and when Reid goes back to the drug it will be my fault. As frustrating as dealing with him is, he is my friend and he needs me whether he wants to admit it or not_, ~ Morgan told himself.

He put the ice pack in the freezer, poured himself a glass of soda and then retreated to the living room. Placing the glass on the coffee table, Morgan stretched out on the couch. He'd give Reid some space and let the younger man calm down some. What he wouldn't do was leave the younger man alone especially as it wasn't that Reid was ignoring him altogether - he was just back to not talking about what was bothering him.

~_I only hope that giving a bit of time he'll get over being mad at the suggestion I made_, ~ Morgan thought as he stared up at the ceiling.

The dark-skinned profiler placed a hand behind his head, as he tried to let his body and mind relax. His body cooperated, the lack of sleep over the past week having taken its toll. No matter how he tried though, his mind wouldn't follow. He kept replaying the events of this evening in his head as he tried to figure out what he could say or do to get Reid to open up to him again.

Reid listened to Morgan's footsteps fade away as he had finally left the room. Curled up on the bed, what he wanted to do was call out for Morgan to stop. Wanted to tell his friend all about the dream. Recount to Morgan about how he was back in that shack in Georgia with Tobias hovering over him, needle in hand. Then, as the needle sank into his arm, the face had changed to Gideon's face and the needle was plunging into his arm again, and again - each time by a different teammate.

~_What did it mean? _~

Reid wanted nothing more than to recount those events to Morgan and make them seem less real. Longed to hear Morgan tell him that is was only a dream. That was all he needed to hear from his friend. He didn't need some clinical analysis of the dream and to be told what dream analysis said it meant. Though he might not know what the dreams meant he did know that they were his mind's way of dealing with the torture he had gone through during those days. The last thing he wanted to hear was to the fake concern of some psychologist while they presented a cold analysis of events that they didn't really understand. Oh, they might try to understand but they couldn't - not really. After all, they didn't know him. Didn't know what it was that he had gone through, and recounting his ordeal down in Georgia again like he had to the bureau's psychologist so that he could get clearance to return to work, was not something he was going to do. Reliving it in his mind was bad enough.

~_Maybe Morgan doesn't understand everything either but at least he knows what I went through? _~ Reid thought. ~_Instead of getting angry with him, why didn't I just explain that to him? Morgan would understand. He'd understand now if I were to go talk to him_, ~ he argued, as Morgan's words replayed in his head about him being ready to listen when Reid was ready to talk.

Still, Reid couldn't find the strength or the courage to uncurl from the ball he was in, and search out his friend. Laying there, refusing to close his eyes lest the images from the nightmare come back, Reid listened closely to the sounds of the apartment. There weren't many - in fact the only sounds he heard came from Morgan's movements in the other rooms. Heard footsteps getting louder as they moved back toward the bedroom.

Reid found himself hoping that they would keep getting louder. That Morgan would come back into the bedroom and he could explain things to him. They didn't though. The sound of the footsteps disappeared, and Reid figured his friend had settled himself on the couch.

~_At least I haven't heard the front door open and close. I know not answering him, hurt his feelings. I wouldn't blame him if he had left_, ~ Reid thought, at the same time acknowledging that he was glad Morgan hadn't left. Somehow, at least knowing that his friend was still in the apartment was a small comfort.

~_Still, how much more will our friendship take before it is damaged irreparably. How much more will Morgan take_, ~ Reid thought, even as he wondered why Morgan hadn't walked away from him already. _~Or maybe he has. Maybe I just didn't hear the door? ~ _Reid wondered, the doubt in him feeling heavier.

Feeling a sudden need to know for sure that Morgan hadn't left, Reid finally uncurled from the ball. Placing his sock clad feet on the floor, he slowly got to his feet. Still, the sound of his footsteps seemed to echo in his ears. ~_Or perhaps it's just in my head_, ~ Reid thought to himself as he walked toward the still open door of the doorway.

The sudden urge to simply slam the door shut and retreat back to his bed crossed his mind, though he was pretty sure that doing so would only serve to anger his friend further. ~_If he hadn't left yet he would then_, ~ Reid said, thinking that thought with conviction. Part of him already feared he was going to find an empty apartment beyond the doorway.

Perhaps it was that fear that made him jump slightly as he saw Morgan peer over the back of the couch as he stepped through the doorway and into the living room.

"You okay, Reid?" Morgan asked as he sat up on the couch.

"You're still here?" Reid asked instead of actually answering the question.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Reid shrugged his shoulders. "Just figured that maybe you got tired of dealing with everything and left."

"Unless you can find a way to actually physically throw me out of this apartment, Kid, I'm not going anywhere no matter what you say or do."

"You will. Eventually everybody does," Reid said, quietly before turning around and heading back into the bedroom.

Reaching the bed, he collapsed onto, burying his head in one of the pillows. He was hoping to block out the light without actually closing his eyes.

Everything in this world exists to wear you down.

Reid remembered his Dad saying those words when he was younger. Like most things revolving around his father, he had banished them from his conscious thoughts. As they rose to the surface now though, he acknowledged the truth in them and just like the nightmares and everything else was slowly chipping away his resistence he knew the same was happening to Morgan.

~_He'll only take so much and then he'll leave. If my own father couldn't stand to be around me how can anyone else? ~_


	19. Putting Things in Perspective

**Prompt: Pancakes and bubble baths suggested by PinkHimeLacus. Thanks!**

_AN: Sorry this took so long. Had trouble writing this chapter - JJ wouldn't cooperate!_

* * *

Morgan stood looking at the closed bathroom door behind which Reid had retreated after Morgan's inquiry if he wanted to talk. The dark-skinned profiler hadn't gotten much sleep, having checked on Reid numerous times between cat naps. Only once had he found the younger man sleeping. Morgan had tried several times to get his friend to talk, meeting with about as much success as he had this last time.

With a frustrated sigh Morgan stalked out of the bedroom. He was at a loss as to what to do. He had tried both explaining and apologizing for making the suggestion that Reid talk to a professional. Had asked Reid if he would rather talk to one of the others, to which Morgan had at least gotten a reply to, even if it was an emphatic no. If it wasn't for the fact that Morgan had searched the apartment for drugs, the one vial that had been saved having been wasted when Eric had been sure he wouldn't need it, and that Reid hadn't been outside of the apartment without him since, the dark-skinned profiler would have been worried Reid was back on the drugs.

Sitting down on the couch, Morgan rested his elbows on his knees. Leaning forward he interlaced his fingers behind his neck. What he wanted to do was get away from here for a few hours. Take a bit of time to himself and regroup. Morgan knew he couldn't do that though, at least not without someone here that he knew wouldn't leave Reid alone no matter how hard the younger man pushed, especially after last night. Reid's comment about everyone eventually leaving was sticking with him and the last thing Morgan wanted to do was fuel that sentiment.

There was a knock at the door. Getting to his feet, Morgan headed for the door. A quick peek out the peep hole revealed JJ standing on the other side.

"Morning JJ," Morgan said, opening the door. He felt relief at having someone there to share the burden while at the same time wondering if it was such a good time for JJ to be stopping by. "Come in," he said, stepping aside to allow her to enter the apartment.

"Good morning," JJ said, returning the greeting as she stepped into the apartment. As Morgan shut the front door, she got a good look at him. "You look like hell."

"I'm sure I do," Morgan replied, easily. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

"How's Spence?"

Morgan shook his head slowly. "I'm at a loss as to what to do, JJ. I made the suggestion that it might help if he talked to a professional because most of the time, I don't know what to say to help him, and now he's almost completely shut me out. I can't help him if he won't let me."

"Perhaps the two of you just need a break from each other," JJ suggested. "You've been here a week now. Even under normal circumstances two people in the same house can start getting on one another's nerves, and this definitely does not qualify as normal circumstances."

"It's just that he's gotten this far and I don't want to be the reason that he takes a step backwards."

"I know, Morgan, but the two of you aggravated with each other isn't going to help matters either," JJ said calmly. "Look. I'm here. Why don't you leave for a few hours and take the opportunity to clear your head? It'll do you some good."

"And Reid?"

"Let me worry about Spencer for a little bit. The two of us have some things to talk about anyway."

Morgan thought about the situation. It wasn't like he felt as if he was being much help anyway. Maybe JJ was right. Perhaps a little bit of time away from all of this was just what he needed. Perhaps even what they both needed.

"You won't leave until I get back?"

"I promise," JJ told him. "Now go on," she insisted giving him a small push toward the door. "Go take a few hours to yourself."

"Perhaps I'll go pick up Clooney from my neighbors and take him to the park for a while. I'm sure he's missing me as much as I'm missing him."

"Sounds like a great plan."

Morgan reached for the door knob. As he started to pull the door open, he paused, the door cracked.

"JJ, if for any reason you need to leave before I get back . . ."

"I'll call you, Derek," JJ told him, finishing the sentiment for him. "It'll be fine. Go!"

With a final nod Morgan pulled the door open the rest of the way and left the apartment. As the door shut behind him, JJ slipped her purse off of her shoulder and placed it on the couch before walking toward the bedroom.

The door was open and she saw Spencer sitting on the edge of the bed. Reaching out, she rapped on the door, the sound causing the young genius to look up.

"I thought I heard your voice," he said softly.

"Mind if I come in?" she asked, her eyes taking in her friend's condition.

To JJ, Reid looked worse than Morgan had. The shirt and sweat pants he was wearing looked way too big on him. The shadows under his eyes had gotten darker since the last time she had seen him, and from the exhausted look on his face, JJ would have thought it was nighttime and not morning.

"When did you get here?"

"A few minutes ago," she replied, stepping into the room even though she hadn't gotten a reply to her question. As she walked slowly toward the bed, she tried to decide what to say next. The normal 'how are you' pleasantries just didn't seem appropriate in this situation. Still trying to decide what to say, she sat down on the bed next to Reid. It felt so strange not knowing what to say to him as her friendship with the young genius had always seemed so free and easy. Doing things, like reaching out to button a shirt sleeve, had always seemed like a natural thing to do, even though she would never have considered doing something like that with someone else. She could only imagine that Hotch's reaction would be just as loud and angry as Reid's had been back in the lobby in that California hotel. But her relationship with Reid had always been different from the one she shared with the unit chief and the two of them had taken their share of teasing from their teammates because of that.

"We've missed you at work," JJ said, choosing that sentiment to break the silence that had fallen over the room.

"The way I've been acting lately, I find that hard to believe," Reid told her. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before he continued. "I'm sorry about snapping at you out in California, JJ. It was uncalled for. I could have just asked you not to fix my sleeve."

"Yeah, you could have," JJ ventured, "but me buttoning the sleeve wasn't the real issue was it?"

Reid shook his head before propping his elbows up on his knees and burying his face in his hands. "I've made such a mess of everything and hurt everyone who's important to me. I really am sorry, JJ. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know that, Spence," she said, reaching out to put a hand across his shoulders, feeling the tenseness in her friend. "I'm just glad you're finally letting us help you."

"I don't deserve for all of you to be so forgiving."

"Yes, you do. Yes you made some mistakes and you've been difficult, but we all know you've been hurting. Feel as if we've failed you."

"This is my fault and my fault alone."

"I shouldn't have let you go off on your own like that in Georgia," JJ said, voicing the guilt she had been carrying around with her since February.

"I didn't exactly give you much choice and I should have made sure you were with me before running into that cornfield. When I heard those gunshots, I thought . . . If anything had happened to you . . ."

"Nothing did. I'm fine and you're going to be, Spence."

"I want to believe that but I'm still screwing things up. Hurting people who are trying to help me and I can't blame it on the drugs this time."

"Things will get better. Just give it time," she told him, removing her arm from his shoulders and starting to rub his back in a circular motion. "The first thing you need to do is to find a way to relax. You're too uptight. It isn't good for you."

"That is easier said than done."

"When I feel stressed, the things I find relaxing are pancakes and bubble baths."

"I'm not really the bubble bath type of person."

"Fine," JJ said, a smile coming to her face, "but have you eaten breakfast, yet?"

Reid shook his head in reply.

"Then how about I make us some pancakes for breakfast?"

"You don't have to go to the trouble," he told her.

"It's no trouble at all," JJ told him getting to her feet. "I'll meet you in the kitchen," she said as she headed for the door.

"Morgan left didn't he?" Reid asked, stopping JJ about halfway between the bed and the door.

JJ turned to face her friend. "Yes though reluctantly," she told him. "He's worried about you, Spencer, and that is the only reason he made the suggestion that he did. He's afraid of making a mistake and thought you might need to talk to someone who knows how to help people deal with things like this."

"I need someone to talk to who knows what happened. I can't face trying to explain everything to some stranger. I know you guys don't know everything but you all know most of it, and went through some of it with me in a way. It's bad enough I relive everything in my nightmares I don't want to do that while awake too."

"Then tell Derek that, Spence. Don't just shut him out. He made the suggestion because he's afraid of failing you."

"I just don't want to lose his friendship. I don't think I could deal with that, with losing any of you right now. I couldn't stand being alone again."

JJ crossed back over to him and knelt down in front of him. "Spence, look at me," she said, waiting for Reid to raise his head to meet her gaze. "None of us intend on leaving you, least of all Morgan. This past week should have shown you that."

"I guess when he suggested that I talk to a professional it felt as if he was trying to get rid of me."

"If that were the case, why wouldn't he have left right after he made that suggestion? Or why would he have made me promise not to leave until he got back?"

"Did he really?"

"Yes, he did. None of us plan on leaving you, Spence. The fact that we're all here for you after how you've been acting lately should attest to that."

"I'm so sorry, JJ" Reid said again, reaching out to hug the blonde woman still kneeling in front of him.

JJ wrapped her arms tightly around Reid and held him tight.

"I forgive you, Spence," she said softly. "Now, it's time that you start finding a way forgive yourself."

JJ didn't make an attempt to free herself from the hug, but instead held Reid tight until he started to pull away. When he finally did, JJ got to her feet, still looking at her friend.

"Are you ready for breakfast now? You're way too skinny."

"You sound like my mother."

"I like your mother, so I'm going to take that as a compliment," JJ told him with a smile as she reached out a hand to ruffle Reid's hair before heading for the bedroom door again.


	20. Nightmare

_**Prompt:** Chinese saying from 'Kung Fu Panda' -"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present." - Thanks to Graveygraves for suggesting this prompt!_

**Special Announcement:**

**~*~ Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds Community ~*~**

**Hosted by ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969**

_It is our pleasure to announce the Second Annual Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds community!_

_The nomination ballot is now available, and all rules are posted on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum! Nomination ballots must be received by October 15, 2011 and must be sent to this PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Fics for consideration must have appeared on the CM section of between September 1, 2010 and August 31, 2011 (see rules for full details.)_

_Please read all rules prior to submitting ballots! Please PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards with any questions._

* * *

Morgan unlocked the door to Reid's apartment and walked in. He felt relief at the sight of Reid sleeping peacefully on the couch. The younger man needed to catch up on his rest.

Walking quietly through the living room, and was soon joining JJ in the kitchen.

"You look more relaxed," JJ commented looking up from the dishes she was cleaning in the sink.

"I feel more relaxed. Didn't realize how much I missed Clooney until I saw him. Thanks JJ. I needed some time away."

JJ smiled and nodded. "Spence and I needed today too," she told him.

"How long has he been sleeping?"

JJ finished the rinsing the last bowl she had used while cooking, and reached into the sink to let the water out of the sink. "About a forty-five minutes now," she replied. "Which gave me time to make the two of you some baked ziti. All you've got to do is cook it when you're ready for it."

"Thanks, JJ. That was nice of you."

"I needed something to do," JJ said with a shrug. "I should probably get going. I've got some errands to run but if you need something don't hesitate to call."

"I won't," he told her, stepping forward to embrace the blonde media liaison.

After the hug, JJ gave Morgan directions for cooking the dish. He walked her quietly to the door and saw her out. Turning, his gaze falls on the sleeping form of Reid, though the peaceful look had now disappeared from the younger man's face. Walking over to the couch, Morgan stood watching Reid for a few minutes. Other than the wrinkles that had appeared in the young man's forehead, there were no indications of distress. Deciding to leave Reid sleep for now, Morgan returned to the kitchen.

He was placing the pan of ziti in the oven when a shout made him jump slightly.

"No! Morgan!"

Morgan shut the oven door quickly and started for the living room. Reid was still asleep on the couch but he was now tossing restlessly. As he hurried over, Morgan could still hear the younger man saying his name, followed by 'I'm so sorry'. As he knelt down next to the couch, he realized Reid was crying in his sleep.

"Reid, wake up!" Morgan said loudly, reaching out to place a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Reid!" Morgan said, shaking him slightly. There was no change in the younger man other than the words coming from him.

"I didn't mean it! I swear I didn't mean it!"

"Reid, wake up!" Morgan tried again, this time reaching out and placing his other hand on the side of Reid's face.

With a gasp, Reid's eyes flew open his eyes unfocused.

"Reid, you're okay. It was just a bad dream," Morgan said, still watching Reid closely.

"Morgan?" Reid asked quietly, finally registering his friend's presence. "But I . . ." Reid let his words trail off as he turned to face the back of the couch.

Morgan didn't move. This had to stop now. Reid needed to talk about what was going on or he wasn't going to be able to move on. Bottling things up inside was no good. Morgan knew that better than anyone.

"Reid, talk to me."

"I'm fine. It was just a dream," Reid told him. Morgan watched his friend wipe away tears and struggle to get his emotions under control. It took him a few minutes, but when he felt he had managed to check the tears, Reid sat up on the couch, moving down to sit on the end cushion. "See. I'm fine. Nothing to worry about," he said, forcing a smile.

Still kneeling next to the couch, Morgan looked up at him, not buying it for a minute.

"Kid, you were crying in your sleep. None of the other nightmares that I've witnessed have caused that. You're not okay."

"I'm fine, Morgan. Really. Things will be fine."

Listening to Reid's attempt at reassuring him, Morgan felt he was beginning to understand Reid's reluctance to talk to him. The comment about not burdening him with anything else and his fears of Morgan leaving. Feeling that Reid was holding back in an attempt to not push him away, an idea came to Morgan of how he might be able to get Reid to talk to him. It was risky but he was at a loss for what else to do.

"Well, then if you're fine, I guess you don't need me here," Morgan said getting to his feet. "Dinner is in the oven. JJ said it will take forty-five minutes to cook," he added, starting for the door.

"What? You're just leaving?" Reid asked, the panic evident in his voice as well as on his face.

"Well, you insist you're fine. You won't talk to me. What good am I doing here?" Morgan told him. He had reached the door. Reaching a hand out for the door knob, Morgan prayed that Reid would try to stop him. He didn't want to leave him, even for a minute but he had to do something to get Reid talking again.

"Please don't go."

Even in their whispered state, the words held such a pleading tone to them that it tugged at Morgan's heart. He turned to look back at Reid. The younger man hadn't moved from the couch but his eyes were looking directly at him.

"Then you've got to talk to me, Kid," Morgan replied softly. "I can't just hang out here and watch you suffer like this. I may not be the best one to help you through things but bottling things up is not good for you."

"I didn't want to push you away. I thought you suggested that I talk to a professional so that you wouldn't have to listen . . ."

"No, Reid. I made that suggestion because I thought someone trained to deal with things like this might be able to help you more. I feel like I'm in over my head and I don't want to make things worse."

"I turned to drugs to forget my problems. I don't think things could get worse," Reid said, looking away from Morgan.

Morgan looked at Reid and how things could be worse immediately came to mind. A possibility that he wasn't about to give voice to. Instead he walked back toward the couch and sat down next to Reid.

"I'm here to help you, Kid, to the best of my ability. I want you to talk to me but sometimes I don't know how to respond or what to say. There are times that I feel inadequate to help you through this."

"But you _know_, Morgan," Reid said, repeating the sentiment he had voiced to JJ earlier that day. "I don't need to recount what happened with Hankle because you were there when it happened and reliving those events . . . well, it's bad enough in my mind. I don't want to have to put . . ."

Reid's words broke off and he swallowed hard. Morgan reached out to put his arm across the younger man's shoulders but stopped when Reid pulled away. Or well attempted to, as the arm of the couch didn't give him much room to retreat.

"I can understand that," Morgan said, pulling back his arm and respecting his friend's need for space for now. "All you had to do was tell me that and the subject would have been dropped but please, Reid, don't try to go back to keeping the nightmares to yourself. You've come so far in the last week and trying to bottle things up will only sabotage that."

"I don't want to burden you."

"Reid, look at me," Morgan said, his voice firm and commanding. He reached out and placed a hand on Reid's shoulder, feeling and seeing the younger man's slight jump at the touch. Morgan didn't remove his hand this time though and waited until Reid had finally turned his head to meet his gaze before continuing. "You are one of my best friends, Kid. I would never think of anything you do, say, or ask me for to be a burden no matter what I'm doing or what time of day it is. I'm always going to be here for you, Kid. Do you understand me?"

Reid nodded in response.

"So, you want to tell me what the nightmare was about?" Morgan asked, softening the firmness of his voice as he asked the question.

Reid looked away, staring at a point on the floor in front of him. Instinctively, Morgan moved the hand that was on Reid's shoulder to the opposite shoulder, his arm now across the younger man's shoulder. He wanted to make the young genius feel a bit safer and though Reid stiffened up, he didn't pull away this time.

"I was in the cemetery in Georgia, digging my own grave. I got a hold of the gun, pointed it at Hankle and pulled the trigger only I didn't shoot Hankle - I shot . . ." Reid stopped as his voice wavered.

Morgan thought about what Reid had been calling out in his sleep and he had a feeling he knew who it was that Reid had shot in his dream. Still, he knew that the younger man had to get those words out himself in order for it to do him any good.

"I shot you," Reid continued, a few moments later, his voice still wavering. "I saw the bullet wound in your chest, and the blood seeping everywhere. I tried to stop it, but there was so much blood on my hands and more coming out with every heartbeat. I kept apologizing but I didn't get any answer and I knew, just like I had killed Hankle, I had killed you."

Reid managed to get the last words out just before the tears he had been trying to hold back won the battle. Without hesitation, Morgan pulled the younger man closer to him, wrapping both arms around him. Reid didn't offer any resistance now as he leaned his head against Morgan's chest.

"It's okay, Kid. It was just a bad dream," Morgan said softly, the words feeling so inadequate to him but he wasn't sure what else to say. He only hoped they would help in even some small way. "I'm right here. I'm warm and breathing and you can probably even hear my heartbeat."

"It seemed so real," Reid said quietly, the words sounding muffled.

"It couldn't be. You'd never hurt me. I know that."

There was no immediate reply, only the sounds of Reid's sobs. Finally, Reid managed to calm down a bit to get his next words out.

"I've seen that moment before in my dreams. It's . . ." Reid drew a deep breath. "It's replayed many times in my head but I'm always standing there, looking at Tobias. Only this time . . . this time . . ."

Reid never did finish the thought as he let the words trail off in sobs.

"It was probably just your subconscious trying to deal with our little misunderstanding," Morgan said, trying to be the voice of reason and hoping he wasn't coming out sounding accusatory.

"I just want the nightmares to end," Reid said through his tears.

"They will. It's just going to take time."

Reid took a couple of deep breaths before he was able to speak, his voice seeming a bit calmer now to Morgan.

"Yeah, as the nightmares are more than likely caused by the traumatic experience of being held and tortured" Reid paused as he wiped tears away, "clinically speaking if I can deal with that experience they should go away." His hand made another swipe at his face. "Of course nightmares can also be caused by withdrawal and sleep deprivation can also be a cause for them so perhaps the nightmares stem from . . ."

"Is this analysis really helping, Kid?" Morgan asked, interrupting the academic speech.

"Well, knowing the cause of the nightmares is the only way to know exactly how to treat them."

"Are you really qualified to make that diagnosis?"

"Well, I am a doctor."

"Wrong type of doctor there, Kid."

"I just want the nightmares to go away, Morgan," Reid said, a fresh wave of tears hitting. He had to swallow hard a few times before he was able to continue. "I want to be able to close my eyes without fearing of what I might see."

"That time will come, Kid," Morgan told him reassuringly. "And until you can, I'll be right here, we all will, to tell you to open your eyes and see what's real."

Reid didn't have an immediate response. Morgan wasn't sure if it was because the younger man didn't have anything to say or that he was unable to respond. The only thing that was breaking the silence was Reid's sobs.

"It's going to be okay. You just need to give it time," Morgan said, hoping the words were sounding reassuring to the younger man."

"I don't get it," Reid said after a few more minutes, having begun to regain control of his emotions.

"Don't get what?" Morgan asked quietly. As Reid hadn't yet made a move to pull away, Morgan kept his arms around the slender frame.

"Why you're all even still bothering with me after everything I've done."

"You're our friend. No other explanation should be needed," Morgan told him quietly.

"Friends don't treat friends like I've treated all of you. The things I've done - well I wouldn't forgive myself for."

"It's easier to give forgiveness when it's someone you care about than to forgive yourself. We've all forgiven you. Now you need to find a way to start forgiving yourself."

"Almost everyone."

Morgan thought about the response trying to think of who hadn't been by to see Reid in the past week. As he mentally went through the list of teammates, it didn't take him long to come upon the missing one - Gideon. He was about to say something when Reid started speaking again.

"I can't blame him though. After the things I said to him the last time he tried to help. I'm surprised he didn't just turn me in after that."

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad, Kid."

Reid finally pulled away from him, and reluctantly Morgan let him loose, though he managed to keep one arm around the younger man's shoulders.

"You weren't there, Morgan," Reid began as he wiped the tears off his face with his shirt sleeve. "You didn't hear the things I told him, and after everything he's done for me. All the times he's helped me sort things out. He was just trying to help and I threw that offer right back in his face."

"You did that to me a few times too, if I recall correctly. I'm still here," Morgan told him, growing alarmed as he watched Reid's already pale face go whiter. "Hey, Kid relax. It's going to be okay. Just remember, 'yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present'."

"I don't see what is so special about today," Reid said softly.

"You were able to work things out with JJ today weren't you?"

Reid nodded.

"And you and I worked out our little misunderstanding, right?"

Morgan received another nod in reply.

"Those sound like pretty nice gifts to me," Morgan told him.

"I guess you're right," Reid replied. He looked over at Morgan. "Where did you hear that saying anyway?"

"My World Philosophies class in college," Morgan replied.

"You took a Philosophy class?"

"What? You think just because I don't have a sky-high IQ or would have preferred to be throwing a football when I was younger that I couldn't handle a class that required you to think."

"No," Reid said defensively, which got a smile out of Morgan. "You just don't strike me as the philosophical sort."

"Just because I don't live and breath it like Gideon, doesn't mean I don't find it interesting at times," Morgan replied. He realized his mistake at mentioning the older profiler the moment Reid buried his head in his hands. "If it's bothering you that much, Kid, why don't you call him?"

Reid replied without looking up -his hands muffling his words.

"I didn't catch that," Morgan told him.

Reid lifted his head. "I'm afraid he wouldn't answer. I don't think I could deal with that."

Morgan wasn't sure what to say to that. Though he had gotten Reid through the withdrawal process, Morgan realized they were still on a slippery slope. It wouldn't be hard for something to cause a relapse, so if Reid said he had doubts about dealing with something, Morgan wasn't going to question that. He did however plan on making a phone call when he could do so in private. A talk with Gideon would give him the best idea of what this final obstacle was going to be like.

"You're not alone, Kid," Morgan said at loud, giving Reid's shoulders a squeeze. "Remember that."


	21. An End in Sight?

**Prompt: The Last Samurai suggested by RoseLaurel**

**Special Announcement**:

**~*~ Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds Community ~*~**

**Hosted by ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969**

_It is our pleasure to announce the Second Annual Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds community!_

_The nomination ballot is now available, and all rules are posted on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum! Nomination ballots must be received by October 15, 2011 and must be sent to this PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Fics for consideration must have appeared on the CM section of between September 1, 2010 and August 31, 2011 (see rules for full details.)_

* * *

Morgan turned off the TV, causing the scenes of the movie The Last Samurai blink out of sight. He hadn't really been interested in the movie, but it had at least been something he and Reid could agree to watch. As Reid was now asleep, curled up on the part of the couch Morgan was not occupying, Morgan didn't plan on finishing the movie. He looked over at his sleeping friend. The kid looked peaceful and Morgan wasn't about to wake him up just to move from the couch to his bed because chances were Reid would have a hard time falling asleep again and the kid needed rest more than anything else right now.

Carefully getting to his feet, Morgan reached for the afghan draped over the back of the couch. Covering Reid with it, he then made his way quietly to the kitchen. A glance at the display on the microwave told him that it was just nearing eight-thirty at night, which meant it was still early enough to make the call he had been waiting for the opportunity to make all afternoon.

Morgan leaned against the counter, his back to the wall as he peered through the gap between the counter and the cupboards above int the living room. He had two purposes for taking up this position. Foremost, he wanted to stay alert to any possible nightmares that might disturb Reid's slumber. Secondly, he really didn't want the younger man to overhear the phone call he was about to make, hence the reason Morgan had put it off this long.

Flipping open his phone, Morgan soon found the desired number and placed the call. Putting the phone up to his ear, he listened as the phone rang on the other end. Just when he thought he was going to get the voice mail his intended recipient picked up.

"Gideon," came the somewhat annoyed sounding reply of the older profiler.

Morgan wondered what he had interrupted even as he responded. "Hey Gideon. We need to talk."

"Reid?" Gideon asked, the annoyance suddenly replaced with concern. Morgan was relieved to hear the change of tone.

"Yeah," Morgan replied. "At this point you're the only one that hasn't come to see him."

"I stayed away because I thought that was what was for the best. Our last interaction didn't go so well. The last thing I want to do is make a bad situation worse."

"Yeah, Reid mentioned things didn't go so well the last time you talked. Things are different now though," Morgan said, carefully avoiding any outright talk of Reid's drug problem. He knew Gideon was aware of what was going on, they all did, but the less that was outright said about it, the safer it was for everyone involved. "The two of you need to talk things out. However, from what I can gather, Reid's afraid that you won't want to talk to him. Look, Gideon, I don't know what happened between the two of you but I need to know that if I encourage him to go to you that you're going to be there to support him."

"Of course I will. I told him as much the last time we talked."

"Okay. That's all I needed to know," Morgan replied, relieved by the answer. Reid needed all of them right night, especially the man he considered a mentor.

"Look, Morgan, I'm out at the cabin this weekend. Why don't you bring him out here tomorrow? The change of scenery would probably do him good."

Morgan nodded, though Gideon couldn't see the gesture. "That's a good idea. He's sleeping right now, and the last thing I want to do is to wake him up. Could you call in the morning? I think it'll be better if the invitation comes from you."

"Of course," Gideon replied. "How's he really doing, Morgan?"

"He's doing better, but we're not out of the woods yet. I've definitely made some mistakes and at times I don't know what I should say or do. That scares me because I don't think it would take much to lose all the ground we've gained."

"You'll be fine," Gideon assured him. "You are after all the one that finally got through to him."

"Thanks, Gideon," Morgan said, the words of assurance making him feel a little more confident. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Morgan ended the call and returned the phone to its clip. He returned to the living room. Reid was still asleep, no signs of distress marring his features. Morgan quietly moved the armchair a bit closer to the couch, and then settled in it, his feet propped up on one end of the couch. It wasn't long before he had drifted off to sleep.

* * *

A scream cut through his slumber, causing Morgan to sit up quickly. The lamp that had been left on illuminated the room, revealing that Reid was now awake too. The younger man was sitting up on the couch, knees drawn to his chest and arms wrapped around his legs. Though his face was hidden from view, Morgan had no doubt that he had just awoken from a nightmare.

Getting to his feet, Morgan moved over to the couch sitting behind Reid.

"It's okay, Kid. It was just a bad dream," Morgan told him softly, reaching out to place a hand on Reid's back.

Reid made no response but he also didn't draw away from the touch. Morgan remained silence for a bit, giving Reid time to collect himself. After a few minutes he spoke again.

"You want to talk about it?"

Reid managed to shake his head in response without really lifting it. There was a short moment of silence between the two before Reid spokes. "They're the same nightmares over and over again. Why keep talking about them?"

"I don't know, Kid, but talking about them is supposed to help."

"I just want to forget about them."

"I know you do. They'll go away. You just need time. It's just your mind trying to process the ordeal you went through down in Georgia," Morgan said, trying to sound reassuring though he half-expected Reid to start telling him he was wrong and start quoting some study that he had read recently.

Reid remained quiet though, and Morgan felt a bit disappointed. Not that he wanted to hear about what some study said about nightmares, he didn't really care about that but at least Morgan felt that it would make things seem more normal. Reid not spouting of statistics or talking about some report didn't seem like Reid.

The two sat in silence for a while - Reid unwilling to talk and Morgan not knowing what to say. Finally, Morgan broke the silence.

"Why don't you go to your room and try to go back to sleep?"

"It won't work."

"Reid, it was just a nightmare. You're in your apartment and Hankel is dead - he can't hurt you anymore."

"I still see him."

"Not sleeping isn't good for you," Morgan said calmly.

"I'd rather stay here," Reid replied softly. "At least when you're near I'm not afraid to close my eyes. The nightmares at least stay away until I actually fall asleep."

"Then I'll stay in there with you. Sleeping in a chair is just as easy in there as it is out there. Come on, Pretty Boy."

Reid let himself be helped up and lead to the bedroom. It wasn't long before he had fallen back asleep, this time in his own bed. Morgan sat next to the bed, having drug the easy chair into the room. Like the night before, the dark-skinned profiler realized that he wasn't going to get much sleep, though for a different reason.

Last night, Morgan had found drifting off into a deep sleep impossible because of the situation between him and Reid. He knew the younger man was upset with him and that something had been keeping him awake. All Morgan had wanted to do was comfort Reid knowing that the kid needed the sleep. Not being able to had kept him awake with worry.

Tonight, worry was still keeping him from falling asleep. This time though it was Reid's admission about not being afraid to close his eyes with Morgan near. Those words only reinforced what he had told JJ earlier about feeling that he needed to stay with Reid a bit longer despite the exhaustion he was feeling himself. The last thing Morgan wanted to do was be the reason that Reid lost ground in this battle. If he could help keep the nightmares away a bit longer by just being near then he wasn't about to go anywhere.

Exhaustion and worry were soon fight an even battle, and Morgan found himself dozing off only to wake up, with a start, moments later. Still, Reid slept peacefully. Leaning back in the easy chair, Morgan propped his feet up on the bed, trying to get comfortable. Like he had told Reid, not sleeping wouldn't be good for him and if he was going to drive them out to Gideon's cabin the next day, then he needed some rest. Morgan closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind of all his thoughts and worries so that sleep would come.

Morgan found that task quite daunting. Just as sleep would start to claim him, his mind would register some kind of noise that would bring him back to wakefulness. Looking around the room, he would find everything in order and begin the process all over again.

Not sure how many times he had almost fallen asleep, Morgan found that the noise that had woken him up this time hadn't been imagined. Reid was tossing his head back and forth, a look of fear on his face. Placing his feet on the floor, Morgan leaned forward in his chair. Reaching out, he placed a hand on Reid's forehead. It took a few moments, but the touch seemed to have a calming effect, and like before the restlessness passed.

~_Keeping the nightmares at bay. Even if that's all my presence here accomplishes at least it's something_, ~ Morgan thought, as he leaned back in his chair once again, propping his feet up on the bed.

Finally, sleep claimed Morgan once again, though it was a sleep that would be disturbed by concern for his friend's well being several times that night.

* * *

The sun was nearing its zenith, as Morgan drove toward Gideon's cabin located in the wilderness of Virginia. The older profiler had kept his word and called Reid that morning. Morgan had seen the surprise that had crossed Reid's face when he had handed him the phone, saying it was Gideon, as Reid still hadn't bothered with turning on his own cell phone. Morgan hadn't heard even Reid's side of the conversation as he had retreated to the kitchen. About ten minutes later, Reid had come found him, holding out the phone and quietly asking him to drive him out to Gideon's cabin.

Reid hadn't said another word since making that request. Morgan had let the silence go, knowing that Reid probably had a lot going through his head. Now, halfway to Gideon's cabin, the silence was starting to wear on him, almost as much as the tapping fingers on the door, and the bouncing leg of the nervous young man sitting in the passenger seat.

"What's going through that head of your's right now, Kid?" Morgan finally asked, breaking the silence.

There was no immediate answer. The car only got more quiet as Reid stopped tapping his fingers on the door. Taking his eyes from the road momentarily to glance over at Reid, he saw the younger man was now fingering the shoulder strap of the seat belt nervously. Morgan returned his eyes to the road, wondering if he should say something else or leave the kid be.

"I'm thinking about everything that could go wrong," Reid finally said. "Since I joined the BAU, Gideon's done so much for me. He and Hotch both really. I never would have made it through two weeks in the BAU let alone through the two-year probationary period if it wasn't for the two of them but it's been different with Gideon. He's opened up to me more than Hotch has and I felt like I could go to him about anything - well at least up until the last few months. I've ruined that now. Things can never be the same between us. Between any of us, really."

Morgan thought the words over and realized the truth in them. He also knew that no matter what any of them did, things were going to change. There was no blame in that change. It was just a part of life.

"Change is a part of life, Kid."

"I know but this time . . . this time I hurt a lot of people, and though I want to take back words and actions that I did - I can't. I feel like I let Gideon down. Like I let all of you down."

"No, Kid. We're the ones who failed you. What you went through down in Georgia, no one could recover from that on their own but we let you push us away and attempt to."

"It's my fault. I didn't ask any of you for help and then when you all offered it I was so messed up that I pushed you away."

"You did ask for help, Reid. I see that looking back now. I see all the silent cries you made both before we started offering help and then every time you declined an offer. I should have pushed harder and I'm sorry I didn't. I'm sorry that it took until that case out in San Francisco for me to finally understand."

Out of the corner of his eye, Morgan saw Reid reach up and swipe at his eyes.

"I just want my life back, Morgan," Reid said, his voice trembling with emotion.

"You'll get there, Kid. We've come a long way and you're almost there. You'll talk things out with Gideon and then soon you'll be back at work. That's when things will feel normal for all of us."

Reid nodded, not trusting himself to be able to get words out if he attempted to speak. Looking out the window, he tried to draw strength from Morgan's words, knowing that whatever happened today he wouldn't face it alone.


	22. Talking To Gideon

**AN:** So, I'm thinking this will be the next to last chapter in this story. If things work out like they're in my head the story will be wrapped up next chapter. I still can't believe this was supposed to be a one-shot and here I am on chapter 22. Thanks for everyone who's read, alerted, reviewed, and added this story to their favorites.

**Prompt:** Thanks to marcallie for this chapter's prompt from Watership Down by Richard Adams: "All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies. And when they catch you, they will kill you. But first, they must catch you."

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* * *

The rest of the drive was quiet. More than once, Morgan had thought about turning on the radio. Each time though, one glance at Reid changed his mind. The younger man was sitting back in the seat, his head resting on the headrest, and staring out the window with a faraway look on his face. It was clear to Morgan that Reid was lost in his own thoughts. As the genius' expression seemed relaxed and not distressed, Morgan chose not disrupt the younger man.

When Morgan finally pulled up to Gideon's cabin, he saw the elder profiler standing outside. Morgan turned off the motor and heard the hard swallow that Reid made. Glancing over, the look on Reid's face reminded him of one's he had seen on inmates facing the electric chair.

"It's going to be okay, Reid," Morgan said in what he hoped was a reassuring tone. The kid looked like he could use all the support he could get right about now.

Reid made no reaction to Morgan's statement. Undoing his own seatbelt, Morgan reached past the younger man and grasped the door handle. He pushed the door open, and was relieved when Reid finally looked over at him.

"I'll drag you out of this car too if I have to, Kid," Morgan said, his tone softening the words.

"That won't be necessary," Reid replied quietly, finally reaching down to unfasten his seatbelt.

Satisfied that Reid was going to get out of the vehicle, Morgan opened his own door. He climbed out of the vehicle and started to walk around the front of it. Reaching the front bumper, Morgan paused as he watched Gideon approach Reid who had gotten out of the vehicle but hadn't yet stepped away from it. Reaching Reid, Gideon pulled the younger man into a hug without a moment's hesitation. Feeling as if he was eavesdropping on what should be a private moment between his two teammates, Morgan let his gaze drop to the hood of the vehicle.

Though not trying to pay attention, Morgan could hear Reid talking. The younger man's voice was low enough that the exact words could not be made out. Feeling that it was none of his business, Morgan didn't strain to overhear him. Gideon's reply, however, could be heard clearly.

"It's okay. I've got a thick skin. The only thing I was worried about was that I might have made things worse that night."

Again, Morgan couldn't make out Reid's words as he replied.

"It's okay," Gideon replied again when the murmur of Reid's voice faded away. "Are you up for a walk? It'll give us a chance to talk things out."

Morgan looked up in time to catch Reid's nod.

Gideon glanced over at Morgan. "Go inside and make yourself at home," he said, motioning toward the cabin with one hand.

Morgan nodded his acknowledgment as Gideon started leading Reid toward a worn path heading into the woods. He watched his two teammates before starting for the cabin. Morgan was certain that a talk with Gideon's would help Reid's state of mind and he was hopeful that the change of scenery and fresh air would benefit the genius to.

Walking into the cabin, Morgan headed for the couch. He lowered himself down on it and leaned his head against the high back. His only intention was to rest for a bit but it wasn't long before sleep claimed him.

* * *

As the two profilers made their way deeper into the woods, Gideon found himself mulling over his choice of words. Though from all the reports he had received from everybody else, Reid was doing better, Gideon could still see just how tenuous that progress was. He didn't think it would take much to destroy the progress that had been made and he didn't want to be the reason that Reid slid backwards in his battle with the addiction. There had already been enough mistakes made on their part. If he and Hotch had done their job, then things never would have never gotten this out of control. They would have caught the problem before it caused so much anguish for everyone. Before they all had to watch Reid start to self-destruct before their eyes.

Gideon glanced over at Reid. The younger man was walking with his head down. His long hair was falling forward, blocking part of his face from Gideon's view. Reid had his arms crossed protectively around himself and his shoulders were hunched. All behaviors that showed that Reid was drawing into himself. That he was still trying to protect himself from the world around him despite the fact that the only one near him. Gone was the relaxed atmosphere that had developed between them.

Gideon found himself thinking of a quote from Watership Down, a book he had read at one point. "'All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies. And when they catch you, they will kill you. But first, they must catch you.'" ~_Reid's enemies did catch him and they made an attempt to kill him. In some ways they aren't done trying, ~ _Gideon thought. _~If Morgan hadn't been able to reach him, they may have succeeded.~_ He looked over again at Reid as he reached out an arm and placed it across Reid's shoulders. The older man felt the tension increase in the young genius shoulders. Reid had noticeably lost weight and was pale. _~They may still succeed if we're not careful_, ~ he thought, acknowledging to himself that they were a long way from being past all of this. Reid was standing on the very edge of the abyss that they often looked into while doing this job and the only thing keeping him from jumping right now were them.

"I'm sorry," Reid said, interrupting the song of the birds and the wind in the tree tops above.

"For what?" Gideon asked, wanting to know exactly what the younger man's mind set was. Only then could he be sure of what the right words to say were.

"For everything. For messing up in Georgia and letting the UnSub get the upper hand on me. For not being strong enough to hold out. For being weak and giving into the need to escape. For betraying your trust and confidence in me - both yours and Hotch's. I've messed everything up and then when you came to try and help me . . . "

Gideon moved closer to the younger man, tightening the grip he had on Reid's shoulder. "I haven't heard one thing that you need to be apologizing for," he told the younger man. "You made no mistakes down in Georgia."

"It was my idea for JJ and me to split up and then I go and follow the UnSub into the cornfield without knowing JJ was behind me. You always make sure you know where your partner is. Hotch and you have drilled that into since day one."

"Okay, so maybe you did make one mistake but we're human - it happens. No one is holding that against you. Stop holding it against yourself."

"If something had happened to JJ . . . "

"Nothing did," Gideon said interrupting him. "She's fine and we've got you back. I know it's not easy but you need to let what happened down in Georgia go so that you can heal and move on."

"I just can't seem to figure out how to do that. What happens down there just seems to haunt me. It came back in flashbacks at the most inopportune times. Haunted my sleep. There seemed only one way to escape all that and though I knew it wasn't the right way to go, I just wanted the relief it brought and then it seemed to take control of my actions and before I knew it I was lashing out at the very people who were trying to help me. I got myself into the mess and I thought I could get myself out of it but I couldn't. I knew I needed help but after the way I had acted, after everything I had done, I couldn't bring myself to ask for it."

"We never should have left you to deal with things on your own."

"I don't blame you. This is my fault," Reid managed to get out before his voice broke.

Gideon stopped walking, his hand on Reid's shoulder drawing the younger man to a stop too. Before he could say anything though, Reid was speaking again.

"What I said to you that night you came to my apartment after we returned from New Orleans, I didn't mean it Gideon. I know you were only trying to help - I knew it then really - but I was just too ashamed to accept that help. I thought that if I didn't admit to actually having the drug then it would just disappear. That it would be like it never happened. I thought that I could get rid of it myself. You were right though - I couldn't bring myself to throw it out on my own but after the words I said to you that night - after saying that if you had really cared about me then you would have been there right after it happened - well I was too ashamed to admit I needed help. I said I hated you. That I didn't need you. That I wanted to get out of my life. I know nothing I can say now can change that now and I'm sorry."

"No, it can't be changed," Gideon said turning Reid to face him. "However as far as I'm concerned it's forgiven and forgotten and I don't want to hear another word about it. I care about you too much to let one night ruin our relationship," he said, as he drew the younger man into a tight embrace. "You're like a son to me, Spencer. Don't you ever forget that."

Gideon felt the fresh round of sobs shake the slender frame as he held Reid tightly. He didn't want to think about how close they had come to losing him both back in Georgia and then more recently because they let their guard down. They had all thought they had left the danger down south when in reality it had followed them home.

Gideon hugged Reid until the younger man's tears had been spent. The two then continued there leisurely walk through the woods, continuing to draw strength from the other in the comfortable silence that had fallen between them. When they finally returned to the cabin, they entered to find Morgan still asleep on the couch.

"He's gotten less sleep than I have through all this," Reid said quietly as he and Gideon exchanged glances.

"Then what do you say we let him sleep, and you and I go cook the three of us something to eat."

Reid nodded. Somehow cooking a meal sounded like a wonderfully ordinary thing to do and he could use some ordinary in his life right about now.


	23. The Start of the Next Journey

**_AN: Well, here it is the last chapter of this story! It's only 22 chapters longer than I originally intended. Thanks to everyone who has read, alerted and reviewed this story. You guys all wonderful!_**

**Prompts**: _There are two for this chapter:_

_Thanks to 80icrazy80 for the prompt of 'Road Rage'!_

_Thanks to Graveygraves for her prompt of 'lemons'!_

_For those who suggested prompts that didn't get used, I do appreciate you sending them to me and sorry I wasn't able to fit them into the story._

* * *

The smell of eggs, bacon, and freshly brewed coffee drew Morgan out of the dreamland he had been in. Sitting up with a groan, Morgan rolled his shoulders in and attempt to get the stiffness out of them. ~_You would think I'd be accustomed to sleeping on the couch by now, _~ he thought as he got to his feet.

Still trying to ease the stiffness from his neck and shoulders, Morgan followed his nose to the kitchen and found Reid standing in front of the stove, turning the bacon that was frying in the pan. The young genius glanced over his shoulder as Morgan came to a stop at the corner of the counter that dividing the kitchen from the living area.

"Look at you," Morgan commented with a smile. "Acting like a proper host! You're even cooking for your house guest. How times have changed," he teased.

A small smile came to Reid's face. "Coffee is ready and breakfast," Reid inclined his head toward the pan, "will be done in a few minutes."

As Reid turned back to the stove, Morgan started walking across the kitchen, noting that the table was already set for two and was relieved that Reid was doing better. The color had returned to the younger man's face and his appetite was returning. Eric had told Reid on Wednesday that he could return to work when he felt ready but that he was not to push himself. However, before leaving, Eric had quietly told Morgan to keep a close eye on Reid and to call him with any concerns. Today was Friday, and Reid hadn't yet mentioned going back to work. Morgan wasn't about to press him on the issue though, as last night had been the first time Morgan hadn't been woken up by one of Reid's nightmares. Although Morgan absently noted that didn't necessarily mean there hadn't been one.

"How did you sleep, Kid?"

"Fine," Reid replied as he turned off the burner.

"Reid," Morgan said with a hint of warning, opening the cabinet above the coffee make to grab a mug. He could tell the younger man was holding something back.

Reid sighed as he began lifting the bacon from the pan and placing it on a paper towel covering a plate. "I had a bit of trouble sleeping toward morning. I've been up since five because I wasn't able to fall back asleep so I caught up on some reading."

"You could have woke me up if you needed someone to talk to," Morgan told him, pouring some coffee into his mug. His eyes fell onto a stack of papers sitting on the counter next to the coffee maker.

"It wasn't necessary. I'm fine, Morgan. Really."

Morgan nodded, deciding to let it go for now since Reid didn't really seem upset anyway and read the title in bold print on the top of the first printed paper in the stack - Road Rage: A Study on its Effects in Fatal Traffic Accidents. Morgan picked up the printout. "This is your idea of catching up on some reading?"

Reid blushed slightly. "Yeah. Just a bit of light reading."

"Only you would see this as light reading."

"Eric said I should try to resume a normal routine again."

"Yeah I guess he did," Morgan said, shaking his head as he placed the papers back down on the counter. He turned to the refrigerator and pulled the milk out, adding some to his coffee before returning it to the fridge, knowing that the sugar would be on the table for Reid's coffee.

It wasn't long before Morgan and Reid were seated across from one another at the table enjoying the breakfast Reid had made.

"Morgan, I'm thinking I should return to work on Monday."

"Are you sure?"

Morgan had stopped eating and was gazing across the table at Reid. The genius wore a contemplative look, and Morgan didn't miss the trace of fear that was evident in his eyes.

"No. I'm not sure, but putting it off longer isn't going to help anything. The one thing I am sure of is that I won't know if I'm ready until I get there. Until I face everyone that I let down," Reid replied, before lowering his gaze to the food on his plate.

"Kid, we all feel that we let you down," Morgan told him, even as he saw Reid shaking his head.

"But you shouldn't feel that way," Reid told him, not looking up. "You guys rescued me from Hankel . . ."

"We found you in a graveyard, having already shot your captor. I'd say you had already rescued yourself," Morgan cut the younger man off. This was the first time he had spoken to anyone about his own feelings revolving around the events down in Georgia. "If we had gotten there sooner, we could have spared you that much at least," Morgan said, remembering the shattered look in Reid's eyes as Hotch had helped the young genius to his feet when they had finally reached him. It had been the second person Reid had shot, and Morgan got the feeling that this time had affected Reid more than when he had shot Dowd. "Two days. It took us two days to find you." Morgan paused, his voice slightly lower when he continued. "I feel like I failed you, Kid"

"It was a . . . difficult time. But I knew everyone was looking for me. That was what kept me going; it was how I was able to hold on. I would have given up if not for that knowledge. And I only shot Tobias because I saw the lights in the trees and knew you were coming for me - I didn't want to take the chance of him injuring one of you guys. And your approach distracted him. Gave me an opportunity I wouldn't have had otherwise," Reid finally looked up and gazed across the table at Morgan. "So you see, Morgan, you and the team did save me."

Morgan heard the sincerity in Reid's words. The kid wasn't just talking to make him feel better. But even if they had saved him from Tobias - something Morgan still wasn't entirely convinced of - they hadn't been there for him afterwards when he needed them. They had left Reid alone to struggle with the demons resulting from those experiences down in Georgia. Morgan couldn't speak for the others, but he had spent a lot of time searching within himself for the reason why he had put off intervening so long. The only reason he had been able to come up with was that he was trying to hide from the fact that his worse fears were reality. By accepting Reid's attempt at pretending everything was fine then Morgan could tell himself that things were fine. ~_What a mistake.~_

Morgan found himself shaking his head as he kept his eyes level with his plate. "Even so Reid, I can think of so many things that I could have - I should have - done differently. Chances that I missed that could have prevented all of this."

"This isn't your fault, Morgan."

"Feels like it is. I should have been there for you."

"You were."

"Not at first I wasn't. If I had been then maybe -"

"Morgan, stop!" The intensity of Reid's words caused Morgan to look up. Reid reached across the table and laid his hand on top of Morgan's before he continued. "What happened after coming back from Georgia, the choices that I made, the mistakes that I made - they're all on me. No one else is to blame. I chose to bottle up my feelings. I made the choice to let my nightmares control my life. I made the decision to keep using the Dilaudid. And _I'm _the one who kept spurning everyone's attempts to help me." Reid paused and shook his head. "I still can't believe some of the things I did. I ignored a call from a teammate while on a case. I made JJ cry and snapped at Prentiss for now reason. I hit you!"

"I never should have said what I did, though, Kid. And I definitely shouldn't have grabbed your wrist like I did. I hurt you - both emotionally and physically that night and I'm sorry. If I had . . . Reid, if I could take back what I did and said that night, I would."

"And if you hadn't said what you did I may have hurt myself more than I already had; that night could have been so much worse," Reid told him. He drew in a deep breath, trying to gather the courage to go on.

"Regardless Kid, I should have handled that better," Morgan said, taking advantage of Reid's momentary pause.

"You told me the truth, Morgan. The blunt, cold hard truth - which was exactly what I needed - even though I didn't know it a the time. That night made me see that I needed help. That I truly had a problem. And Morgan . . .I wanted to open the door that night but I couldn't - I was too ashamed of what I had just done. Of what I had been doing," Reid's voice dropped to a whisper. "What I had been planning on doing."

"Did you . . ." Morgan let the question trail off, not able to finish the question. Not that it mattered as Reid knew what it was the older man had wanted to ask.

"Yes. I felt so ashamed of what I had just done and my body was craving the drug. It felt like every time I tried to stop using I hurt someone. But then I hurt people while I was using too so it didn't really matter. I was trapped. And there you were saying you weren't going to give up on me. Even when I had already given up on my self." Reid paused, his eyes searching out Morgan's before he continued. "You saved me, Morgan. Your words that night, your insistence that you wouldn't give up on me no matter how much I pushed made me realize what I could lose if I continued down the path I was on." Reid paused and let a small smile come to his face. "And I'm so lucky you followed me to the bar that night. Trying to stand up to that biker was probably coming as close to signing my own death warrant. A small part of me that knew that even as I said those words to him."

"Reid, are you telling me - "

Reid interrupted the question. "I said a small part, Morgan, and I'm fine now. Really. I'm not even close to thinking along those lines now that I'm past the withdrawal symptoms," he said, unable to deny that the thought of wishing he was dead hadn't passed through his mind more than once during the hell that he had gone through in the first few days of his detox. He hadn't looked away from Morgan and he could tell the older man was searching out the truth for himself. "I'm fine."

"Yes," Morgan said slowly, "I believe you are. Still, I think that facing everyone at the same time and returning to work on the same day may be a bit much to handle."

"Morgan . . ."

"No, hear me out, Kid. You've come a long way and you're doing well but you've been through a lot in a short time. Nobody knows that better than me. Now, I'm not going to try to convince you not to return to work. You need to make that decision on your own and I'm going to be right there with you every step of the way, but maybe you should meet with everyone before you go into the office. Perhaps a cookout at my place tomorrow night?"

Reid opened his mouth to try to convince Morgan it wouldn't be a good idea. That he didn't want to impose on the team, especially with such short notice. However, something on Morgan's face made him reconsider. "This isn't just a spur of a moment idea is it? You've already got something planned. Don't you?"

"Yeah, you are you're old self again," Morgan said with a small snort of laughter. "Guilty as charged. It was Garcia's idea though. And yeah we have talked to the whole team and had tentative plans for a cookout tomorrow. I was planning on bringing it up to you later today and then giving her the final go ahead if you agreed to it." Catching the fleeting look of panic that crossed Reid's face Morgan quickly continued. "I'm not trying to pressure you, Kid. You just let me know. If you say you're not up for it then that's the end of the discussion. But please, just take a little time to think it over."

Reid nodded and went back to his breakfast. He took a bite and gave a small grimace. "I think I'll heat this up first," he commented getting to his feet. "Want me to heat your's up too?" he asked, holding a hand out for the plate.

Morgan passed the plate to him, and understood that the discussion was over for now. Hoping that he didn't regret it, Morgan brought up the subject of the report he had seen. He couldn't stand the silence and the report seemed like a safe, neutral topic to bring up.

"Why didn't we let the girls help out with the food for tonight, again?"

Morgan asked the question as he led the way across the parking lot to the grocery store at eight o'clock on Saturday morning. Reid had consented to the team gathering for a cookout as long as he and Morgan did all the prep work, claiming that the activity would give him a chance to feel like he was doing something to thank his teammates for their support. Not wanting to say no to anything that would make the younger man feel better at this point, Morgan had hastily agreed. Now however, still tired and knowing that he had at least an hour of shopping ahead of him, Morgan was starting to regret his decision.

"Because, then it wouldn't really be a thank-you dinner would it?" Reid told him. He had approached Morgan late yesterday afternoon saying that he would consent to the cookout as long as he could do the cooking and had then asked Morgan to help him. It wasn't what Garcia had in mind but the tech goddess had consented easily enough after a short conversation with Morgan. "I want to do something for them, for all of you really, to show you how much I appreciate your support. I thought this would be a good way," Reid replied, grabbing a basket as they reached the store's entrance. "I mean I know this dinner can't make up for everything but it's a start. I still need to find a way to show you, but . . ."

"Kid, having you back to your normal self is all the thank-you I need. You're like a brother to me and I'll do anything for family."

Reid opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it as they started down the produce aisle. He felt his throat start to constrict with the emotions he was feeling. To hear Morgan say he considered him family was touching while simultaneously making the pain he felt at what he had put the older man through increase. He swallowed hard, trying to pull himself together. The grocery store was not the place he wanted to have yet another emotional breakdown. But _damn it_, he felt so close to it.

As he struggled with his emotions, Reid was glad Morgan's back was to him as the older man consulted his list and walked past the display of lemons. Reid wasn't sure what possessed him, but approaching the display, he reached out for one of the small yellow fruits. He tossed it gently at Morgan, hitting him in between the shoulders.

"What the hell was that?" Morgan said, turning quickly. He glanced at Reid, who was wearing a slight smile on his face, down at the offending fruit, and back at Reid. "What was that for?"

"Just trying to be the annoying little brother," Reid said lightly, with a shrug of his shoulders.

Morgan reached out and plucked a lemon from the pile. "Yeah, well in case you didn't know, siblings retaliate, Kid," he said tossing the lemon at Reid.

The young genius ducked out of the way, and the lemon went harmlessly past him, bouncing across the floor. Morgan quickly tossed a second one at Reid, hitting him this time as the younger man didn't have time to react.

Reid laughed as the lemon deflected off of him and into the cart. A loud clearing of the throat caught both of their attentions. The two federal agents sobered up quickly when they saw a store employee standing with his arms crossed glaring at them.

"Sorry," Morgan said apologizing for the both of them. He reached down to retrieve the lemon that Reid had thrown at him. "We'll pay for these, don't worry." He assured the man.

"Be sure that you do," the employee replied, watching as Reid retrieved the second lemon that had been thrown while Morgan put the one he had into a plastic bag.

He felt the employee's gaze on him and wanted to quickly leave the produce aisle. He grabbed the lemon from the cart and added it to the bag. Reid then handed him the other lemon before selecting several more lemons from the display and adding them to the bag that Morgan was holding.

"What are you planning to do with these?" Morgan asked in a hushed voice.

Reid smiled at him. "When life hands you lemons, then make lemonade," he quipped.

"That's really lame, you know that, Kid."

"So sue me," Reid said, dropping a few more lemons in the bag before taking it from Morgan. He added a twist tie to the bag, and placed it in the cart. "Let's get out of here. He's still watching us," he said, with a slight nod in the store employee's direction.

Morgan hesitated a moment, standing by the lemon display as he watched Reid head down the aisle with the cart. He shook his head slightly, in mild amusement. Two grown men throwing lemons at each other in a grocery store. If the team got wind of this . . . but then he realized he didn't really care. It was just a little harmless fun. The only casualties were a few bruised lemons and given everything that had gone on recently the release it had given him felt good.

Morgan turned and gave a small wave to the store employee before following Reid. Right now, it was easy to pretend that everything was fine. That the past couple of months, the last couple weeks especially, hadn't happened. Deep down though, Morgan knew that the situation wasn't going to be fixed that easily. Reid still had a long and bumpy road ahead of him as he continued to recover from the addiction and struggled to not give into it in the future. Still, he had made great strides and Morgan hoped he knew that he wasn't alone anymore. Hoped Reid knew that no matter what, he had people who would stand beside him and help him through the hard times.

Tonight was going to be a hurdle for Reid. Morgan knew the genius was worried about facing everyone together. However, he felt confident that he could get Reid through it. After tonight was over he'd worry about helping Reid face going back to work and the ups and downs that would undoubtably follow. Yes, things were looking up, but there was still a while to go before everything returned to normal.

_~I'll be keeping a close eye on you for a bit longer, Kid, ~_ Morgan thought as he caught up with Reid who was trying to select steaks for the grill._ ~I refuse to make the same mistake twice.~_


End file.
